Hey there, Occulties,
So, I'm sure I've written this article before (almost 15 years of blogging means I most likely have, haha,) but seeing as there are actually people out there who believe the customer is always right (which, no, they aren't,) some of these might enlighten you to what people in my profession deal with. ;) While MOST of these are mine, a few are stories I had from friends, and I can only say I am taking their word for it that this actually happened. I've made sure not to put any names or identifying info in the article. I would stress that 99.9% of the people I have worked for over the years are wonderful, kind, patient people, and don't have odd requests or act anything like these people did.
BIOLOGICAL REMAINS-
While I'm sure it surprises no one, here and there, people can offer a bit of a target's DNA to work on, and while I accept certain items, for obvious health reasons, I could not and would not accept others.
When I was starting out, I woman contacted me and asked if I could assist in a pretty basic reconciliation case. After a day or two of emailing back and forth, she says do I accept biological items, and I of course said, it's possible, but not always, just tell me what she has. She goes on to tell me that she has a jar of the target's pee. I tell her I can't accept a jar of urine and that I am not even certain that the US Postal Service allows someone to mail urine if I could. I didn't want to embarrass her, so I was polite and to the point and basically said just that. Not to be denied, she spent the next 2-3 days trying to convince me to receive a jar of urine and how it was perfectly safe and acceptable, - which would be weird just on its own. Since I was obviously getting sick of her repeated attempts to mail me a jar of pee, I asked her "How did you get his urine, anyhow?" She immediately stopped emailing me, never replying to my question. I never heard from her again.
Some years later a young lady asked me if I could accept semen she'd collected from her target, and said the last time that they had relations, she had tied off the condom they had used, and thrown it in a sock drawer. This was almost 2 months previous that the sexual escapade had taken place to her contacting me, which she had also told me. I told her I could definitely not accept that, and that she should probably locate the item in the drawer as fast as possible and dispose of it, as it was without a doubt going to be rancid. About a day later, she contacted me to let me know that the condom had burst when she went to throw it out, and she ruined several items of clothing (or she just threw them out,) from the horrifying stink of the contents that flowed out of it into the drawer.
A male peer of mine was asked if he could use soiled drawers in a love working. Generally speaking, this means someone WORE the underpants and they have not been washed. Expecting this is what the person meant, he said sure this is fine. About a week later he gets the package and opens it up. Whoever's target this was had apparently had a massive shart in these underpants, and to call them soiled was an understatement. Someone shit their pants, the client collected the shitty underpants, and mailed this to him in a plastic zip bag. Apparently when he opened the bag (because they were folded just right to hide the big brown marks,) he had to throw up from the smell.
ANTI-FANS-
Many many years ago I had someone came to me who was in love with a target who was obviously gay and could not return her affections. Unfortunately, their culture was such that it was very taboo to be gay, (and it was literally almost 15 years ago so all cultures were less-accepting at the time), that the gentleman in question was not going to outright come out of the closet, at least at this time. In the interest of discretion, let's just say if I outlined everything about this gentleman, including bits and blotches of his personal life, no one would question it. She, however, was convinced that he was just very naive and shy around women, and nothing I could say could move her on this point. So I said, "Let's do a reading." I do a reading, and surprise, surprise, the guy is showing up as a man who is romantically and sexually interested in men. She tells me I'm full of shit. If you think that this was a day or two of my life, for 3 weeks (most of it unpaid,) for hours a day, I am dealing with a person trying to get me to do a love spell on a guy who will never return her affections and my refusing to do this work - this is one of the very reasons keeping me in a long consultation costs money now, if you're curious, - so finally, stupid me being still in my 20's out of frustration, I say "Hey, he's gay, but if you want me to try, I give it like a 2% chance of ever happening, but I will try, but only if you promise me that when it doesn't work, that I did nothing wrong and warned you it wouldn't work." She sends me like 15 emails assuring me that is all she asks, that I try, and if it doesn't work, she will give up. I had a bad feeling about it but I did the work, and of course he became friendlier in a platonic sense, but no chemistry could be between them and the romance never came to be. But wait on that, because there is more, - so meanwhile, she contracts me to do a job spell for her to get a receptionist job at a doctor's office. I say "Would you like me to do this so it is 'this job or something better,' meaning if there is a better-paying job that is a better fit for her, that a different job would come to her, and she of course says yes to it and I do the work. Within 10 days she gets a job as a secretary for a car dealership that pays almost twice as much as the doctor-office job, and is closer to her home. So, meanwhile the love working is not working, and now perhaps 6 weeks have passed since I did the work, and the dude she is so enamored of who is, again, very gay, basically tells her it will never happen. She reacts by telling me off, and not just once, but 3-4 times a day for a week, telling me I also didn't get her a job (I had emails with her thanking me for the better job,) because it wasn't the one she asked for. But it gets better. So, perhaps 2 years later, she contacts me to tell me that my spell MADE HER TARGET GAY. I can't make people gay or straight. I told her as much from the outset. When I tell her this, and try to be pleasant, she goes on to start a yahoo email group about what a bitch I am, where they literally found my eBay account, and were discussing things I bought which were visible in the reviews. I was ignorant to this for a time, because I guess I naively believed that people don't do things that creepy, but within a short time of her starting this group, a member of her group contacts me and says "Well, you can't be a real spellcaster because it's obvious that you use the profits to buy yourself things on eBay, like a pair of winter boots, and a brassiere, and stuff." I replied saying that like most people, that I DID use the profits of my earnings to purchase necessities, and pay bills, which is what most people do with the profits from their business. When I explained this, and didn't deny that, yes, I do use the profits of my earnings to pay for things I need, and that it was creepy and stalkerish that all of them were watching my eBay account to see what I would buy (again, all needed items, as eBay was a lot more like Amazon at the time,) but that I was not ashamed to use my earnings as I saw fit, he immediately relented, seeing the error of his ways, and apologized to me. Like it never occurred to him that I have needs outside of spellcasting supplies or something. Apparently the group fell apart a few weeks later, or an ex member told me, and she was also ashamed. But it doesn't end there. This woman then went on to contact another occultist I personally knew at the time, and ask him to do a death spell on me. When his wife answered, she apparently put the phone on speaker and muted their side, and they were almost dying laughing because she claimed I made her beloved gay (which they both knew was impossible,) got her a better paying job at an auto dealership than the doctor office job she wanted, and ruined her group about me by telling people it was OK for me to spend my earnings on bills and things I needed for myself which her group members agreed and she was embarrassed by this, so I had to die. Like she never denied that I was actually right at any time, and this entire conversation was an hour out of his day, where basically someone was telling him how nuts they were and I should die for being right. Needless to say, he didn't accept any money to do a death curse on me, but he and his wife thanked me for the free entertainment.
Around the same time, a woman contacted me with some basic questions about a particular type of spellwork. Since it wasn't my specialty, I referred her to a peer, and since no work was contracted, I forgot all about it. She apparently contacted him, asked a few questions, and didn't make a purchase, so he also forgot all about it. 3 months later, she writes under a pseudonym (but using the same email) about how she was a real practitioner of (name of spellcraft,) and that the spirits were going to come for me. She wrote him the same thing, and hilariously, we were on the phone discussing a matter entirely outside of spells and the occult when we both receive these emails so we both were like "huh?" He scans his email and finds her original questions, and says, "Oh, this is (client name,) but she changed the name on the email." We both realize neither of us had been hired by this person who is sending long fantasies about being the Queen of (name of spellcraft,) which he specializes in. He replies asking her a few basic questions that one would have to answer or not be part of this religion basically, because it's necessary to tell someone that info, as well as a few basic questions on practice, all of which she could not answer. Meanwhile, I did a reverse search on the email and mailed her the info to her home address, saying if she's so powerful, can her spirits do the same to give me my address. After about a half an hour, she capitulates, says she made the whole thing up about being a Master of (name of spellcraft,) but had thought about it for 3 months and decided HE is wrong for asking for money for a reading (which she never bought,) and thought to teach us a lesson. Mind you, my entire involvement up to this was "Oh, you're interested in (name of spellcraft)? That's not my area of expertise, but I can refer you to a peer who is a priest in that paradigm."
"IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT THAT I DID THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT YOU TOLD ME TO!"-
Many years ago, against my better judgement, I took on a case where the person involved was obviously dealing with an ex that they had chased off pretty badly. While I had a bad feeling about it (which, I'm stupid to not trust my own intuition, as I get paid to use it,) she seemed so nice and sincere, and said she'd long since calmed down, and was not up to those antics anymore. So I said "Look, if I take this on, you can't call (target's name,) can't contact him, you can't show up where he works, you can't be driving by his home or anything like that, agreed?" Of course, she says she would not think of it, and that I am so right, it would be counter-productive to do such a thing. She practically swore on the Bible that she would not contact this guy, and would leave him alone. Then I tell her, "OK, but you really did give him a scare, so this isn't really a prime case to take on. I give it only a 50% chance at best of working." She says, OK, that is FINE, because that is the best she's heard all day. I do the work, and maybe 10 days later, miracle upon miracles, the guy contacts her, and says what a lot of reconciliation targets who have been terrified by a client say on a first contact...that he's sorry things got so bad but he's not ready for a romantic reconciliation just yet. He's thought about it and would like it if he knew they were at least on friendly terms but it's not an invitation to get back together. She contacts me, rather put out, and I explain this is the first step and it is good news, actually. That she should continue to be calm and cool and collected, and reply that she is happy that he wants to be friends. Instead of taking my advice, she calls him for the next week, several times a day, crying and threatening self-harm if he won't just consider coming back until he calls the police. She also drove by his house several times. She also walked up to his door and pounded on it several times until he appeared. Needless to say, the reconciliation didn't happen because she fucking terrified the guy by acting crazy. Sadly, this does happen where people lose control but this was one of perhaps 10 instances where someone went completely batshit to this level. Finally, she tells me well, I tried my hardest, but it didn't gel for her, and she's not going to hold it against me. OK, great. About 2-3 years later, she writes me a threatening sounding email where she says she's started a site all about people who failed her, and I am one of the people mentioned. I very calmly said "I didn't fail you, - you did the exact opposite of what I told you to do, and I have an email right here with you saying that the reason he wouldn't come back to you is that you flipped out, and that he wasn't even on speaking terms with you before I did any work on him, and I at least had him reaching out before you destroyed the whole working with your behavior." She agrees that she ruined everything, but says she doesn't care and I'm a bitch for even trying to help her. Then she immediately blocked me and I never heard from her again.
Someone had asked me for a particular working to increase business, and when I'd given them instruction (I didn't even do the work, I literally helped them do this for free,) the person went and purchased the items, and thanked me for help. About a month later they said "Well, I don't think it worked, because business is still lagging." I must have been having one of those months where I can crochet an entire blanket because it's quiet, because I went through everything step by step, and the person admits they did not do the one step I told them was really hugely important. So they claim they will try again, and start with performing this hugely-important step, and 2 months later, tell me the business went belly up. I asked them if they ever performed that one hugely-important step, that I'd stressed was necessary, and this person says, "No, but realize that it is your fault for giving me bad instructions and that step doesn't matter." I literally had said nothing else was apt to work until that one part was performed, but I am "At fault" because they were too lazy to do it. ;)
While I could tell many, many, many, many other horror stories, people always ask, so I figured these would be educational. ;)
Spellcasting article coming up soon!
~Cat
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