Cat's Rants - Confessions of an Occult Mastermind

Let’s Talk About Communication

Hey kids, 

Since my business contacts are a bit uninformed on my policies, let’s review how one goes about properly contacting me. 

For example, short of severe email problems, you should ONLY CONTACT ME VIA MY SITE EMAIL (it ends in originalninjacat.com,) AND you and I will have established that you can make an exception to the rules for you to contact me via any other route (text/sms, chat service, etc,) which is only acceptable if your emails are not reaching me…and you may be confused as to if they are or are not because…

EVERY NEW EMAIL RESETS YOUR WAIT ON ALL UNANSWERED EMAILS, so sending reminders and multiples is often an INCREDIBLY BAD IDEA. Not just because you will wait longer for a reply but also because…

Nagging me because you prolonged your own wait ona reply when I am busy as fuck (as I am at this writing,) just gets you fired. 

So since several of you seem unaware if this, please keep this in mind.

~Cat

Let’s Talk About Communication

Hey kids, 

Since my business contacts are a bit uninformed on my policies, let’s review how one goes about properly contacting me. 

For example, short of severe email problems, you should ONLY CONTACT ME VIA MY SITE EMAIL (it ends in originalninjacat.com,) AND you and I will have established that you can make an exception to the rules for you to contact me via any other route (text/sms, chat service, etc,) which is only acceptable if your emails are not reaching me…and you may be confused as to if they are or are not because…

EVERY NEW EMAIL RESETS YOUR WAIT ON ALL UNANSWERED EMAILS, so sending reminders and multiples is often an INCREDIBLY BAD IDEA. Not just because you will wait longer for a reply but also because…

Nagging me because you prolonged your own wait ona reply when I am busy as fuck (as I am at this writing,) just gets you fired. 

So since several of you seem unaware if this, please keep this in mind.

~Cat

Readings

Hey kids,

Looks like it’s that time to once again explain readings to my client base - and I don’t mean what they are but what they do to the very fragile environment which is my schedule. 

Readings, while being a hugely over-used and very-invasive diagnostic tool, DO comfort some people. I understand this and if my schedule is relatively light, they are in no way burdensome. But the reality is for every 20 readings I do, 1 is probably going to be useful for the purpose of moving along the spell in a better direction. Furthermore I can read you and your situation quite well without trying to pull this information in a focused state, the difference being I don’t have to reword and explain to you what I pick up, nor am I overly focused on exact dates and times (frankly my meter runs from: now, to soon, to not too soon, to so far off I really am not secure about it - when I am not focused,) and I’m also do not need to try to fight off someone else’s energies to read the situation which is common if I’m speaking to someone very invested in an outcome. They won’t stop messing with what I’m trying to pick up - their energy messes with the transmission as they try to pick apart what I’m saying as I say it. Usually I am quite aware of what my client wants, so them disrupting energy to project their own hopes and fears on it is not going to help me glean anything I don’t know. And it’s an icky feeling a fair amount if the time to even do these readings. Like do you want to feel the energy of a ton of angry and hurt and vengeful and desperate people on top of your own feelings? Several times a day? And it’s very draining to have my energy pulled all over the place on top of this. It exhausts me. I even try to get most or all of my spells done before I talk to anyone because if I don’t I have to rest and refresh and that takes up precious spellcasting time just like readings do…thanks to being so hugely disruptive merely for being what they are. 

And this does not even account for the time spent coaching many people through every circumstance from casting to manifestation, which is a duty which has grown exponentially since I started. I am now consulted over even the most trivial of happenings. So if each reading will take 1-2 hours over the alotted reading time out of my day, the communication part has at least tripled in the last ten years, leading to large swaths of time where I might not have time enough to shower or eat so I have to choose which I do. 

This is compounded by the fact I just moved, I have chores and s personal life, and one of my birds broke his wing and his vet is almost an hour away and I have to medicate him which requires grabbing him, rolling him in a towel and forcing his liquid meds into his very unwilling angry little beak. 

Now if I had zero readings, I’d have a lot more time to communicate ESPECIALLY IF PEOPLE STOP SENDING MULTIPLE REMINDERS ON NOT LATE EMAILS SINCE I HAVE FIVE BUSINESS DAYS TO REPLY AND EACH NEW EMAIL RESETS THE WAIT ON ALL OF THEIR UNANSWERED ONES. And even then if half of my talkative clients (just half) halved their communications I’d have the ability to almost double my caseload. 

Add to that very reality that zero readings regardless of my talkative folks would allow me to add 30-40% more spellcastings and I’d be less exhausted and cheerier for not having to experience the dreadful emotional turmoil often present in those getting them and you have the semi-annual halt to reading services starting now. 

if it’s literally life or death, I might read. If it’s scheduled I’ll do it. But for at least the next week, DO NOT seek me for reading services. It’s taking up far too much time and energy right now. I’ll let you know when the service resumes

~Cat 

The Uhaul Incident and New House Sale

Hey there my occultey friends, 

So many of you have asked what exactly has been going on because my time has been difficult to schedule and I’ve not written much in months…plus getting me to write a lot is a bit like pulling teeth. The short answer is…the world’s worst Uhaul, which is on Marginal Way in Portland, ME, lost and destroyed almost all of my earthly possessions in July 2023. Why? E cause they were too inept to do their jobs and are terrible people who literally lost my whole life in a computer error. This is $30k-$40k worth of accumulated clothing, electronics, furniture, fine art, food and hygiene items, linens and blankets….even priceless and unreplaceable items and memorabilia from friends and loved ones who have died. As you might imagine, this was awful, and while some of you might say “at least you didn’t have to pay storage?” This was a summer move and required moving in with a friend for a few months until the real estate prices here settled to something more feasible. So I would not have paid to store it except in July. 

Not everything was lost of course - the birds, a suitcase (one of seven full ones plus several other containers of clothes, all lost now,) a bucket of cleaners and chemicals, a few shoes, most of my make up, a good portion of spell ingredients (but none of my religious statuary,) and a toolbox full of art supplies did survive the incident. That aside, we clearly need to rebuild from the ground up now that we have a house, so during what I normally term “the starving season” since getting paid in late November until about Martin Luther King day is like finding a unicorn, I’m trying to raise some capital so I can have things like a couch again. 

And hopefully I’ll have a working laptop again, and maybe even get a new iPhone this year since my 8 is in horrible shape. 

While I certainly am in no shape to refuse charity, I prefer to do a sale. I will add specific items here which are greater than 10% off (the list changes daily) but take 10% off of SPELL PRICES EXCEPT JAR SPELLS UNLESS ON SPECIAL until the end of November. 

TODAYS SPECIAL PRICES ARE: 

11/20/23
30 day spellcasting: normally $1125, today only $850
Sweet Jar (creation of jar + one month of service)  normally $175, today only $125

So contact me if interested in getting a deal on some spellwork! 

~Cat

Hex for Someone who Has Betrayed your Trust

Hey Occulties,

Now for something more exciting and not inspired by the people who don’t read the archives. 🤪

This is a spell to specifically work on a friend or confidant who has revealed your secrets or spoken falsely (in a bad way,) about you. If you trusted someone to remain discreet or if they posed as your friend only to be revealed as anything but that (since the true test of a friend is what they say when you’re not around,) this is the spell for you. 

You will need:
A lemon
Cayenne pepper
Animal dung
Broccoli buds
Heavy black thread or twine
A knife
A strong needle (an upholstery needle works well,)
A scrap of unused paper with all the edges torn (not cut) off
A black-inked marker or pen
An object which has touched the target’s mouth (such as a piece of napkin, straw, or cigarette butt)

Using your black-inked pen, write the target’s name nine times, once per line as such:
Firstname Lastname
Firstname Lastname
Firstname Lastname
Firstname Lastname(etc 5 more times, replacing the word firstname with their first name and lastname with their last name,) then turn the paper a quarter turn and write the command “Everything you say smells and sounds like shit” across this nine times to create a sort of grid with the name and the command. Fold the paper in half once, taking care to fold it up and not towards you, now fold the paper up again, still not folding towards you but upwards. Set this aside. Cut a small slit out of your lemon, - just a sliver and so not cut the lemon all the way through, place your personal item, your name paper, some broccoli and that dung into the slit. Now keeping your target in your mind’s eye sew the slit shut by stitching 9 x’s with your thread, and each time you make the x shape, say “(Full name of target,) every word you speak smells and sounds like shit until you take back all your lies and no person believes any secrets of mine you have told,” and when you say this the ninth time and stitched the final X shape to seal the slit (still keeping your target’s image in your mind’s eye,) say “as is my will, so be it!” Take the item and leave it in an abandoned or undeveloped property off of- and to the east of- your property. And walk away without looking back. 

I’m sure there will be questions, so please ask! 

~Cat

Chime and Revolut

Hey kids, 

while we all know I love CashApp the best as a pay processor, that’s not always an option for everyone, so I have 2 other suggestions. 

Chime is offering us both money if I refer you to sign up. It’s a lot like CashApp and Venmo and super convenient, so why the hell not. Feel free not to take my referral link (then neither of us get a sign on bonus 😕) or try it out for free and see what you think. We could both make $100 if you like it as much as I do. 😊

I already use it and think it’s fabulous! 

And if you’re looking for a way better pay processor than PayPal, check out Revolut for international transactions. It has much better exchange rates, much better service, and is a 300% improvement on clunky old PayPal! Try Revolut and see for yourself! ❤️

~Cat

Three Ways You May Be Slowing (or even ruining) Your Spellwork’s Manifestation

Hey Occulties, 

Time for a review of sorts (I’ve written similar articles,) about what you may be doing to slow your spellwork’s manifestation. 

*You are vigilantly focused on your situation, and often ruminate over what might happen next.

I’ve discussed lust for results, - I’m credited as the source for why this is now discussed at length as it was not really a huge topic until I started speaking about it over and over 15+ years ago, - and while it’s not a new problem, it’s visibly worsened since the onset of social media. Why? Because back when dinosaurs ruled the earth and we still didn’t know what social media was, it was very difficult to stalk people, and to make a point, we even did things like published a full free book listing peoples phone numbers and addresses. Why? Well, probably for the very reason one of my schools used your SSN freely as your ID number - this information could be given fearlessly as very few people could or would use this information in a harmful manner. Sure, it happened that people did use the info in harmful ways (the original terminator even found Sarah Connor using a traditional phone book,) but it was relatively rare so it’s just how we rolled. Because of the difficulty in stalking, people had a code of conduct which prevented many people from engaging in stalking. You’d have to practically drive back and forth in front of someone’s house and that was embarrassingly obvious. Or you might try calling and hanging up, but caller ID was invented so that was also not a covert way to stalk. This inability to be discreet led to people never starting that slow descent into obsessive anxiety. Thus the issue was not as prevalent.

Then came MySpace. Once that started the ability to covertly observe someone was greatly increased. Each new platform intensified this ability. When I first opened my business, I would say maybe 1/10th to 1/15th of my clients had lust for results badly enough to cause problems. Now it is at about 5 out of 6 clients. Many can be coached to stop the behavior but clearly the trend is now too many people have this issue. If you’re casting on your own you may wonder why the lack in results, and this is the likely cause.

Simply put, it’s an obsessive anxiety. The petitioner (person for who the spell is cast for,) repeatedly checks for signs of change in their situation, thinks on their situation, the spell, the people involved frequently, is often negative, sad, depressed, and feels nervous or hopeless when thinking in the situation, stalks the targets social media frequently (if applicable) fantasizes ir imagines in a negative light the future, and basically is overwhelmed by the situation and thoughts of it, sometimes to such a detrimental degree that they lose friends or their job. So this might mean you feel anxious, hopeless, depressed, and irrational (like too overjoyed about a reaction to a post or driven to a sobbing fit when you don’t get one.) 

The stupid excuse people give us that of course they are emotional - this thing or person they are using the spellwork on is quite meaningful to them so it only makes sense. This falls flat when you realize that your home means quite a bit to you but most of us don’t stalk social media and fall into a crying fit, incapable of moving from a prostrate position should we find out a fifty dollar repair is needed or if we find out our rose bush died over the winter. Or perhaps you love your home but need to relocate for a job. Do you stop eating, and grooming yourself, talking about anything but losing your beloved home, etc? If you would fall to pieces, you probably are if the original 1/10-1/15 I’d have run into  before the rise of social media who are prone to lust for results, if this sounds rather dramatic to you, —surprise! You can apply the following to all areas of life and all manner if people or things you’re attached to.

Start by accepting the loss. You have lost or are losing something even if it’s an amount of money to fix a thing or the amount of time you won’t have access to it to fix it, or even a permanent loss. Do not keep ripping open the wound. Instead address it. So with break ups you must say to yourself, “I have broken up with (person) so we are no longer a couple.” See there’s the part many get hung up on, - that’s scary. Don’t make this worse either, just say that to yourself. Then remind yourself the person is not dead, and that should you avoid bad behaviors and engage the right actions and behaviors that you can have them back. Maybe that might take time, or money, or patience, or faith but it’s not desperate. Remind yourself that. Accept what has happened. It’s not giving up. It’s letting yourself understand the loss or damage occurred and you cannot go back in time to change that, only work with what you have presently to make a future that you want. 

Next figure out what you want to do. Do you want this thing you lost, or can’t have, or to fix the thing? How can you do that? Well maybe you’d fix it yourself, or you hire a specialist to fix it. You make that plan. Have a back up plan too. Do your research.

Now engage the plan like you would plant a seed. I do not dig up a seed to ensure it’s growing. I plant the seed, give it food and let it grow. So then must you do this if you have faith (which is imperative for spellwork) in yourself and your plan. 

Now stop letting it rent space in your head. When the fears and doubts and desires to obsess on it or spy at it crawl in, remind yourself you’ve done the best you can and must now wait for it to blossom into being, 

Thats how to sidestep lust for results. If you’re anxious, emotional, obsessing, irrational, moody, and always ruminating on the spell or the people or things it’s cast on, you’re sick with lust for results. You need to stop that because it slows manifestation or can kill it entirely. 

*You work against your own spellwork. 

Imagine you want a specific position in your company, and they are hiring for the position. You apply. Then you start acting horribly towards everyone within your current position, show up for work infrequently, and get drunk at work. Think you will get hired? Of course not. What if you did a spell and did all that? Of course not. Not even with a spell. 

Imagine you and your partner have been arguing. You don’t want to break up with them so you argue more, have several crazy emotional outbursts, ruin their car, and call one of their parents to tell them your partner is an alcoholic and a slut. Think they won’t break things up? They will! Yes, even if you did a spell!

And mental illness does not get you a free ticket out of being held responsible either. In fact, if you come to me and say you were quite sorry for what you did and want it to be better, those spells still won’t work because it’s like you stomping on an ant and telling me you are sorry you stomped on it and expecting the ant to become whole and reanimate for saying so. 

So work with your spellwork, not against it. It’s quite fragile in the formative stages and if it’s injurious to even obsess about, outright taking an opposing action towards it is clearly a bad thing. 

*You don’t know apologies are for the one giving the apology, and you don’t realize begging isn’t going to win you anything in 99.9999% of situations. 

This is basically for reconciliation situations but, for fuck’s sake, stop trying to win anyone back begging and apologizing. You’ll just push them farther away. If they broke up with you, stop calling and texting and messaging them past the necessary (like needing possessions back,) and even in those cases make sure it’s needed, not just like a pair of socks or a hair brush. 

A break up, at the very least, I’d a demand for space so give that person space. Do not invade their space with your emotional begging, and discussions, and demands. That’s disrespectful and selfish in their eyes and will only make you even farther from ever coming back into their life. 

And stop the martyr for love act. If you look miserable and sick and crazy, that will chase this person farther away too. 

And the honorable mention? Every person you inform about active spellwork can impact it if it’s not manifested so keep your unmanifested spells to yourself (or among less than three people who aren’t chatty.) Plus never ever tell anyone anything unless you’re prepared for the whole world to know anyhow. 

That's it for today!

~Cat

Cat Rants about the State of Things

Hello Occulties, 

Not sure if you knew this, but I have this nifty business site and on this site there are all these instructions and rules and guidelines where you can answer such nifty questions like “how do I pay you?” Which will in turn tell you about all the pay processors I accept; or perhaps “how much contact is too much?” Which will tell you things like if you’re having really very little or nothing during the manifestation phase this week, maybe one or two emails starting a new conversation thread at most. Apparently, a large portion of people I currently work for missed that, so I’m going to tell you a few things that apply to a great big portion of spellcasters like:

Stop asking us how the spell went almost immediately - we all hate it, and if you are to get an update afterwards it is generally told to you that you will prior to your paying your worker and before starting your work or right before they begin, and to wait for that persons update if they do offer an update after the casting. Asking us this question is NOT about being so curious as to how the spell went as it is to check we didn’t run off on you. I’ve literally had people ask me this 30 minutes after I’d told them I would be starting their work, and I wasn’t close to finishing. It also is a huge headache to answer my stock answer which is “everything went fine on my end,” out of order in my email queue so I don’t have these overly anxious types try to stupidly attempt a chargeback for daring not reply to them within 6 hours, and it tells me very clearly I’ve got someone who is almost definitely going to suffer from lust for results as well. And as I’ve said countless times, I really don’t send a discussion of the service for having learned very quickly that it causes more anxiety than when I don’t. I focus on the client’s well being and situation which tends to keep them on course and not fixated on anything from a typo in my report (this happened more than once,) to an insignificant detail thereof (none was ever significant,) to just a full blown panic attack over the entire thing. In fact, repeat clients get more details out of me as I can assess who will have a meltdown over a candle making a sputtery noise when that’s physics from a bubble in the candle to who will be excited and thrilled by a candle literally exploding (yep, exploding) during their service. Obviously if I had any problems, I do inform the client immediately but 4 out of 5 times just going over what is a daily and not often thrilling experience for me such as love spell work is going to make the anxious and overthinking and emotionally overwrought just more anxious. That’s bad for spellwork, so I focus on the client. Other people have other practices. But I do know we all hate the internet equivalent of peering over our shoulders going “how’d it go?” Next time just say you don’t trust us and you’re just checking up on us. The honesty will be refreshing. 😂

Step sending frequent screenshots of convos - instead summarize the conversation and send screenshots when asked (or just rarely.) Nine times out if ten you can cut fat and disk space usage by just telling us a brief summary and it’s just as effective. You don’t know how annoying that is until you read a forty page conversation to learn your client’s target was unsure about some decision and relented (or didn’t relent) at least 5 times a week. 

Stop using your worker as your free therapist (or at least your grossly underpaid therapist.) I have had people literally expect me to act as an on demand therapist and cheerleader for what comes out to pennies per hour as a paycheck by the time they have manifestation, and I know several workers in the same boat. When you try to gently remind the client you have lots of clients and this isn’t your job they either don’t stop doing it or attack you so…it can be lose/lose.

And READ THE SITE of your worker before demanding refunds or acting in such a manner that you’d be kicked out of a physical business. You’d be surprised how many workers actually have very helpful information on their sites to prevent misunderstandings and to navigate the manifestation process easily. That’s why we spend so much time writing those pages for you. 

A great client reads the site, doesn’t expect you to be on call for every thought that they have 24/7, and has faith in the work and in the worker. Remember, having a bad experience with someone else does not entitle you to treat the person you work with now like garbage. If that were the case, I’d be the most miserable and awful human alive to deal with because I’ve worked for some real nightmare clients! 😜 However most people I work for are genuinely good people who I love working for, which is why I’ve worked for others for about 20 years at this writing. 

NEXT UP: My availability for readings is low. If you do not need a reading, please wait a week or so. It normally dies down when the first rolls around each month and I should have next day availability again shortly.

AND LASTLY, I really despise people discussing me when I’m not present. While I understand some of you are all currently coming from the same spot (and one which is unfortunately a source of the worst, most difficult clients I’ve had in the last five years as they are often grossly misinformed about spellcasting, what is “standard” for spellcasters to offer and prices, and about acceptable behavior and expectations for clients,) please keep in mind that discussing your active spellwork with others invites them to also have lust for results which can slow your manifestation speed, so please be judicious with the number of people you share with until your work manifests.

Fun article coming! 

~Cat

Questions You’ve Asked Me: August 2023 edition

Q: What is a good all-purpose type working to draw in positivity? I feel l am stuck in a rut, lately!

A: Roadopening is the best answer to many problems in cases such as these. I’ve shared a recipe for the oil here, and it’s a very easy formula to use. It can even be added to many spells to break down obstacles to the spell manifesting. Just add a few drops to the other oils being used in candle work for example.

Q: I broke up with my ex a month ago and have called them 100 times a day each day since we broke up (additionally I made fake accounts to spy on them and contact them through,) and even though they blocked me and avoid me, I am certain magic will help me. What should I do? 

A: Sadly, I get basically this exact scenario in my inbox at least once a week. Apparently multiple people feel doing the internet equivalent of chasing your ex down the street while wielding an axe to be totally normal and not scary at all. 

It’s very off-putting and even scary to some so trust me when I say you mustn’t do that if you want to get the person back. It won’t win them back and will, in fact, chase them much farther away than just breaking up did. 

The reality is the chances of getting this person back with any rapidity if you’ve engaged in this behavior are next to 0. That’s not even the worst news. The reality is if you’ve engaged in this type of behavior there’s a very low chance you could reconcile them at all though your chances of doing so rise more with each passing month you are not chasing them or stalking them. Which means while you may possibly reconcile them and bring them back, it’s usually going to be at the best about 5-6 weeks to get them back and more likely it will take months if you can succeed in so doing, during which time you cannot stalk them or lurk on their social media or try to make contact… a nearly impossible feat for the people who ask this question. Furthermore you need to avoid lust for results which is also nearly impossible for many people who have engaged in the above behaviors. 

But realize had you never chased this person very relentlessly, you would not be facing this problem, so continuing on like that will only make things worse. Use the time needed to let them calm and recover from this unwanted pursuit to work on yourself and your own mental well being. 

You will want to use reconciliation, love drawing and obsession (intranquility) working at a relatively frequent (at least once per month,) rate for success. I also recommend at least 30 days with no social media to help curb your own obsessive behavior. 

Q: Spellcasters are fake if they ever have any problems in their own lives, right? 

A: As much as real doctors never get sick or die, real lawyers never get in legal trouble, real psychiatrists never have mental health crisises, dentists never need dental work, mechanics cars never need repair, etc etc. The reality is that everyone has problems, and many people entered their field because they experienced problems and were looking for solutions to those problems. I assure you, if a spellcaster tells you that he or she has never experienced any problems, that is far more suspect. 

Sadly this question was brought to you by the Reddit comedy hour in which the group who claims I’m ranting like a narcissist to call them out claimed I can’t be real having had an argument with my husband 2 months ago. Oh and that he’s my boyfriend which is odd since no one I’ve worked for since I was on Reddit ever would have referred to him as so…meaning that it’s probably the girl who stalked him last year and tried to break us up who posted that and she was never a client so she’s not a good judge of how I run my business. Special thanks to those of you keeping me updated there as I get a laugh each time. I know all the culprits and several are the same girl who got fired around Xmas last year for breaking every rule of my business site. 

But that aside neither spell failure nor having problems in one’s life are the sign of a fake spellcaster. Fake spellcasters tend to require understanding spell work (at least one kind though multiple kinds is better) to identify where the person making false claims is clearly false. It’s difficult since people base “fake spellcaster” lists on either one bad review (I’ve worked for at least 5000 people in 20 years and probably more, even 100 bad reviews would mean nothing - that would be like a 2% dissatisfaction rate!) or make them to flatter their friends or themselves, and randomly choose victims for the fake list. Without knowing anything about spellcasting yourself, you really can’t be a great judge. Your best defense it to learn a bit about spellcasting yourself in order to see what tends to come off as painfully obvious falsehoods to the experienced caster. 

Q: I can’t leave an altar out due to cohabitation issues - what can I do?

A: Depending on your situation, you might make a movable altar set up, or you might try casting spells outside. I prefer the movable set up but if you’re literally never able to be alone in a room of your home for even an hour, outside in a secluded spot is your best bet. 

Q: I’ve been having severe money issues! The cost of living is crazy and has skyrocketed over the last year. I cast spell after spell but I’m still struggling! Are my spells failing? 

A: Assuming you’re not asking for anything well outside your sphere of availability, most likely the answer is you’re doing nothing wrong…we are just in a really shitty economy. When I met first Mr. NinjaCat almost twenty years ago, his hourly rate was very similar to what it is today - within five dollars I’d say. Think about that. The cost of living is nowhere near what it was 20 years ago! I used to be able to get a fair amount of groceries for $40 and now even stretching $40 I get maybe a third to a quarter of what I once could. I’m the last 3 years my rents have more than doubled from their original amount. Electricity prices have skyrocketed. Fuel prices are very high. People often don’t realize just how rural many parts of the United States are. 

The problem isn’t your magic as much as the sphere of availability for most of us is not matching the cost of living. Unless you are in a very high pay grade, you are probably struggling right now. You might actually work towards using spells to get certain benefits like food stamps (I know, no one wants to be in assistance but realistically it could help you financially,) or to try using magic to bring yourself more affordable housing or a better mortgage rate. Don’t focus just on what’s coming in but what’s going out as well. If you’re paying less for the things you need, you’re also keeping more money. 

***

Alright that’s it for now on Questions You’ve Asked Me. Keep the questions coming!

~Cat

Spell for Employment

Hi Occulties, 

Now that my apparently flabby ass that’s grotesque in every way (Mr NinjaCat doesn’t always want to use the bathroom right after me for sure,) has been dragged clean thanks to the Reddit Society for Discussing Cat’s Ass (see previous post) and is also far more shapely (failed bullying target workout is apparently the bees knees,) I can satisfy my normal readers with a good old post. No worries though, apparently Reddit stalker group is the comedy gift that keeps on giving so trust and know they will be back to give us a few laughs. 

But this is an occult blog, not a comedy show for keyboard warrior bullies who’d shit themselves before saying any of that to my face. So let’s on with it. 

Today I’d like to discuss an employment working as a lot of you have been writing in asking me about this type of work. Now before we begin let’s remember you want to keep this within your sphere of availability. So, for example, having no background in engineering, nor any degrees therein, and being pretty clumsy with math, I’d make a terrible engineer and I likely could not be hired for a job in that field with my lack of education, degrees, and experience in that field. Using a spell won’t change that. So this has to be a job you are qualified for and a pay rate that also is normal for that job. You won’t be making $500/hr at a job where the normal salary is $25/hr. 

So prior to starting this working, determine the following either by asking yourself or your petitioner: name of job (examples like heart surgeon, or environmental lawyer, or exotic dancer, or plumber, or foreman of concrete, ceo of soft drink company, etc,) and if applicable also the name of the business you or your petitioner desires to work at (you do not need to have a chosen business to work for and in fact will get more opportunities by omitting a specific business,) a desired salary range, and, again if applicable, a specific geographical area of you or your petitioner do not wish to move to work or if you very much wish to move to a specific area. Let’s say Mr NinjaCat wished all his life to live next to the Great Lakes. We might then say anything in the Great Lakes area for an employment spell for him. 

Since this is such an easy spell to do, get excited, because even the kids talking about my ass in my previous post could do this one. 

while I’m not big on lunar transits, for those who are this is best done on a Thursday in the first quarter of the moon. 

You will need:
An image of yourself or the petitioner,
A pen or marker with PURPLE ink, 
Crown of Success oil, 
Employment or Job-Getting oil, 
Five bay leaves 
Five purple offertory or chime sized candles, 
Brown sugar, 
Real maple syrup, 
A small jar with metal lid

Now as many people request jar spells this is made just for you if you are a jar spell fan. The altar set up is going to annoy a few people so bear with me ha ha. First, using the purple-inked marker, write what you or your petitioner have as a list for requirements for the desired job over the image. You want to write this specifically so it goes over the image of the person. It may also overlap with the background of the image. While you write these specifications try to keep an image of you or your petitioner in your mind’s eye, happily employed at the desired job. Now place this into your jar, and add maple syrup and some brown sugar as well, and a few drops of each oil, almost, but not entirely, filling the jar.

Next, using your purple inked pen or marker, write the full name of the petitioner (or yourself) on the backside of each bay leaf, and then write the name of the desired job position on the front side.  Place your capped jar in the center of your altar, and these in a five point star (point up) position around your jar.

Now anoint each candle with your oils, anointing up (base to wick) with seven strokes or pulls of your hand, trying to envision you of your target being employed at the desired job as you do so. Optional but not required: I also like to say “(Name if target,) is the (name of desired position) at (name of company)” or “(Name of target) is happily employed as (name of position,)” (whichever is more suitable) with each stroke of my hand to anoint these candles, but it’s not necessary for success. 

Now place one candle in each of the four positions of the compass on your altar (north, east, south, west.) Using the brown sugar, create a line from each candle to the jar. Place a candle on top of your jar as well. This will look a bit like an X with your jar in the center.

Now starting at north, light each candle in a clockwise position, (so start with north, then east, south, and west,) and as you light each you will speak to each compass point, so as I light the northern candle I say “Spirits of the North, I call on you to draw (name of position and description,) to (name of petitioner,) and ask you to heed my request,” and this negligibly changes with the eastern candle by requesting the same exact request of the Spirits of the East, then the Spirits of the South, and finally the spirits of the West. Now light the candle on top of the jar and say, “(Name of petitioner) I illuminate your whole being and draw to you (description of job,) this very moment, this very hour, and supported by the spirits of” (point north) “the north,” (point east,) “the east,” (point south) “the south” (point west) “and the west, you are blessed with that which you seek, - as is my will, so be it!” 

Allow the candles to burn out. Once they have done so, place the sugar and bay leaves inside your jar and seal it. Burning a purple candle anointed with the listed oils on top of the jar once every Thursday will strengthen the spell. When the petitioner or yourself has acquired the job, you may throw out the jar or save it for later use if you’d like a new job. 

Im sure there will be some questions, so please ask!

~Cat

This spell is copyright OriginalNinjaCat and cannot be shared without permission. I offer a reward for catching plagiarists.