Hello my Occulties,
While I understand this may be review for some of you, I get a lot of the same questions and see people having a lot of the same problems, so I felt it was time to post an article up for my readers who are spellworkin' to get someone to return and finding they are having trouble with this. While all of us are impatient for our spells to manifest at one time or another, it seems many people are all the more so impatient when it comes to matters of love, so if you're having a slow reconcilation manifestation, this article may be exactly what you need.
*Stop Spying. I can see eyes rolling in the rant room like I just suggested that you're sneaking around your intended's house snapping pictures through their window late at night like some sort of stalkerish weirdo. I don't think most or even a lot of you believe that sort of behavior is okay, so that is really not what I mean...but if you ARE sneaking around your beloved's property acting like a stalkerish weirdo, then you actually SHOULD stop doing that - it's creepy and not helpful. ;)
However, what I mean is it's time to stop trying to glean info from someone's (be they rival or spell-target) Facebook page or blog - I'd recommend actually avoiding internet visits to blogs and social networking sites belonging to targets or rivals entirely during the manifestation process. If so-and-so's home is not on your route home, do not go out of your way to drive by their house. Do not show up in places your spell target is likely to be if it's not a place you would normally be (were you not invested in getting them back.)
Not only is spying creepy and often much more obvious than you may realize (especially the driving past someone's house a lot - stop trying to rationalize it, you look like a nutjob, and you know it,) it's also often detrimental to your work. You doubt things are coming together as you wanted, so you are more or less picking the work apart to check and see if it's doing what you want. If you truly don't have faith in your spells and have to regularly spy on your target in an effort to see if your spell is doing what you want it to, I suggest you quit spellcasting now. Having faith in the spell sometimes means not doing the equivellant of tapping it on the proverbial shoulder every 2 seconds to ask it what it's accomplished (which would, if your spell was a person, really impede them from accomplishing anything.)
Also, this spying is a sickness. Rarely does anything positive come from it. Generally all that comes from it is more anxiety, more fear, and...nothing good, on top of shredding your spell energy with your doubt (because spying is the manifestion of doubt and insecurity.)
*Be your best you in public at all times. I can't begin to stress how unsexy that martyr-for-love act is. Does anyone REALLY want to go back to dating you if you cry all the time, make emotional speeches of how hurt and in pain you are over the loss of your ex, act like an obsessive and mentally unstable weirdo, and don't eat or get dressed or look nice or bathe or.... No, that's really unsexy. If you were my ex, I'd totally avoid you if you acted like that. Why? Because I'd think you were crazy and not a fun "let's party til the sun comes up" sort of crazy, but more like a "he's probably going to freak out and kidnap me and keep me prisoner in his closet for 5 years if I even acknowledge his presence" sort of crazy. O_o
Listen, I understand why you are the martyr-for-love. Someone broke your heart and you feel sad and emotional. I get it. What I don't get is how you think that's going to help you get your ex back. Your ex didn't fall in love with a weepy snot-covered dishevelled person who is so jaded, and probably your ex doesn't appreciate what they perceive as you trying to make them feel bad for exiting from the relationship. Even if your ex feels bad for your current (and obvious) mental state, they probably just feel bad like they want to put you in a psych ward so you can improve and get better sort of bad... It's not going to win them over.
Try this instead: try to put out the best you. Get dressed, if you wear make up normally, put that on. Look nice. Act like you're happy and mentally sound. Even if you don't have contact with your ex, letting the general public know that you're a sane and attractive individual with more to offer society that crying jags about your former boyfriend/girlfriend is a big step in the right direction. You want to project that you are the person you were before you got your heart stomped, not some annoying crybaby that makes everyone else around him/her uncomfortable with emotional outbursts. People hate melodramatics, so...don't be the person people hate. The more you try to get back to being the best you, the faster you'll heal and actually be that person again, which is going to make it 100x more likely your ex will be interested in you again. :)
Remember - reconcilation does involve some "re-seduction" of the target. If you're visibly a total and complete mess, no one is going to want you to try to seduce them. ;) So, remember to represent yourself as someone people would desire to be with in a romantic way.
*Put down the phone. Stop emailing. Over the years, I've heard some really interesting "reasons" for contacting one's ex, and while not all of them are bad, the vast majority are.
When *should* you contact your ex, or when is it "okay" to do so? While I'm sure there are exceptions to every rule I would say: 1.) you share a child or children; 2.) You work together - even then keep it "business only" talk unless your ex starts talking about your relationship; 3.) You live together still.
If you didn't get your possessions back from that person's house, don't pretend that's an emergency and you must get them back now a few months after the break. Such a lame excuse. So lame. Lame. Is your name Lamey McLamerson? Did I say you're lame? Because if you think no one is going to know you're just contacting your ex to contact your ex and it's not really about your stuff when you ask for it back a month later you are so lame that I don't even have the heart to tell you how lame and not-fooling-anyone you are. Maybe you're fooling yourself, but no one else here is fooled. That makes you look pathetic. Remember, if you're trying to be your best you (see above) then looking pathetic is not being your best you. Chances are, your ex threw out your stuff soon after you left anyhow. Related to this is mailing your ex's stuff to them or dropping it off. If they want that stuff they will call you. Do not call or contact over possessions. It's fine to respond to your ex's request for items back or to respond to requests from your ex for you to retrieve your stuff from them, but unless your ex is making those requests, then don't contact them over your hairbrush or jeans at their house (or their dirty gym socks at your house.) ;) Your ex will just think you're making an excuse to make contact with them, and they will resent that.
If they owe you money, you probably won't be seeing that money again while they are your ex. Sorry. While when it comes to lending FRIENDS money, I'd say you should still remember never to lend anyone money with the expectation of seeing it again (I generally just gift it and say "If you can pay me back sometime, great, but I wouldn't offer you this money if I couldn't spare it," when it comes to friends,) but when it comes to lovers and romantic partners, the liklihood of seeing your money again is even less. Don't pretend it's about you wanting that $50 you lent them 2 years ago, anyhow, because we both know it's not. ;) Again, your ex will think you're asking for the money back only because you want an excuse to make contact with them, and they will probably resent that.
Your ex probably doesn't want those gifts you made/bought for them (and never had the chance to give) now that you two are broken up, so do not give your ex those gifts. Return them to the store, hold on to them forever if you prefer, or even give them to someone else, but don't give gifts to your ex post-break up. That is not a legit, uncreepy excuse to make contact with this person.
Your ex does not want to hear how you care about them or love them or miss them most likely either.
So...there is probably no reason to contact your ex. There is no excuse to be made for doing it. Stop emailing, stop phoning, and wait for your spell to manifest so that your ex will contact YOU. Otherwise your attempts to contact this person just look like you are a scary person with no respect for boundaries, and that's not sexy and won't get you to any place good.
*Think about something else. Often, what's holding up that spell manifestation is the petitioner (person who the spell is cast on behalf of,) is refusing to let go of the situation and thinking the spell unto death.
I don't think any of you reading this are robots, and I do realize this can be a difficult task keeping the spell out of your mind. I understand it's hard to avoid theorizing how the spell will manifest. I know sometimes it's hard NOT to think of your ex or how much you miss them...so allow me to suggest something. Give yourself 15 minutes every day at a specific time (often right before bed is a good time for most people) where you allow yourself to engage in any sort of "bad thinking" behaviors (for example "thinking the spell to death" or "refusing to let go of the situation" or fantasizing, etc,) and reserve that 15 minutes as the only time you can engage in that sort of thinking. When you feel a fantasy about your ex coming on, tell yourself "I can think about that during my 15 minutes, so I'll put it away for later," and then put your mind elsewhere.
The less time you spend making yourself anxious by thinking about the situation, the better you are going to feel, too. Who actually wants to be a freaked out emotional basket case? Anyone? I know I don't! ;)
*Stop talking about your ex. Wow, I think I just heard a bunch of my readers' friends breathe a huge sigh of relief. ;) I knew your friends were sick of hearing about your ex all of the time. ;) BUT, I tell you this not to relieve your friends from the endless duty of listening to you vent on the subject of your ex and break up, but rather because...guess what? Chances are your friends know your ex, or have friends who are friends with your ex, or friends of friends of friends who are friends with your ex, and everything you're saying? It's getting back to your ex. And it's probably not making your ex happy.
On top of this, by bringing up this sad subject all of the time, you're keeping yourself attatched to the past, and opening up the wounds caused by the break up each time. That's not helpful for your mental well-being, and it's going to keep you anchored to that hurt. You need to let go of that PAST so you can sail on to your desired FUTURE, and if that future you want is a future with your ex back as your partner, keeping that death-grip on the past is going to prevent you from ever getting to that future.
Also, your friends contacted me and told me to please tell you to STFU, they are so so so sick of hearing about it. ;) Not really, but they wish they asked me to say this to you.
*Relax and let the spell work. If you're doing any of the above, you're not relaxing and letting your spell do it's work. ;) It's time to relax and let things happen - you'll be surprised how much faster your spell manifests when you do.
I hope this has been helpful,
PS- The "add image" function has been giving me hell lately. I will probably be adding some fun images to the article later so if it changes appearance slightly, please do not be alarmed. ;)
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