Good Morning Occulties,
All too often, someone will come to me, and, obviously smitten by another’s looks and/or charm, will say something to the effect of “I am in love with (person,) except that I do not like his/her sense of humor, I want him/her to be more honest, to always be faithful because he/she is known for his/her philandering, and also I want him/her to be more kind and patient because he/she is rather abrasive.” In other words, you are telling me you very much like physical aspects of this person, perhaps even find them charming company in the short term, but you think that they are kind of a bad person deep down because they cheat, are easy to make angry and hard to reconcile, dishonest, and tell really bad jokes…and frankly, it seems to me that all you really love is the way that person looks.
Remember the old saying “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover - it’s on the inside which counts,” - well, that’s a very smart saying and you should still mind it. It isn’t that I’ve never found someone perfectly acceptable fodder for stirrings of infatuation, because they are beautiful to behold, generally, but infatuation isn’t love, and it’s all too often confused for it. Once I realize they are, deep down, beneath the surface, incompatible with me, the infatuation quickly fizzles out, and I have moved on easily. Others find this harder to accept as they believe infatuation is love. We can’t really change who someone IS, and by that I mean if you can’t manage to accept a person’s faults, - say they have a quick temper and bear grudges, and they are lazy as well, - and if your own gifts and faults don’t either suitably match with theirs (perhaps you absolutely love looking after others, and are sweet and forgiving which might compliment their personality, or perhaps you are dramatic and prone to fits of crying and just as lazy as they are which would not make a good match,) then without compatible personalities, the love affair will end over and over again, and using magic repeatedly to draw the person back will not make the next time any better.
And why? You can’t change a person’s “nature,” meaning you can’t change their personality - who they are deep down. You will have a very hard time changing your own as well. It takes years and hard work and policing yourself constantly, - and would you not just prefer to be who you are? There is nothing wrong with trying to- or wanting to- change parts of your nature you dislike. Perhaps you’d like to be less lazy and more active, or to be more social, or that you’d like to learn a skill you have always had a hard time with…but if all of that is opposite to your nature, you will be like a fish trying to learn to walk on land…clearly, one of them did finally which is why I have to pay bills and get sunburns (thanks, evolution, - sheesh!) but being as it was quite contrary to their nature to do so, clearly that one made an astronomical change. So, yes, you could try to change yourself to fit someone else better, but if it really runs quite contrary to who you are, in my experience, most people will become exhausted by trying and will move on to someone else.
The real problem I find is that someone believes love will positively change a person. So, they go and they throw love magic all over this desired person, forgetting one thing I have been saying to the public for almost 20 years now:
JUST BECAUSE YOU MAKE A JERK LOVE YOU, THAT DOESN’T MAKE THEM LESS OF A JERK. NOW YOU JUST HAVE A JERK WHO IS IN LOVE WITH YOU.
If it is a very difficult and slow and arduous process to alter your own nature, I assure you, the use of magic to change another person’s nature is even more of a difficult process, and you are confused of you think love will make them change. They can love you and be a horrible person simultaneously. Sometimes loving you makes them even more horrible to you….because mental illness, personality disorders, abusive parents, or horrible cultural beliefs or any other sorts of reasons. A love spell will not change a person’s nature.
In fact, it’s nearly impossible to change so one’s nature, and trying, as I’ve said, even on yourself is very often something people give up on, but trying it on another is even more exhausting, and all to often after a brief change they will revert right back to being who they are.
Now you can waste the limited time you have in your body in this lifetime just wasting it chasing a jerk you don’t love past their exterior, or you can accept that this is who they are, and that person isn’t compatible to you, and find someone who will no doubt be just as lovely on the outside while far more compatible with you where it matters (on the inside,) instead.
Hopefully that made some sense, and was helpful! ❤️
And yes, new spell article very very soon!
~Cat
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