Hello my dearies,
While I do realize not all practitioners are the same, not all rootworkers are the same, and not all of the same things will drive us batsh*t crazy, this has been coming for a long time. Why? Because its not only my problem, I hear the same complaints from friends who are in the spellworker-for-hire biz, so...to enlighten you, this is how to make yourself a persona non-gratis, how to be the figurative wart on the behind of your practitioner, how to become a sucky time-wasting horror-story....because if you know HOW to be that person, maybe you can avoid being that person.
Before I begin, please keep in mind, EVERYONE will exhibit one or more of these behaviors on an off day. If its like one single day ever, and you're not always this way, you're probably still okay in the eyes of your practitioner.
Way to drive your practitioner insane #1: Whine constantly! Allow me to give you an example...imagine if you will, that you are my professional spellcaster, and you are helping me on a love/recon issue, and every day (sometimes more than once a day,) I send you an email a little bit like this: "OMG, Rootworker, I am so sad today. I had such a bad day! I mean, first I fought with recon-target even though you told me not to, and then I got really mad, and I set all of his stuff on fire and danced around it in a vacant lot. You know, sometimes that s*** makes me feel better. I guess it didn't this time, right? Cuz then I got really plastered wasted drunk and stuff, and I called recon-target crying. Well, I took a nap since then, so I'm not drunk anymore, but now I feel really sick and sad, and I know I was bad, and why didn't you tell me that this would happen? Its been like a whole effing week since you cast that spell for me and everything should be perfect and wonderful now, and I'm so mad and angry and I don't know what to do...everything makes me sad. You know that filet-of-fish commercial with the singing fish? Recon-target used to love that song so much, and that commercial came on, and I couldn't help it! My life is over! I'm so sad, I was crying and crying, and I know you said not to fight with him or do bad stuff, but its your fault I'm upset, and I'm only human so I make mistakes! You know that!"
Okay, for those of you thinking that's an exaggeration? No, I've seen shniz like that before. More than once. However, that's more like...a bad person. Let me give you the average whining-constantly client...who isn't bad in the sense they can't follow directions, but is just a miserable person... Now, I will be the client, and you be the rootworker, so my communicae goes like this, "OMG, rootworker, how much longer til I am happy? I know sometimes things go bad a little bit before they get good, but now I'm sad so I doubt that. I'm having such a bad day. I mean, I saw recon-target today, and he didn't smile at me! He was in his car and I was walking. Is it normal for it to take this long? Because I think like 10 days is long enough. What is wrong with him? Is it me? Is this never going to work because I was so horrible?"
I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. And why? Because if I see this ONCE maybe TWICE, I think, "Hey, someone had a bad day." But usually someone who writes this does this at least twice a week. Sometimes more. So...that really drives practitioners crazy and why? Guess what, it isn't your practitioner's job to be a free cheerleader. Sure, we all go through whiney and bitchy times in our lives (yours truly totally included,) but to do this so often is ridiculous. Its draining. Its awful to deal with. It also isn't any practitioner's job to be your therapist or cheerleader.
Way to drive your practitioner insane #2: Imply that you deserve free psychic readings or free spells! Now, one of my least favorite things on the planet has to be people who have a false sense of entitlement. Guess what, if a service costs money at a business, then everyone has to pay for that service. Its the same everywhere for everyone. Case in point, let's say I get my car fixed, and I need something very simple like brake pads put in...just a maintnance thing, right? What if, while I'm there, I say, "Oh, and rotate those tires for free for me since that's no big deal, right?" Well, the guy fixing my car would laugh right in my face, and he should. ;) Everyone deserves compensation for their work.
So, how is it any different when someone says: "Rootworker, please tell me what you see coming for me on this situation, because I need your psychic insight." Uh...yeah, okay, then you can schedule a reading with that rootworker and pay for it like everyone else. Or, the other side of that coin is "Rootworker, I know I effed up my spell doing this, so just redo it." Um, okay, then you can pay for the supplies for the rootworker to redo your spell...and I guarantee no one will spot you a freebie if you imply you deserve one. ;) Sometimes, if you're awesome and not high-maintnance, someone WILL give you a freebie. Treasure it. Love it. Appreciate it. Don't expect it.
Way to drive your practitioner insane #3: Act like their life revolves around you! While this may utterly shock some of you, guess what?! Just about every single practitioner that I've ever met - whether or not they serve the public, has a life outside of spellcasting. Seriously. Yep, seriously. Totally serious here.
The really exciting and mind-warping thing about that? All of those people actually sleep sometimes, and they get sick sometimes, and sometimes they even have a bad day or have a personal emergency, or even things as basic as electrical problems. I know, I know, how can these amazing beings ever have normal-people-problems, right? I mean if you're the spellcasting master, how is that possible?
Its possible because they are human beings. Guess what? When I wiggle my nose, a new house, a paid electric bill, a dinner cooked by unseen spirits, or even a million bucks does not fall out of a vortex in the ceiling into my lap. Crazy, huh? Apparently since I was born a human being, I am vulnerable to all the same things that other human beings are vulnerable to. This (believe it or not,) is true of every single practitioner, rootworker, holy person, or whathaveyou. Everyone has human weaknesses. Yeah, I know, its totally shocking, huh? Spellcasters DO have bad relationships sometimes, they do catch virulent illnesses, they do barf after eating food that has gone bad, they do often have families who they need to help or comfort or serve food to or change the diapers of or worry about the health and education of, and they even occaisionally have money problems, or even sometimes bad things like floods and tornadoes hit their homes. Yeah, who ever realized that spellcasters are people, too? Shocking, huh?
So, if they have a life outside of spellcasting, and problems that happen to them even when they are spellworking, then what does that mean?
It means, don't be shocked if you sent an email or gave a call off-hours and don't recieve an immediate response. It means, don't get angry, frustrated, or freaked out if someone can't be there at your beck and call immediately. It means, recognize you are probably one of many clients. As long as you understand that your practitioner's life does not revolve around you, that he or she is human and therefore does likely have both a life and interests outside of work may sometimes mean he or she takes his or her free moments to enjoy their loved ones, or their hobbies, and that's not a personal statement about you, and that as long as you are patient and understanding that just like all human beings, your practitioner is a complicated being with needs, wants, loved ones, and human weaknesses, that you will get along with your pracitioner just fine. Those of you who just think we sit at an altar every moment we're not on the phone or writing an email, and that nothing bad ever happens to us? You'll be disappointed. Sorry, even practitioners have problems and like things other than spellcraft. ;)
Way to drive your practitioner insane #4: Be rude! I personally don't deal with rude people, but I know those that do. If you really want to be a jerk, why don't you go find a rock somewhere and crawl back under it where you belong? Just a thought. ;)
Way to drive your practitioner insane #5: WRITE IN ALL CAPITALS, ESPECIALLY WHEN MAKING A DEMAND and not a request! Okay, when you write in ALL CAPITALS this is YELLING. If you YELL at me, even if in type, I will tell you TO GO EFF YOURSELF AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON!! And, if you get really creative and decide THIS IS HOW TO MAKE A DEMAND since you obviously don't realize you need to make a request of someone unless you presume this person is your slave, then...well, that's really just showing you're a rude and sh*tty person right there. Please see number four. I'm more of a total all-capitals-Nazi, but really, I've heard others agree with me on this one.
See, this just shows you have no manners, are socially-inept, and this is likely why you have so many problems that you've decided spells are your only salvation. Listen, behavioral therapy, and some social skills are your only salvation. Get the therapy, learn those skills, and then watch your life improve.
Remember when you were little and your mom said "You need to say 'please,' and 'thank you,'" and you got denied what you wanted til you learned that? Remember the "yes, please," and "no, thank you," and even having to say MAY I, instead of CAN I? (If you had my mom, you said may I have this, not can I have it, unless you never wanted it.) ;) Well these were valuable things your mother taught you because having manners and being polite really really helps when you're trying to make a request of someone. Just sayin'.
Way to drive your practitioner insane #6: Contact them frequently for no good reason! I really like most of the people who've contacted me...then there are the ones who ask me totally random stuff, or update me about nothing. My practitioner friends seem to also resent this... Allow me to give an example:
Update about nothing: "Hey rootworker, I just came to tell you nothing happened today. Anyhow, I thought about it and its okay nothing happened today since its only been a day now." Really. Fabu. Wonderberry. Awesome. Why are you telling me about nothing? I mean...yay? Seriously, if a day has passed since a spell was cast, generally nothing has happened.
Or...there's this: "Dear Rootworker, I wanted to ask you, even though it has nothing to do with what I'm working with you on - do you think I should have tacos or pizza for dinner?" Really? What do I think you should eat? Does that matter? Really... in the scheme of things, does it matter?
While its not unheard of to get into some sort of conversation unrelated to the issue you and your pracititioner are working on, sometimes its best not to just blurt out everything that crosses your mind. For real.
Way to drive your practitioner insane #7: Ask their advice so you can tell them that they are wrong! Some people seem to think I say this because I'm offended you don't agree with me. No, I don't care if you don't agree with me. No one really cares if you don't agree with them...well, maybe a few people, but let's just be honest with ourselves...if you never came to me asking my opinion, I'd never have offered it. If you don't like my opinion, then the normal-person thing to do is to say "I see, thank you for your time," and seek a second opinion. There is no need to try to argue me or argue to anyone else that they must see it the way you do. I mean, you asked what their thought on the matter was - you didn't tell them to think how you do, you ASKED THEM WHAT THEIR OPINION WAS on the matter. Get it?
Furthermore, when you write me and tell me explicitly what you believe the problem you're having is, there is a chance I might not agree. If you can't deal with me not agreeing with you and saying as much, perhaps you should begin with "Hey, I know I'm right about this, so if you don't agree with what I have to say, just don't reply." You won't hear from me even if I agree. ;)
Way to drive your practitioner insane #8: Act crazy and threaten people and yourself constantly! This seems to surprise a few people, but if thinly-veiled or not-at-all-veiled threats of greivous bodily harm to yourself or another is actually something that I am legally obligated to report to the authorities. For example, "If he doesn't answer my call, I'm driving over to his house and killing him, because I've had enough," is a pretty serious threat. Or...if you say "Well, I'm about ready to kill myself," that is also a serious threat. Saying these things makes it so we can't work for you. The best one I ever heard was a woman outright threatened suicide, no questions asked. She was like "I'm so sick of this waiting and pain, I just want to kill myself." Of course I was like "You need immediate psychological attention, I may need to call the police to ensure you don't harm yourself," etc, etc. She comes back 2 days later and tells me she saw a psychologist and he said everything she'd said was totally normal and healthy. Anyone else smell bullsh*t? Yeah, I thought so. Its bad enough you threaten suicide, but then tell a bad lie to cover it up? Really, I'm not stupid, and neither are you.
If you are suicidal, homicidal, or seeking to harm yourself or others, you need to get emergency psychiatric help. Plus its really creepy, and I might get a restraining order. I take threats against me very seriously, threats against others seriously, and threats against yourself seriously. Guess what? Any good practitioner will take those threats seriously, and they will contact the police to get you some mental help that you so desperately and obviously need.
Way to drive your practitioner insane #9: Talk graphically about your sex life! Guess what? No one wants to know about the mole so-and-so has on his ballsac. No one wants to know about what gets you off. One lady once told me "Its okay, I have a vibrator." You know what? Gross, I don't want to know. If you have one, then keep that thought to yourself. I don't want to know you diddled yourself. I don't want to know about the oral sex. I don't want to know where he put what. I don't really want to know about any of it. Guess what else? Everyone I've ever met who's a practitioner would like you to remember to hold back. Just hold back that description. Please.
Its okay to say "Hey, we had sex," or "Oh, we made out," but past that? Its your business, and none of us want to know.
Related, but not the same... We don't want to know about your barf, your poop, how your pee smelled, how anything smelled (bodily anythings,) or other such intimate details that are...just....gross. Got a mole on your whatever? Good for you, keep that to yourself. If I wanted to know, I'd seduce you to find out. :X I don't care how big anyone's peepee is or how anyone's vagoo is. The people who's private areas matter to me would be my own private areas and those of my guy. Since you are not us, keep your bodily functions, moles, private parts, tits, ass, penis, manboobs, vagoo, ejaculatory consistincies, birth marks, hot spots, g-spots and everthing else to yourself. Thanks.
Way to drive your practitioner insane #10: Rationalize your bad behaviors with "I couldn't help myself," or "I'm human, I make mistakes," or etc. First of all, I only believe you can't help yourself or stop yourself from doing something if you are literally being held hostage, your life is in danger, and someone is holding a gun to your head. Oh, also, if you're tied up and somehow physically being made incapble of action, then obviously the situation is out of your hands. Otherwise? Its your fault. Sorry, it is. Accept that, and you will someday become capable of learning from your mistakes and not repeating them.
I realize people make mistakes.... I don't hate people for making mistakes. I think its a bit absurd to willfully and knowingly eff up, and then blame it on human weakness (no, I don't agree there,) but I do understand that sometimes due to ignorance or severe mental incapacity, we all eff up. In saying that, if you're still effing up because you're so emotionally distraught, you are in no place to start getting spellwork. You need to calm down and be rational. If you aren't rational or you're making bad mistakes due to emotional distress...then you need a psychotherapist and not a psychic or spellcaster. :)
This is not an all-inclusive list, but I hope it has been educational all the same. :)