Cat's Rants - Confessions of an Occult Mastermind

Lucky Shoes

Hello my dear occulties,

Ah, I have been so M.I.A. lately, have I not? I have been quite busy, tho not with much pay to show for it. ;) One of these reasons is a site I work for who takes a damn 30% commission on top of paying me once a MONTH (thanks, uh, the check from last month still isn't here... :P) And another reason I have been busy this month is that everyone keeps breaking up with their loved one or getting themselves into some sort of trouble which requires my help with praying or spellworking or both. ;)

I am also in dire need of a dentist to pull out my wisdom teeth (all 4 impacted and needing to be pulled for more than 5 years,) so I am enjoying the fun times of having one of those badboys bothering me... Well, I am a big baby about having ANY teeth pulled (because I never have,) so I admit to having slacked on scheduling that dentist appointment throughout the past 5 years. ;) The Fella says I should "suck it up," and just let the dentist put his foot on my chest and yank. Amusingly enough, my dentist is going to send me to the Fella's dentist so I can be gassed when they pull out my wisdom teeth, yet the Fella's dentist did not gas the Fella when he yanked out his wisdom teeth. (My dentist does not use gas, just novocaine.) Despite the fact that the Fella tries to reassure me that I will get the "good drugs," yours truly does not find any of this comforting and is willing to wait another five or 10 years. As is, they will already need to fish around in my gums for parts of the stupid things...and mind you I was supposed to have perfect wisdom teeth but getting a knock to the head in college actually somehow broke them all in my effing head, so they came in broken. Let this all be a lesson to you that life (and dentistry) is not always fair.

Anyhow, let us get on with the topic at hand, shall we? Today I felt like...well, like being brief, since Mercury is in retrograde, and apparently this means I will have a hard time speaking my native tongue of English or writing an article for all of you (there are already 2 half-finished ones in my saved folder.)

Today's spell is a rather cute one that I made up all by myself (aren't you proud?) that I call: Lucky Shoes. It is basically a charm made up to bless those kicks you walk around in all of the time to be lucky charms (but they will still smell, so don't expect them to be rendered "magically delicious," like the cereal.)

You will need:

Your shoes,
Allspice,
Cinnamon,
Dragon's Blood resin
Irish Moss,
Rose petals,
VanVan oil,
Lodestone oil,
Atrraction oil,
A mortar and pestle - or a bowl and crushing item
and some newspaper or scrap paper.

Take the herbal ingredients of allspice, cinnamon, dragon's blood resin, Irish moss, and the rose petals (about equal amounts of each,) and place them in your mortar (or bowl.) Using your pestle (or crushing item) crush these herbs into the finest powder that you can. Now add 1 drop of VanVan oil, and 2 drops attraction oil, and blend it through the herbal powder. Place the powder on some scrap paper or newspaper to allow it some time to dry....about 12-24 hours is good.

Now that your powder is dry, place both your hands over the powder, and imagine green, gold, white, and red energy circulating in to the powder from your hands as you say, "I do empower this powder with the strength to draw to me luck and good fortune through all my ventures, whatsoever they may be," seven times. You may now add in any particular statements that you feel are suitable, or any prayers, then finish with, "As is my will, so mote it be!" Set your powder aside.

Taking up your shoes, look for a place on the inside of each shoe where you can place the powder that will be under the insole if possible. I have a few sets of heels where I dug under the sole from the outside and placed it in the heel. It is up to you. Once you have found this spot, place a pinch of your powder in there in each shoe. The idea here is for the powder NOT to have direct contact with your feet because it will stain your socks...and your feet will attract the powder so you wil have to replace the powder more often.

Now, anoint the sole of each shoe with 1 drop VanVan, 1 drop Attraction, and 1 drop of Lodestone. Hold one shoe in your hand and say, "By wearing this shoe, I draw to myself luck and good fortune in all matters," seven times. Say, "As is my will, so mote it be!" Pick up the other shoe, and repeat this process.

You have just made yourself a pair of LUCKY SHOES! If you want to keep those shoes at full power, I recommend repeating this process of sole-anointing and shoe blessing at least every 7-28 days. Enjoy those lucky kicks... ;)

Also, keep your powder in a seperate air-tight container. It can be used to make some more lucky shoes or to replace the powder that will naturally disperse over time.

I hope you guys have enjoyed the lucky shoes spell. It is a fun one, and worth a try if you are looking for some added luck.

Blessings!

~Cat

Please use the contact link on on the side bar if you have any questions or would like to contact me for any reason!

Questions You've Asked Me

Hello my occulties....

Well, I get some interesting questions in my emailbox...and I figured that I would share these with you... particularly because some of them being answered will be helpful to some of you, and the other ones are just humorous... and I figure we could all do for a laugh every once in awhile so...

Here is it is...the answers to some (but not all) of your questions....

Q: Are you a Satanist?

A: No, I don't even believe in "Satan" or the Devil.... I believe in demons, and I believe there is a good chance of there being one named Lucifer, but generally, I believe that God/dess (or Spirit, or whatever name you place on it,) is both cruel and kind and good and bad... sort of like love, and nature... so, it would be rather rediculous of me to believe that there is a God/dess and the seperate entity of an anti-God/dess... ;) Two sides to a coin are still making up a single coin. So...no, I do not believe in Satan. I was raised Catholic, but I am recovering nicely from it, and the "debbil" is the least of my worries. Ergo, I could not be a Satanist as I do not believe in, acknowledge, or worship that Godhead.

Q: Aren't you ashamed for sending so many people to hell with your lies and false counselling?

A: Hell is a self-imposed punishment that can be brought upon oneself whether they are incarnate or without a body. It is only the seperation of oneself from God/dess. I know some atheists who are walking around in Hell every day.

If you mean the Biblical version of Hell.... I had no idea that I had such great power as to be able to damn others to eternal torure in the afterlife. I will start my damnation list now. >:)

Also, I do not lie or give false counsel. If I did, I would be ashamed of myself solely on the basis that liars and cheats are the things I despise most in this world. I attempt to tell the world the truth as it has been taught to me through experience and study.

Q: Can I use your love spells if I am gay?

A: Yes, of course you can, the only stipulation is that your target must also be gay or bisexual. This carries over to heterosexual love spells - your target cannot be a gay person. If there are special instructions for gay or lesbian mages for a certain spell, I usually include them in my blog. Last time I checked, magic/k was not bigoted against homosexuality... In fact, if I am not mistaken, the (in)famous Alestair Crowley had sex with anyone (male or female) and anything (likely male or female again) that he could find and he was a great mage.

Q: Can I make someone do things with me in bed using spellwork that they refuse to do?

A: Probably not, and I wouldn't recommend it. Usually you just end up making your target cheat on you. If someone is against a certain act or acts in the boudoir, generally they will remain against those acts, regardless of what magic/kal force you try placing on them. If you are so perverted and thoughtless towards your lover, perhaps you should just slip them some GHB or some roofies and rape them. You would be doing the same thing to try to force your sexual will on them using spellwork.

Q: I have used controlling magic/k against my lover for a few months now, and s/he is responding, but is not as loving as s/he was before. What should I do?

A: You should back off. What you are doing is the equvillent of "slapping someone around," magic/kally, so you can have your way. Your lover feels this on an unconscious level. Try to warm up the love aspect of things. Your lover should want to please you because they love you and you please them and give them love. You shouldn't want your lover to be your slave because then you don't love them. Ease up on the controlling aspect, and try a love-binding, and a love-drawing spell.

Q: Does your boyfriend know you use magic/k?

A: Hmm... I think he actually thinks I just pray a lot and that I am incredibly superstitious about weird things.

Q: Is your boyfriend hot? (this was my favorite so I HAD to include it!)

A: Yes, he is incredibly super-fine... >:) Hands off.

Q: After I cast my reconciliation spell on my ex, I tried to call them and they didn't want to talk... Why is it not working?

A: Stalking your target is pretty counterproductive. You need them to come to you, seemingly of their own free will. Once you scare them away by stalking them, repeatedly calling them, showing up at their door, harrassing them, etc. et al. you have basically just stomped out all of the magic/k you have sent their way because you are SCARING them and they will not listen to the urges they have to come back to you because they think you are obsessive and weird. You need to have faith in the spellwork and yourself. Furthermore, don't volunteer that you cast a spell on them when they do come back! That is as bad as saying... "Well, I got you drunk so I could sleep with you." Gee, thanks. No one likes to feel tricked, so don't tell them you tricked them.

Q: How long does it take a spell to start working?

A: It can start almost immediately, or it can take up to one moon-cycle (28 days,) for you to notice the preliminary results. Certain types of magic/k have spells that take up to 28 days to manifest, and then only work for another 28 days... Other types of spells work for a long time and have manifestations that develop over months. However, if you do not see any results by a moon-cycle, you should try a different spell.

Q: Isn't it wrong to use black/harmful/coercive magic/k?

A: That is a matter of opinion. In my personal opinion...no, especially if it is justified. I don't believe in Karma or Karmic retribution. The "Law of 3" is a Wiccan religious belief. If you are not a Wiccan, you have no need to fear the law of 3. I think "karma" is something that practiced mages use to keep the newbies from hurting themselves. If you don't put a little scare in them, they go about cursing and coercing everything, and eventually run into someone or something bigger and badder with magic/k than themselves. Also, using too many dark-works can go to weaker people's heads and really pervert their minds... They become megalomaniacs... So... Insomuch as I do not cotton to the westernized bastardization of the term "karma," I will say that it is probably in one's best interest to use the least amount of harm and force in their spellwork, or at the very least to remember not to use magic/k for something one would not do in the mundane... For example, putting a death curse on you because you cut me off when you were pulling out of Mickey-D's is probably a little too much... >;)

Q: Do I have to believe in God/dess, Spirit, Buddha, etc. to practice magic/k?

A: No.

Q: Someone is threatening me with physical harm. What spell should I use?

A: You will need: a phone, your finger, and your voice. Pick up the phone, hit these numbers on the keypad: Nine (9), One (1), One (1). When you get an answer tell the person on the other end of the line WHO is hurting you or trying to hurt you so they can bring these people called the police to help you and to protect you. Magic/k is not a substitute for common sense. If someone is hurting or threatening you call the police. If you are sick or hurt call your doctor.

Q: I need a fool-proof, 100% guaranteed spell...

A: There is no such thing. I can't even guarantee you that the sun will come up tomorrow. If someone tells you they have such a spell, they are lying to you, and you should not allow yourself to be fooled by such rediculousness.

Q: Can magic/k change the color of my hair/eyes/skin?

A: I see you have been watching The Craft. LOL, we mages often refer to that movie as "The Crap," and for good reasons... It takes a few things from the "reality" of magic/k, and pukily throws in a HUGE exaggeration of glamoury...and many other regrettable exaggerations as well... But this is not where I become a movie critic, so... Here is what you do. You buy some color contacts, or a box of hair dye. There are forms of glamoury that will do things to alter your appearance on certain levels, but they aren't magic/kal trips to the hair salon, eye doctor, or plastic surgeon.

Q: Is that really your picture?

A: Where I have stipulated that it was a photo of myself, yes it is. That very intoxicated redhead to your right, for example, is me, at a very fun function that was held by my college friends recently... Yes, indeed, this was a party of old PSC Greeks :) One of these days your favorite mastermind will accomplish pasting up a photo of herself in a more somber state of mind... Unfortuantely the camera never seems to be out at those times... You know... funerals, tax audits, car accidents, the days I have to pay my bills... These just don't seem like Kodak moments, so we never take pics.

Q: Is Cat your REAL name, or is that your magic/kal name?

A: Neither. Cat is my nickname, and generally if you aren't my doctor, a police person, or my grandma, you would be calling me "Cat." Everyone calls me Cat. It is not my first name, nor is it an abbreviation thereof. It is just my nickname. My fella, my friends, and just about every single person I know calls me Cat, and never ever ever (unless they want a good smacking,) refers to me by my first name.

Well my occulties...here are just a few of the many wild and thrilling questions you have asked me over the past few months. I hope that this was enlightening for all of you.

Blessings!

~Cat

Ideas, ideas, ideas...

So my occulties...

I am working on a lengthy post for love-binding charms and rituals here (it has been taking me a long time...like 2 days because it is SOOOO LONG!)... But I would like to hear from all of you as to what you want me to write about. I am absolutely filled to the brim with occult and spellwork knowledge... Yet, I fear I may soon become repetitive... Curse your neighbor here, tie your lover there, reconcile, reconcile, reconcile....do a prosperity spell, protect yourself... :) Now, my faithful bloglings, what particularly do you want me to jaw on about, eh?

You let me know by emailing me here using this link.

I will consider printing an article on all requests I recieve.

Now my bloglings, you know I love you all. Submit to my will and submit some requests. >:)

~Cat

REVENGE! Hooray!

Hello Occulties and Faithful Bloglings!

It's me, your favorite occult mastermind...or at least I hope I am. :) Today I want to discuss a super fun topic called... REVENGE! >:)

Yeah, well, I figured I would get this in before St. Patty's Day when all of you are drunk and bleeping my cell phone at 4 in the a.m. to attempt to find a way to get back at that bastardly bartender that cut you off. At 4 in the a.m. on that day/night, Miss Cat will be HOPEFULLY be passed-out fast asleep next to the Fella after a night of drunken hedonism, so phooey, you will all need to consult my blog instead.

So here we are... What kind amusingly annoying havoc can we wreak in the lives of those who have wronged us? Ha ha! I have the answer... >:)

You will need:

Dead bugs of your choosing,
Red pepper,
Sulfur,
Salt,
A pin,
A pen,
A photograph of your enemy -or-
A small personal item of your enemy and a scrap of paper,
A bowl to mix stuff in,
Your toilet.

Clear a nice clean spot on your table. In your bowl crush up your dead bugs...preferably these should be bugs that have been nice and dead for awhile so that they are dry. Set aside.

Place the photo of your enemy in front of you (if you do not have a photo, place the paper in front of you.) Now write "Misery" across your enemy's face nine times with your pen. If you are using a personal item, place this on the paper.

Place the crushed bugs in your palm and as you sprinkle them over your enemy's image say, "XX, may you be plagued by insects, spiders, beetles and flies - may the children of these (name insect) plague you morning, noon, and night."

Mix a pinch of sulphur, a pinch of salt, and a pinch of red pepper in your bowl, and pour these together in your hand. Holding these in your hand, envision your hatred of your enemy rising, flowing into the powders you are holding. Now pour the herbs in your hand over the image of your enemy while you say, "XX, burn, blister and writhe, choke upon the misery you have caused me every, morning, noon, and night."

Now, folding the picture or paper AWAY from you, fold this into a packet, ensuring that as much of your powdered bugs and herbs stay within the packet. Take your pin, and stab the packet, so that the pin works to keep the packet shut.

Wait until you have to use the bathroom. When you need to go (one or two,) you have a choice... You may defecate/urinate upon the packet or toss it in afterwards, but when you are done, as you flush say, "XX, so do I flush away your happiness and career, into the sewer where it belongs. XX, just as you are s***, now may your life be s***." Flush. Say "This spell will not reverse, nor place upon me any curse, as is my will - so mote it be.

Your enemy should suffer... Tho, generally, this charm has a working life of as long as it takes to disolve amongst the fecal matter. Enjoy your enemy's misery.

I do not condone you cursing people who do not need to be cursed, but I know you want to anyways, and so... I take no responsibility for what harm you do to yourself or others with this curse.

Enjoy!

Blessings!

~Cat

That Prosperity/Money Spell for the Cheap....as promised

Hello my occulties...

As you can all imagine, your favorite occult mastermind has been busy, busy, busy... So... Yeah, I slacked on your money spell... I know, I know...

So here it is.

What you are going to do is get yourself 4 quarters, preferably from your birth year. Place this on top of a piece of paper where you have written your name four times, turned the paper 1/4 turn, and written "Money magnet" across your name four times. Now you sprinkle some cinnamon, some basil, some cloves and some time over those quarters and paper, and put an overturned saucer over the quarters, paper, and herbs. Now get a green candle of your choice and carve "(your name) is a money magnet" on one side. Light the candle. Secure the candle to the overturned saucer with drippings if need be. Allow to burn out. When you are done (ie the candle has burnt itself out,) bury the name paper in your back yard. Place the quarters in a safe place where they will not be spent and yet are also near or in your wallet. This should effectively draw money/prosperity to you. You will have to recharge the quarters occaisionally by working this same spell. Enjoy.

OK...well, that is the end of the "Cheap Series..." We will return to the regular format of "Cat's Rants" on our next post. :)

~Cat

R.I.P. Bubba, the Leviathan Lobster

This post is dedicated to Bubba, the 22 pound lobster.... Who lived perhaps up to 100 years of age, although we are told by marine biologists, it was likely half of that... Still, not bad for a gigantic sea bug... Please read here if you would like more info on this.

Bubba the Lobster: ? - March 2, 2005