Hey Occulties
So, a lot of my requests revolve around getting that ex back, as you may have guessed. Let's assume you've done your spellwork, and now you're waiting for sexy-ex-y to return. You get a few tentative texts messages all of the sudden. Is the ex just trying to get back some possessions left in your care? I mean 3 months of silence and now they are oh-so-conveniently texting you now after you cast a spell on them? Hmmmm....
YAY! This is AMAZING GOOD NEWS! It looks like manifestation is on it's way! So as an educational exercise, we're going to play WHO WANTS TO GET BACK TOGETHER WITH THEIR EX!?
So, let's say this person is texting - what's your next move?
Person 1: "I'm going to respond pleasantly, not bring up the past, and not try to push any romantic agenda. I will wait for them to bring up our relationship if we are to discuss it. I'm hopeful but not investing everything in a few texts."
Person 2: "I'm going to ask to see them in person!"
Person 3: "I'm going to ask them if they are seeing anyone right now, and then, depending on their answer, I will ask to see them again, or I will collapse into a heap of tears when they say they went on a single date!"
Person 4: "I'm not going to respond. I'm kind of hurt this isn't about missing me."
Person 5: "I already told them I still love them and want them, and I think I'm blocked now."
Who proceeds to the next round? Well this time it looks like everyone but Person 5 does, because, within reason, the first 4 people are still more or less working with their spellwork. Sorry Person 5, being too much and smothering the person was what you did, and so I'm afraid you can't play round 2.
ROUND TWO:
So, after these texts about getting the possessions back, the ex (even with Person 4 not replying) the ex says something sweet like that they miss you and are thinking about you, and they hope you are good. Person 3 is lucky because the ex in our example did not report dating anyone and was clearly interested in a reunion so that didn't totally blow it. So, from here, you agree to meet up. When you see your ex, what's your next move?
Person 1: "I am cautious about their intentions, and I do not push for anything romantic or sexual. I let them know that I am tentatively interested in possibly getting back together. I try to keep the interaction fun and enjoyable. I do not bring up the past. It's a fun date, and I am starting to feel like all that bad stuff we went through is something we are healing from."
Person 2: "The moment they make a sexual comment, I just jump at it and we end up having crazy sex! Wow! This is so passionate! I'm so in love. Sure, they didn't say we were getting back together, but with that sort of lovemaking, they must want to!"
Person 3: "I am very sure to make sure they have not been with anyone else. I grill them on the matter. I then tell them when satisfied they have let no one touch them in my absence that it's good they did not or else I could not stay with them. When they bring up that I was pretty controlling and emotional during our relationship and it was difficult for them, I am offended and tell them that they are difficult and hard to get on with too. It was kind of a bad experience. They didn't seem flirty, just hurt."
Person 4: "I'm sullen and withdrawn. We see each other, but they aren't making any big displays of love so I'm assuming the spellwork didn't work."
Who proceeds to the next round? Surprisingly all four could, but you're right to think 3 and 4 are kind of screwing themselves, and 2 is not doing themselves any favor by not being sure that they aren't just having casual sex with an ex. So let's just say all four made it to round three, shall we?
ROUND THREE:
Now in round three, the ex is communicating with the petitioner, and clearly trying to be pleasant and kind, and even flirty. The petitioners are all feeling pretty good that this is going in the right direction and agree to another date. During this date, the ex brings up that they maybe DID go out on a few dates but nothing serious happened and it was months ago. How do our petitioner's respond?
Person 1: "I realize I do not own my ex. I'm not overjoyed by this revelation, but I don't let it affect my behavior towards them, or upset me. We were apart for three months. Realistically, they would have seen other people. It had nothing to do with me, and was just them being human and looking for companionship."
Person 2: "I die inside a bit. I ask them if those people mattered at all to them. My ex assures me that no not at all. I can taste my pain at the thought that my magical penis/vagina/other could not hold their attention in my three month absence well enough for them to not forget that other genitals exist! But I try not to let them know, even though I am sure the pain is present on my face."
Person 3: "I freak out. I totally freak out. How dare they! I scream about them being a disgusting cheating lying piece of shit! I don't want ANYONE who could EVER touch ANYONE BUT ME after having me."
Person 4: I find myself hurt but I can understand it's been three months, so that they would have likely dated others. What I don't understand is how is my spellwork working if they can even admit this like it won't hurt?"
Person 3 does not make it to round four. Too crazy, too possessive, and their ex walks off deciding that they do not want to deal with that dumpster fire of possessive behavior. They do not get their ex back. :(
ROUND FOUR:
Things are definitely positive but your ex still hasn't asked if you want to get back together. You're sick of being in limbo - is this a reconciliation or not? Sure, you're communicating daily, there's flirting, but you feel stuck and that it's not moving PAST THAT POINT. You want to know you're back together. What do you do?
Person 1: "I wait for a time when we are having a great conversation, - laughing, being friends, and I say 'I really miss being your girlfriend/boyfriend/partner/etc.' and wait for their response to that."
Person 2: "I tell them that I love them, and I really want to be sure we are back together after I have sex with them! If they look shocked when I say that, I start weeping and asking if they used me! When they try to reassure me but don't agree we are an item (or clarify that to me either way), I cry more!"
Person 4: "I say nothing. Clearly the spell isn't working."
Well, sorry person 2...you've finally gotten cut. While optimistic and upbeat, you're being overwhelming and pushy in your own way. You offered the sex without commitment, and now your ex doesn't know if they want just the sex, and not commitment. Your tears and emotional outburst have ended your tenure. :(
On to the final round...
ROUND FIVE:
Your ex says "Well, I'd like to get back together with you, but I still have (doubts of a specific nature,) and I'm upset by (criticisms which reflect on the petitioner,) just so you know." How do you respond.
Person 1: "I listen with an open mind and try to see their perspective. I try not to take offense even if I feel the criticisms are unfair. I also use this opportunity to speak in a non-accusatory manner about my fears and doubts regarding getting back together."
Person 4: "I thought for a minute this spellwork worked! How DARE they have any doubt or criticize me! I finally tell them I clearly got my hopes up for nothing! Spells don't work AND my ex was just playing me. How convenient!"
Guess who's the last one standing? Yeah, Person 1. Person 1 gets their ex back, they also have a healthier relationship. They have shown respectfulness and understanding, and can expect to enjoy a happier and more functional pairing than ever before. Person 4 blew it by decided the only way the spell is working is if they are blameless and the person is all over them like white on rice. That pessimistic sullenness eventually just makes them destroy the outcome.
Now....what have we learned from this? That even with spellwork, you have work to do. You can't be rude, you can't be scary, and you can't be a basketcase. You need to understand that reconciliation will still require you to act appropriately, and be careful when trying to get back together with this person. So, don't give yourself to them without knowing they are yours. Don't boss and criticize them. Have an open mind, and keep the conversations constructive.
This is why I tell you reconciliation can be hard work, as can love drawing work...because you need to have self-control and faith in the work too. That's a tall order for some people! I mean, in the above example, if person 4 was just slightly less pessimistic, they would have had all that they wanted, too...and hell, under better circumstances, Person 2 would be back together with their ex, too, but was, in this post intentionally put into a reconciliation scenario which required more caution for them to succeed (so you could learn.) This is a very STANDARD reconciliation scenario. It's neither the most difficult, nor the most easy manifestation, but an "average" process thereof which I have put together for you through years of doing reconciliation work.
I want you to get back to good with your ex - but some of it will rely on you also taking the best steps to get there. If you need any advice on it, please let me know, because that's why I am here. Sometimes it's hard to know your next steps because you're so excited it's happening, or even a little sad it's not happening how you expected or is slower than expected. It's OK to have some doubt, but using caution and having some understanding should help you navigate the process just a bit easier!
~Cat
EDITED TO ADD: A few people have asked "Does Person 1 even really exist!?" And as an actual person, all five were made up, so no, there is no particular identity of any. BUT, yes, plenty of people are very Person 1-ish...That said, you might be Person 1 in the first round, and turn into person 4 for a round, become person 2 in another, etc. It's perfectly normal and not necessarily even detrimental to be a, say, Person 4 in the first two rounds or something. It's OK. It happens. :)
Comments