Instant Classic - From The Email-box

Hello Occulties,

Its not that I posted the article prior to this without some idea that it might offend people. As I'm sure all of us know, people are offended by bodily functions. This is why we are taught to supress farts and burps in public, and to do our eliminatings of waste in a private manner. Indeed, I knew some people would say "how awful that woman is," or as some moe-moes who think I didn't know they were talking about me on a message board might say "The redhead who does not like to be named really was taking too much space up discussing the use of a naughty item in spellwork."

However, color me surprised to get this cherry of an email. The author (who will not be named, just like the redhead writing this article for ya,) is in italics, and my replies are in the regular type.

Dear disgusting bitch,

Oh, please, call me Cat. :)

You know I've put up with alot [sic] of having to deal with your gross talk of body fluids because you have some good informasion [sic] on your site.

Yes, I imagine the discussion of things like penises and vaginas and genital secretions is difficult on most people, thus why porn is so unpopular...still, thank you for soldiering on, just to do ME the favor of reading my site.

Today I was so grossed out by what you had to say. You talked about things which obviously exite [sic] you alot. [sic] I bet you are a fecal freak because only someone who is exited by feces as much as you are would write something like that.

I can't say that those things are exiting me more than once a day or so, so I'm not sure if that defines that feces exits me a lot...according to my doctor, I should have it exit me about once a day on average. Still, thinking back on times when I did have it exit me a lot (a particular memory post-consumption of habenero jack cheese reminds me of a very bad 15 minutes of my life,) I was actually less encouraged to write anything at that moment than perhaps in any time of my life. I'm afraid I'll have to disagree with you on that point.

Maybe there is some historical backround [sic] to this sort of thing, but no one wants to hear it or know! I am never going to read your blog agian! [sic] You made me throw up!

Yeah...that warning in the title didn't give you enough information to make the decision not to read the article, huh? And um, actually obviously SOMEONE wanted to read about it, because as I detailed in the first paragraph, it was a request made by a reader to write that article ...a challenge to be more accurate.

However, since your NEVER GONNA READ MY BLOG AGAIN, I guess you will never know that I answered your complaint, and that I let you know just how deeply I'm concerned by you taking offense at me discussing a topic you feel is distateful. Goodness forbid I offend your delicate sensibilities.

Love,

~Cat

Comments

[Olivia]

Wow...just wow. Is it a requirement that every ranting email look as if it were written by a blind monkey who was given a keyboard to play with? I'm sorry but if you can't spell simple words like "excite" or "background", someone talking about poo on a blog should really be the least of your worries. I'm surprised the poor thing can even read to begin with! Come to think of it, that's probably why they're so mad - all the big words (aside from poo) confused them and made them mad. Dumb it down, Cat. :)

[Cat]

You know, frankly, I'm shocked anyone can spell. People write emails to "Kat" all of the time, whoever that lady is. ;) I mean, for goodness sake, I write my name on each post!

I'm sort of feeling the three-peanuts-of-love probably sent this one into a fit which caused horrible spelling errors to plague their hatemail to me. :)

Or maybe it was just the horror of me saying poo. Who knows? ;)

Either way, in this case, the misspellings were so fun, that I just couldn't help myself but to post it. Certainly I do get questions, fan mail, suggestions, criticisms, weird mails, stalker mails, and even the occaisional hate mail from people who, were I to post it, would just be sort of boring, and, if negative, perhaps midly offensive, but would not make my readers say "Was this person dropped on their head several times as a small child?" That's why when I saw this beauty, and realized "I could post this for everyone," that was an oppotunity I couldn't pass this up! :)

I mean, how can you not be exited by this informasion? Information exits me occaisionally, generally if I've had too much to drink.

Sorry, sorry...I'll stop. ;)

[Joanna H.]

I think its funny someone interrupted their day to write a defaming letter to you....because of poop. I for one, found it quite comical. I'm 29, but guess what? Poop is still funny!

[J]

Some people are just frankly idiots... You specifically mentioned that your post was not for the "sensitive of stomach" and this person continued to read at their own risk and peril... and then insult you for posting what I found to be a very informative article - Sorry that you have to deal with people like this Cat! They stink! (No pun intended :-)

[Lightstorm]

OMG...that is beyond classic. She (he?) sounds like one of the caricatures you sometimes run across in a Stephen King novel - you know, the ones who always talk in a backwoods drawl...and scream about how a "FALSE PROFIT will Burn in HELL for all eternitey..."(I think that's from the Dead Zone, lol).