I know, I know, why am I doing this again? Because I have to. Please feel free to laugh, to shudder, or to go "Wait, I didn't realize this!" ;) Enjoy...because I'm sure I just offended some people. I wish I was sorry about that. :/
Q: Where do you buy sulfur? I have looked everywhere! I swear!!!!!!!
Q: Will you give me free answers to every question I have about spells or my situation?
A: Well, I actually sell that service. It's called spell-coaching. I don't do it for free because my experience is that people abusively expect me to work 12 straight hours for free answering every question they ever had, even if it's been answered in the Questions You've Asked Me archives.
Q: Why are you not rich and famous?
A: I don't want to be famous...with "rich," I'd say there's a limit to getting money wherein one finds they have no real friends anymore. Financial security sounds nice, but I don't really want to have so much money that I no longer can trust anyone is my friend. I'm rich with people who love me, as cheesy as that sounds.
Q: Why did you decline to let me hire you?
A: Probably because I felt you had egregiously misleading ideas of what a spell could achieve for you, or you clearly lied on your application, or perhaps it's because I felt that you and I wouldn't get along well. There's a multitude of reasons. However, in my business FAQ I clearly state to not ask me this question, and mostly because I don't like to make anyone feel upset that I said no. People get very touchy about this. :(
Q: Will you choose a perfect spell for my situation for free? And then tell me how to do it? And also give me free spell advice?
A: I sell that service. It's called spell-coaching.
Q: Where do I buy supplies?
Q: Can I use a filthy rotting used-condom in this spell?
A: I would not recommend you use rancid semen that's been stuck in a condom for I-don't-want-to-know-how-long. Unless I (or the author) specified using freshly gathered (as in you JUST GOT AHOLD OF IT minutes ago!) semen (which one usually soaks into another thing when that is stipulated,) the proper method is to gather dried semen from a rag, cloth, or tissue which does not have any of your cervical or bodily fluids or semen on as well.
If you have a condom over a day old, please throw that out. That will get rancid and nasty. Ew.
Q: Can I use a used tampon or maxi-pad?
A: Gather it quickly, clip out some of the batting or cotton, dispose of the rest. Better to handle when dry if not your own tampon. If it's your own tampon, you can "Milk" it as soon as you remove it by squeezing it into a cup and letting it dry. If you want to save the blood and it's your own, get a small bottle (like a mini-liquor bottle) and have your own freezer. Place the fresh blood into the bottle and keep frozen at all times, otherwise it will go bad and stink and be as bad as the rancid condom mentioned above. You *might* be able to do this with semen, but not having a set of testes, I can't say I've harvested my own semen after jerking off. :) I also do not hold on to fresh semen of others, and never have. Sorry, it's just not my thing. :/
Let us never discuss this again. *barfs*
But semen and vaginal secretions and period blood? All useful when dried. Why let that stink anything up when you don't have to? Especially if you're gathering from a target, you normally will prefer it dry, and do not bother keeping it fresh unless the spell stipulates FRESH semen or FRESH bodily fluids. ;)
Q: You said I need a hair from the head or the hat band, so does that mean I can use something else?
A: No, if I directly said what you had to use, then you need that particular item.
Q: Can I put cumin in hot foot?
A: I wouldn't suggest it, and I wouldn't use your hot foot if you replaced an ingredient with cumin.
Q: If you are so in love with Ryan Gosling, why aren't you married to him?
A: I don't know as I'd like him, just parts of him. That said, I prefer to lust from a distance. Just because someone is sexually attractive to me, that doesn't mean I need to put that notch on my bedpost. Most of what I say about Mr Gosling is for humor purposes, but, Mr Gosling, if you're reading this, feel free to buy me a drink anytime, and I'd never spellcast to make that happen...because I don't need it that much, but you're still f*cking beautiful, and I wouldn't say no to a free vodka if you offered. :)
Q: Can I tell you how you're a bad Catholic?
A: I'd rather you didn't. Most of those who do are merely ignorant on folk Catholic practices around the world, but if you're such a good Catholic, you might want to drop the sin of pride by telling me such a thing...or not. Whatever you want to do. I'm not your judge, not being Christ or God or any saint by any stretch of the imagination.
On a personal note, I find people like it when I don't give them unsolicited religious speeches, which isn't surprising, since I don't care for them myself. If someone wants my view on religion, then they can ask, but until that time, I try to keep it to myself. Except the one time a friend of mine asked when Lent was over and I made fun of him for being a "heathen agnostic," and then he made fun of me for being a "Lent-loving-Catholic," and then we both laughed at each other (and he offered me a dessert since I gave them up for Lent,) - since we both have this thing called a FUCKING SENSE OF HUMOR it was hilarious. :) I don't care that he or you or anyone else is or is not any religion. Give me the same respect about not caring about my beliefs unless you are curious about them rather than trying to correct me. Namaste, bitches. :)
Q: What if I hate Catholics and Christianity?
A: I don't care, just so long as you don't give me a lecture about either. We don't need to discuss religion, or saints, or Christianity, or anything of the sort. In fact, if you have angry feelings about those things, we should avoid the topic altogether so we can be respectful of each other's beliefs or lack thereof, right? Right.
Q: How can you tell if you were cursed 1000 years ago?
A: I have no intelligent answer for that...um, perhaps find a past life coach? Honestly, you've been dead so many times if it was a millennia ago, that I'm going out on a limb here, but I think you're gonna be OK. Most spells don't even last a year. :)
Q: If spells don't last like a year, then will it wear off and everything goes back to how it was and then it's like it never happened?
A: Well, the idea is to create a permanent condition or to create an opporunity. So, if I cursed you to lose an eye, and your eye fell out, it won't grow back a year later or magically reappear, no. However, if I do a spell to make your ex come back, and you're still a rotten shit to that person when they return, and they leave again? The spell worked, they came back, and you chased them off. It's not an armor against stupidity, unfortunately.
So, if you work against the spell, or you continue to create a bad situation for yourself, the spell will not work infinitely, no. For example, if you really want a job, you get that job, then you never show up for it, you won't get paid for working that job, and you'll lose the job.
No opportunity is permanent, and spell influence often begins to wear down over time, so the idea is to "strike while the iron is hot."
Q: Are you this bitchy in real life?
A: Sometimes. I tend to react poorly to willful ignorance, freebie abuse, and willful stupidity. Also, I hate when someone asks my advice or my opinion so that they can tell me it's wrong. However, my main problem is that sarcasm translates horribly in type, and that I work with sensitive people. I actually get a long with a lot of people, and surprisingly several of them tell me I'm actually nice. Yep, I'm shocked, too.
Q: Are you still sad that your friend is dead?
A: Yes, I will always be sad that she was stolen from myself and her loved ones so senselessly and so young, however, I'm feeling much better than I was right after it happened. You might say I've come to terms with it. I'm sort of disturbed you'd keep asking me this, though, since it's incredibly insensitive.
Q: I have never dated someone but want to marry them - is there a spell for that?
A: I strongly suggest having a committed relationship with someone. It's very emotionally immature to assume you could be married to them, even if you're friends right now. You need to try a romantic relationship on before you even contemplate marriage. I mean, when I was 14, I used to dream of stuff like that, too. Luckily, I started actually dating people, and realized great friends do not always make great romantic partners. Please try DATING SOMEONE FOR A LONG WHILE before considering marriage.
Q: Is there a spell to make bitches want to fuck me?
A: With that sort of language and attitude, the only females who will likely offer are the kind you pay by the half-hour for sexual acts, - spell or not, that's what you can find with your shit attitude. I'm sure they are happy to take your money right now. :)
Q: Will you cast a spell for me for free?
Q: Will you answer one psychic question for me for free?
I hope this has been educational, and yes, I've heard all of this in the last month. :/ So, while I hope many of you are laughing, I do hope some of you did find this educational...because some of you needed the education.
On a brighter note, I've had a lull in paying business (or I should say business I can accept, since it's so much "free" questions and/or unrealistic requests,) that I've had some time to work on a spell article for you all. Hope to have it up soon! :D
Your ever-cranky, bitchy-faced rootworker,