Cat's Rants - Confessions of an Occult Mastermind

Reddit Stalker.... The True Story *UPDATED*

Hello my Occulties,

This incident was also covered here on my business site. 

So as you may have guessed, when you've been in business for two decades as I have, despite publicly posted terms of service and rules, most of which have remained the same since the business began, despite making hundreds if not thousands of people happy, that at least once a year one fucking piece of shit is just going to be an asshat. On average it's 1.75 people per year. I expect it and it doesn't faze me much. So when I made some clown unhappy for not making promises their spell would manifest overnight, someone who believed I should be on call 24/7 if I'm "real" and "ethical," and my not taking their abusive language, not cutting down my prices to 20% of what I post them as (which actually is in line with the average prices, thanks,) and not being willing to budge on a policy which I clearly outline I WILL NOT CHANGE MY MIND ON right on those publicly available pages that have remained virtually the same for 2 decades, I thought that I'd really had some ridiculous bullshit I'd dealt with for having to put up with all their crap for a minute there but that would be that.  

Oh, cluster B personality disorders, why do you make stalkers, because they are already beset with all of the issues you've given them and no one wants them to spread that shit. But they do. And no I'm not making fun of mental illness. This one is certifiable. I'd bet you $100 my assessment is on point. 

And so this clown decided to become a poster child for how no adult with a spine, courage, intellect, or honor would operate (the poster child for histrionic dumbassery, in fact), and decided to get in a fight with a short, redheaded woman who takes shit from honestly only one guy (and he's very nice to me, so even that's rare.) One sunny day (tbf, I don't recall the weather,) this fall, I come in to a reddit I would at that time inhabit (long ago to repost blog posts as it was so lonely and awful in there,) to this person posting under "KittyThrowaway," and defaming me. No matter how I and another tried to explain they were quite mistaken and what they were saying was easily discredited, the once-awesome but now sycophantic-under-newfound-popularity mod, after years and years of running something which might be compared to circling a turd in a gas-station toilet of reddits which had recently begun to find a lot of popularity just nodded and agreed. When I challenged the "throwaway" to say who they actually were, they were terrified and accused me of threats.

I actually don't issue a warning shot, really. If I said I was gonna kick your ass, I almost assuredly would not mean it (nor would you be apt to think I was being anything but amusing,) and further I don't really say that sort of thing at my age, but it's when you're a cunt and I say nothing at all that you probably want to be concerned. 

BUT because I made an offhand remark like "if you really don't believe I'm capable of casting spells, you'd just tell everyone who you were because you wouldn't be afraid you'd get some wasting disease mysteriously," or similar. Boop, I get tossed for being threatening, never mind someone is slurring my name, lying on me (outright saying I do things I do not do and have never done, which I have screenshots of, and I can show easily just using google that it can be proven false without my own needing to provide "proof" which could be doctored,) is basically threatening my livelihood, my income, and my life, - I dared ask them to use their real REDDIT ACCOUNT (not even their real name,) and said they clearly don't find me scary with what they are saying and should not have a problem doing so but now I'm threatening them. That's sensible. I can be repeatedly threatened and lied about, but if I have the girl balls (we call them ovaries in the states,) to stand up and disagree, I'm the bad one. Alright. 

Oh for fuck's sake. You know, I do very little cursing really. I mean, it's just too much effort and frankly when I do curse, you're almost guaranteed to know me in real life, and not online (unless someone paid me to curse you, of course). Like you and I have probably physically been in each other's presence at least once if not several times if I did curse you, and even then, it's not something I do so often. Too much effort for people who aren't worth even acknowledging. Even the clowns mentioned here - I mean one used to suck up to me until his reddit got momentarily popular, and the other is pissed I didn't break my own rules and suggested they go elsewhere but is too scared to confront me at the same time. Woooo. Scary.

I wouldn't threaten you I'd do "baneful 'magick'" (not least of all because I can spell and don't insult myself and everyone else pretending I have to place a k at the end of magic or you'll be so stupid you'll think I mean I'll do a card trick or pull a quarter out from behind your ear, but also because I don't say "baneful" pretty much ever,) and if you're having a lot of problems which mysteriously started after you were a cunt to me, but believed I'd have to have warned you I'd go hexmaster supremo on you for you to think I'd curse you...which honestly I'm insulted anyone thinks I'm cursing randos on reddits which is beyond dorky for even me, then what's the problem? Why am I sooooo scawy?

Anyhow, I shrugged it off. Some Reddit Mod who I'd formerly been friendly with was drunk on this "popularity" (which clearly was this person's first ever encounter with people looking up to then given the behavior,) acting sanctimonious over some mentally ill weirdo who was making a scene to get back at me for wrongs I never did. Let the guy who was never looked up to feel admired because being drunk on Reddit popularity is...well, it's like me getting drunk off of a half of a light beer (I could probably drink a whole case and just pee a lot and not be hammered,) so I mean let the kid have his fun, and this clown making up stories? Probably just wants attention and I got to be unlucky to be this weeks obsession, so whatever. 

Because at the time I was still living at the hotel, fucking poor AF, had some serious life stuff I'd just recently found out, had some Mr NinjaCat stuff going on that was also pretty serious, and my shit ex host started losing emails (I am so glad I moved hosts for my site) so I had a few good people pissed off and those people deserved better. I have plenty of people I am still very much in touch with who can vouch for me that I did in fact do my utmost to fix the situation and I did let them know what was going on, so I admit it here publicly, it was a bad time for emails and I know I missed following up on a few for that, (this fall was bullshit,) and I know I pissed a few people off for a second, but so far as I know, I did get back to everyone. I tried taking on a bit less work too, because like I said, I had my hands full at the time, and it was just...a rotten time for this Reddit Mod to turn on me for a clown, thereby making himself a clown. But like I said, whatever, if you're gullible enough to believe someone who has to act as that person did (the screen shots are hilarious,) then you shouldn't moderate the ticket sales at an elementary school play much less a group of adults, so I was better off. 

I had almost forgotten about it today. This chick I mistook for a nice practitioner starting out, a girl I'd offered pointers to, and had sent business to ran a reddit and I posted on there. My post did not immediately post which was weird since it's a small reddit. I didn't think much of it until this evening when I get a notice I'm "banned for life." LMFAO. So I ask what this is about, because it's gotta be good. She goes and tells me (which I had my people look and so not entirely honestly,) that someone had complained that I'd posted there before (the stalker, which was not hard to confirm,) and like there was "proof" I "blocked them" (which is impossible on any email I have, but OK,) and that I didn't send them pictures of something I did (which they would be clear that I don't generally and actually it's in my FAQ, and also I had hired her out of mostly sympathy and she "forgot" to send me photos of that service which I also have proof of her saying that, haha, - my response was IDGAF at the time but I guess she's banned for life in that other reddit and I feel "threatened" by her actions today, LMAO) that I said I would use "baneful magick" (words I would never ever speak or write unless quoting another,) against this person (because I'm actually not at all well known to just threaten anyone for any reason but I guess my notoriously non-confrontational-until-pushed-repeatedly-self did that on a whim, right?) and some other hogwash. When I said why wouldn't anyone ask my side before they just banned me, it was clear she was either threatened by this first Reddit (I have proof she takes money for services and doesn't send promised images, so I guess she's off of there now as is, - not that I really do give a fuck, but since that's apparently a huge vile mark on her integrity from what I gather, certainly other people in this histrionic dramafest must insist on her removal,) oh and multiple people backed them up (this was also found to be not entirely true, - because I probably shouldn't have believed a 2 faced liar to begin with,) I tried to think of who I'd pissed off other than (oh and it's a notorious fucker stalker) "KittyThrowaway" (and if you want to keep tempting me I have all your info, but the fact "KittyThrowaway" is a cunt everyone wants to throwaway seems like life cursed that one enough, so not worth my time,) and remembered 2 people who having signed a contract would not likely have joined in on ripping on me on a post, but they were pretty upset about the email thing back then and pretty bad about working with me according to my terms of service, needing many reminders. As I'd not gotten my people to scour and look for fuckery yet I offered perhaps them, but that I'd righted things with both and it was an email issue which I had gone out of my way to post in various places was going on at the time plus posted to my blog, so...not sure what that was about. Seemed to me a clown with very suspicious behavior who was saying clearly false things which are easily disproven (without me having to send any screen shots or provide proof which anyone providing "personal proof" could doctor it, - you can discredit them with GOOGLE,) was the culprit and that she and (Name of Other Mod) were just being pathetic sycophants and not wanting to displease a handful people who's approval they should not seek. (You should avoid those types.) 

The truth does not mind being questioned. A lie sure as shit does. This is why liars hide behind throwaway accounts, or add stuff to a pretty non-exciting moment when someone who was never cool started to feel Godlike for leading a reddit so they can have that clearly "reddit popular," kid on their side if they add exaggerations on to the lies, so what can I do? There's 2 people not bright or discerning or brave enough to see they are doing me wrong, and here's one person who's giving a one finger salute and saying may the bridges I burn light the way. Good luck to you both. I could discredit you both more but you're not mean people, just weak. And this is about as mean as I can be to people who are so weak. Anything more would be cruel. You are both better than your actions. Very disappointing. 0/10 would not recommend.

But this stalker...oh, my lovies, I've not had a true nutter in awhile. Remember that guy from London that used to literally email me that I'm a poopy pants and he's gonna get me! This one might be as bad given the behavior. Oh, this is a rare treat. Now I have to look but I think this person signed a contract, and that does state they agree to pay a large sum if in violation of certain terms...I hope they got a big checkbook, lol. Always read what you're signing. Always. And if you wanna be a fucking cunt, I'm not going to curse you, but just hold you to those terms and conditions you're bound to. Because one thing my dear Mr NinjaCat will tell you I'm very proud of is at some point if you push me far enough, I'm the biggest fucking cuntiest cunt of all the cunts that ever lived and I will out cunt you so hard. 99% of the time I'm a nice lady. Maybe more than 99% of the time. Don't see the 1%. Anyhow, we will see. If they didn't sign because they never actually hired me (the majority of people lobbing complaints against me historically never have hired me), I'll just have my people gather up anything posted on any site (I have some bored friends, heh,) and go after them legally another way. This will be even better than the time when someone got in a fight with me over their overdue bill, and then couldn't rent an apartment for years because I reported them to the credit companies and they were too proud to pay what they owed, so it stuck there like a fart in a compact car with all the windows not working in winter...because like I said...I'm the cuntiest cunt of all if you go too far. 

It ain't "baneful magic," or even a curse like most people would say instead of that pompous shit, and I wouldn't waste it on someone like that. It would be like using dynamite to crush an ant. But there will be consequences.

Some people's kids, amirite?

Sorry to disappoint anyone who didn't know I do deal with mega-shitbag-liars at some point, but I do.  

I love you all even if it's not mutual right now....cuz I gotta go be a cunt. :)

~Cat

MULTIPLE UPDATES FROM CLIENTS/BLOG READERS AND FRIENDS - Funny and enlightening news on this front, and thanks to the footwork of many. I won't be posting further updates and since it's clear there's some bullying going on (legit, I'm being bullied lol,) the reddits in question might get reported as one of the people helping pointed out it's clearly the work of 2 people (not second reddit mod,) then just pettiness, sycophantic fear-mongering, and bullying (lmao, I'm being bullied,) and well, that's just sad. Sorry I helped your reddit when it sucked and gave you free spellwork when you were down, bro - at least I remember it as being free, but this episode, readers? This is why I'm not as charitable as I once was because I do favors for people and the next thing you know I'm evil and out to get everyone. SMH. Anyhow, here are the best of the reports I got (and for it being "like tons of people" as I was falsely informed by second mod, it was clearly not more than a handful as more than one of these people got hit up by different people of mine who scanned the whole site for any of it, which I might add of the complainers, it seems about half had other identities but I believe everyone is reviewed below,) and the reports have been edited for clarity:

I found one of them talking shit. PMed them and they said you refused to lower your price and never worked for them, but took up an hour of their time before insisting you would not lower your fees even being told they live in another country and their money is worth less. When I asked if they knew what you would charge before the consultation they said they waited to tell you the budget but you should have understood. I mentioned you have a price list on your site. They said you don't have a site. I said you have had one since 2004 and a long running blog. They accused me of being you and blocked me. 

So, I did not do business with them, but I'm a scam because I wouldn't give them a special lowered price? WOW, that person sounds like someone's word to trust! I mean, I'm going to go get some groceries later and insist because I earn less than this lawyer behind me in line, I should pay less and see if they just agree since clearly that's how businesses work (I would never do that, either because only assholes do stuff like demand a special lower price.)

Where do I start. Began picking apart a specific post because it did contain easy to dismiss claims. The person contacted me (or another account did which claimed to be them.) I asked If you worked for them, and they said they were really nice to you and you seemed nice and they complimented your blog, but then they asked for pictures of the work. You told them outright it is not your practice and if this was a deal killer, they should probably see someone else. They were incensed and apparently tried to convince you that you are wrong to do that, and at the end of this "conversation" (which I infer they really read you the riot act for a long time,) you say "look you have just wasted hours and hours of my time - which is worth $125 per hour - giving me shit about nothing I am going to change because some person who is crazy enough to think they can argue me into giving them special treatment suchas yourself thinks I would regret not taking the business of an entitled and abusive jerk like you! I think I missed a bullet by not meeting your expectations" which verbatim sounds like you, and then they said you told them to kick rocks which I take they are not a native English speaker and were very upset thinking that meant something very bad. 

So, because they wasted my time then followed me around lecturing and insulting me and wasted more time, but again, never bought anything, I'm the bad guy? Wow, OK, good to see this isn't any customers! LMFAO. This is an entitled abusive jerk. I stand by that. And when I say kick rocks it really isn't like "pound sand" but a pretty PG suggestion, so I'm not sorry to have used it but I get that feelings may have been more hurt than intended.

Said you did not do the work because four months after you cast it some friend of the mod [of the first reddit mentioned] did a reading for them and said you didn't. Said they contacted you and you didn't respond.

Wait, what? My competition, who clearly didn't do a reading (because after four months that would be hugely difficult to read spell energy, as most of it would have dissipated, -  and frankly, when you are asked if someone did a spell, you look for indicators of change in their reading if you're most readers, so that tells me the person probably isn't a reader or if they are they failed to disclose that as one normally would,), a person who is a friend with someone who is no longer my friend and had very hurty feelings about me a few months back, so also has every reason to lie told them I didn't do the work for this person. Best part? This person reports back that I charged $409. Every price I have ends in a 5 or a 0 and has since I first started actually. Even if it's a typo that's highly suspect. My price list hasn't changed in probably close to a decade and I don't generally charge $400 for anything. Suddenly this kid 2 weeks ago just started smack talking me or something? I mean, I do tell everyone TO USE MY EMAIL to contact me, so it's plausible someone contacted me on reddit but I have no chat that fits this. That's all i know, and I gave you the juicy parts. IF THE OFFENDER WANTS TO CONTACT ME, PLEASE DO AND WE WILL CLEAR IT UP...and I don't mean the reader who did a favor for my former friend and made shit up instead of doing a reading, lol. The best part will be proving that reader wrong, will take me 1 minute (no nothing scary), but can't post something that personal here to a possible client and since I never charged anyone $409 this is a huge mystery. 

You pointed out a mistake in something they posted which they took as that you're rude. It was some spell and you asked them why this or that ingredient when that makes no sense. They said you clearly don't know what you are talking about, but then could not defend the ingredient except said it was there because they said so. They never hired you. They say you are just an asshole.

Yeah, that's probably some spell where a bay leaf was way weird of an ingredient. I was honestly legitimately curious as to the reason. When asked they became defensive, and refused to say more which tells me they either stole the spell or just made it up and didn't realize it was horribly cobbled together and nonsense. I could be wrong, but I believe I remember that interaction.

I guess you didn't give them free work when the work did not take. From what I gathered there were initial results but they fizzled. So they said some stuff happened, then nothing, then went back to initially something happening not nothing but not enough. When I pressed to see if they had lust for results or acted contrary to your instructions to ferret out if they had made the spell fizzle they acted awkward and may have blocked me. Not responding now. 

Because I wouldn't give them something they were in no way entitled to, I'm a bad person. Gotcha. I know exactly who this one is, and they were actually pretty good of a client to work for except for the entitled thing which would rear it's head over and over despite gentle (and then less gentle) explanation it wasn't owed or coming. I'm sorry this person lowered themselves to this level. Very disappointed. Thought they were a better person. 

So, out of everyone basically 2 people worked with me, and one is allegedly being manipulated against me and has voiced no complaint directly to me. Terrifying. I get hundreds of cases a year and 2 complaints? I'll take it. Less than 1% dissatisfaction? Sure. That's good, and I'm glad.

Oh and, as an aside, "R-Pomegranate," (name changed) SO MANY CHARGEBACKS? I have had one in the last 22ish months (I want to say actually since April or early May 2021,) and the money was given back by the person who did the most recent willingly so it didn't go through. The prior one I was awarded all the money back as the person who did it was judged as being dishonest and fabricating by the pay processor. So you can see how I got "so many chargebacks," meaning 0 that went through, and 2 attempts in 2 years, and out of all my sales that would be less than even 0.3 of a percent of my sales had attempted chargebacks in the last 22 or so months, so you just gave me a compliment! Why tell all those lies and tell people not to use my services then? I mean, the whole post was full of lies, so...it is what it is. I bet you got a free reading from someone to post that but if I did work for you then you should have read your contract....and um, not the part about chargebacks because in your case that wouldn't be the violation I have screenshots of. :P (CA - 12, btw.)

But then again, I'm sure it was worth the free reading or service you got from whoever to make up that loveletter you posted. *yawn*

I've been warned though that because this was addressed there's a few clown soldiers tryna save face so if the stupidity rages on, I'm sure I will be accused of killing the dinosaurs, the real person who stabbed Caesar, and the Pharaoh in the story of Moses. SMH. You flatter me. I can barely open a pickle jar on my own.

Keep talking shit, if you just want to make me famous. I mean, after all I bet I'm the one who killed Jimmy Hoffa, too, lmao!

Unlikely Love Rekindled....

Hey Occulties,

So, another client has a story to share with all of us, and this one needs some background. Of course, all names are changed. I liked this one as it really shows how subtle spells can be, where it's all "too convenient" at times. Normally I share the really wild manifestations but this one here is perfect - and I'm so happy with the outcome! 

So, my client was engaged to a woman I will call Eva (not her real name) about 20 years ago. As they were relatively young and pretty fresh out of college at the time, while planning their wedding, Eva's career started taking off. She asked Jack (my client under an equally fictitious name,) if he was OK with them postponing the wedding for a year. While he agreed (they had really just started planning so it wasn't a huge financial problem,) the relationship soon soured as Eva pulled away more and more, with the end coming with her deciding to move somewhat far away for a new job and to just have a new start.... They did not stay in touch as the break up was somewhat bitter. 

Jack did what a lot of us would do...he just went and partied like it was the end of the world, and within a few months, he found himself unexpectedly expecting to become a father. He married the woman who was about to be the mother of his children, and for about 15 years, they were very happy, and had 2 other kids. Unfortunately, his wife became ill and died at a rather young age, leaving Jack a widower with 2 sons and a daughter to raise on his own. At first, he didn't want to think about dating, but while grieving, he kept wondering what would have happened if he had married Eva instead of Sarah (also not her name.) Then as time went on, he began to wonder if Eva would even have wanted to have children, seeing as she was so centered on her career back when things fell apart. Just a bit under a year after Sarah passed away, Jack decided he would go "Social Media Stalking" to find out what happened to his old flame, as he just couldn't help but wonder what her life had been.

He found her quite easily. But because life is like that sometimes, her social media accounts were not so easy to see. He could see a picture of her but not really see much of anything else. So he asked a few mutual friends, but found that no one seemed to know anything. Finally the sister of one of his friends told him that Eva had married briefly, and had a ten year old daughter, but she hadn't spoken to her very much (they were just Facebook friends,) and that Eva didn't post very often, so she didn't know much else. 

He tried to stop thinking about her...and it surprised him as for many years, he'd really not thought about her at all. She came up in conversation here or there, but so rarely that it surprised him how hard it was to get her out of his mind now. When the pandemic hit, it became a complete obsession. He didn't want to say anything to friends and family, feeling they would think he was crazy. It was around this time that he contacted me. 

At first I was kind of concerned as from what Jack told me, he'd not even tried contacting Eva personally. Because I'm me, and of course I would say such a thing, I told him he should probably save himself some money, and just reach out to her. What can I say? I'm more practical than some people might realize. ;) However, he was adamant that he didn't feel right doing so, at least not without first looking into what was going on with a reading. Since he was sure it was the right thing, I agreed. Instantly the six of cups keeps showing up, - always in one of the outcome positions, and in all three of the spreads I did during our half hour. To those of you not in the know, the six of cups generally means "love from the past returning into your life," and if you're asking about an ex you miss, it's one hell of a great card to get.

So, I tell Jack again - reach out to her! Even the cards say it's good!

But he balked at this. So I'm like "Look, it's been a long time, - no matter what you did, it can't be that bad. I'm sure she's forgiven you for saying something mean.' So he told me he had gone well and high above and beyond mean and cruel and awful. Again, as I've heard pretty much everything in my almost 2 decades at this job, I was like "Yeah, okay, see you think it's bad, but how bad can it be? Just tell me, because I can assure you I've heard much worse." So he told me. 

I have promised to keep the incident a secret but let's just say it was very very mean. It wasn't like a marathon of dick behavior level of bad, but it was pretty low. I had heard a few similar things in my day, though so I wasn't exactly bowled over. So I said "Look, I can see why you might not want to reach out, but she probably has gotten over it. I can understand if she didn't want to date you again after that, but it's not the worst thing I've ever heard or even seen 2 people get past. We can do some work on it to help her get over it, but I still think you should just reach out." Jack decided to consider it and about a week or two later he reached out to me again, and told me that he'd sent her a message on social media, and she left him on read....that had been a few days ago, and nothing. 

So, I asked if he wanted me to do work, and he said, yes, he thought that would be good. We thought out a plan which included not just reconciliation but also communication, love drawing work, and at Jack's insistence, obsession work as well. 

About three weeks pass, and I get an email from Jack saying nothing has happened and he's decided nothing will, but he thanks me for my time and etc. I assure him that something could very well still happen, but that it's always healthier to start moving on because, as I tell all of you all of the time, fixating on something can slow manifestation. About two weeks later, I get an email from Jack with the title "HOLY SHIT!" 

Now, just so as you all know, that can be good or that can be bad. I actually looked at that title and was like "I'm having a pretty busy day today, and if that's bad, it's going to stress me out." However, I'd never known Jack to be rude, and I was awfully curious, so my caution lasted about 3 minutes. ;) 

It was, in fact, very good news. Out of the blue, Eva reached out - after all these long weeks of leaving Jack on read. She replied with an epic novel that I shall summarize to you here... Basically she said that she wasn't sure if she wanted to say anything as for a long time she had been very angry with Jack...for having children with- and marrying Sarah. She in fact never brought up the "incident" that Jack had been kicking himself over for so long except to mildly touch upon it by saying "A pretty nasty break up," and had instead let him know that when she had moved for her job, she thought about him constantly, and could not stop thinking about how she had thrown her great love away. She had thought to reach out to him when a mutual friend told her that Jack had "gotten a girl knocked up" and that they were getting married. Eva was devastated, and when she heard Jack and Sarah were expecting a second child, she up and married the first person she could...while still in love with Jack. Well the marriage soon soured as Eva named her child "Jacquelyn" (Not the child's real name, but it was the female form of Jack's real name,) and her now former husband had about enough of feeling second to Jack. He asked for a divorce. She spiraled into depression, ended up seeing a therapist and finally "getting over' Jack. When she had seen Jack's message, she wasn't sure if she should say anything at all, as she did not want to go back to feeling hurt and abandoned and second best. HOWEVER, she had talked to a mutual friend who told her that Jack had been widowed, and after a week or two she just felt terrible and selfish to not say anything when he had merely reached out in a friendly manner, and not been crass or rude or flirty.... She just worried because she knew deep down some part of her heart belonged to him still and it hurt so much to lose him before. She admitted that a week or two after getting his message she just couldn't stop thinking about him. 

Jack was floored that she'd loved him for so long, because in his memory it was her who had rejected him. They spoke at length and after several conversations, decided to meet...which, logistically speaking, was kind of a shit show. ;) Both were afraid that after so many years the other party wouldn't be attracted but both felt very attracted. She started looking for a job near to where he was, saying that it's what she wanted all these years ago, - to just be with him, - and that it was "like a dream coming true" to be back together with him again. 

So, almost 20 years apart, and now together. Congratulations "Jack" and "Eva" - you two crazy kids deserved a second shot at love. :)

~Cat

Sweet Justice!!

Good morning, Occulties,

So, I'm glad to have a client story to share this morning, and not only was it a welcome read (because Mercury decided to retrograde all over me before 9am, ha!) I'm even more grateful I was given permission to share. Names are all changed, of course.

Sometime around February, my client found that her soon to be ex had been maxed her credit card out by taking cash out...which is one of many reasons he's her ex. When she confronted Mr Jackass (not his real name) he replied that there was very little she could do about it as no court was going to uphold that he didn't have permission to use her credit cards as they had been together for 8 years, and he'd used them multiple times over 8 years without her ever complaining. Mind you, it wasn't as if she had a huge credit line, so what is it he had bought? 

He had bought his side chick some new boobs is what he bought. :P And no, ladies and gentlemen, this wasn't reconstructive surgery after breast cancer - there is no hero aspect here, despite the cheating - it was that she was sick of being a B cup. 

Understandably my client was livid. She had suspected the cheating, but wasn't sure, and now she was going to be paying off this girl's boobs because that cheating asshole broke up with her for "being such a bitch" about the money. Even worse, she wasn't the breadwinner to begin with, so technically, he could have paid using his own money, but now she's stuck with the bill and her household income is more than halved. 

I've heard some crazy stuff in my day, but as you can imagine, this was inline to be one of the craziest damn things I ever heard. So she wanted her money back, and she wanted revenge. We started by breaking the "happy couple" up. This wasn't difficult. Ms Newbobies was not really too interested in my client's ex, but if he was dumb enough to spend all that money on her and get her new boobies, she wasn't going to say no. When he told her he might have to move in for a short time, Ms Newboobies didn't like that, and within a few weeks she had him move right out. Now Mr Jackass had very few options. His surviving parent lived three states away and he was an only child. 

He tried to rent, but with the real estate boom, it was hard to find a rental. He was losing so much money on a hotel room that he wasn't really sure what to do, and mysteriously the hours at his job got cut back (it's not mysterious, we totally cursed him, haha,) and his friends, having heard all about Ms Newboobies, really didn't want him staying with them...they considered him (quite rightly) a thief. Finding himself friendless and alone, and with his resources rapidly dwindling, he reached out to my client and literally BEGGED HER to let him stay with her. Having seen the text messages, the man was clearly beyond desperate.

Of course, she didn't really want him around, because...well, um, look what he did. So she told him if he paid her credit card off, she would consider letting him stay. He told her he wasn't sure he could afford that, what with that he'd lost so much money but he'd see what he could do. So he sends her about half the amount. She says "Well that is only going to pay a third of what you owe because the interest is crazy when you take out cash on this card." He says he can't give her more because then he won't have enough to pay his hotel bill, but that he could pay her back if he just could stay with her. 

Now at this point I suggest to her that she should have him put something worth money in her name as collateral. All we could think of was his car. So she tells him if he signs his car over to her - and it was a 2019 Lexus (I do not know the model) - then she will let him stay. Of course he balked at the idea, but she said she only wants it as collateral as he's done her dirty, and it's the only way she will believe he's sincere in paying her back. She has a car, but it's like a 2014 Ford of some kind, and so when he does sign over this Lexus to her, she says well OK, you can stay. I was surprised by this, but he comes back, and she doesn't speak much to him, but she lets him sleep on the couch. When he goes to take his car to work in the morning, she says no, you can take my Ford but I'm not letting you take my Lexus. He fusses with her, he argues, and she says "Fine, take the bus because if you take either car now, I'm going to call the police and tell them you are trying to steal my car." 

Well, he took the bus, and when he comes into work they tell him they don't need him anymore. He's fired. At least that's what he told my client. We aren't sure but both agree he probably just quit or had been fired. :P He calls her from a nearby business and asks if she can pick him up and says he got fired. She asks why did you get fired? And he claims well because when he took the bus he was late so he got fired. She says she isn't about to let someone with no job stay with her. So after a fair amount of arguing, he spends the whole day looking for a job - any job, - and when he finally makes it home he swears he has a job.... at Taco Bell.

That's right, he's working at a Taco Bell according to him. This man had been working at a banking type job, and now he's serving you chalupas, so it wasn't exactly a step up. AND we weren't sure that he was working at Taco Bell.

She says, alright, and she lets him sleep on the couch. For about 2 weeks, he's coming and going and acting like he has a job. Meanwhile she's driving to her job in a shiny Lexus. Well, she gets a notice in the mail that the payment for that Lexus is due. She confronts him and says "This is your car loan, and why aren't you paying it?" He says well he doesn't make enough to pay it, and for all he cares they can come take that car since he wasn't getting to use it." So she tells him he can't take the Ford into work, and take the bus again.

Now he thinks she's just "punishing" him, and he goes on the bus that day. She had paid off her Ford so she sells the Ford before he even gets home. Now she's only got one car, and it's the Lexus...which he signed over to her. He about goes off the rails, so she kicks him out and gets a restraining order against him. Now he's got no car, and no place to live, and she's paid off that card with the money she made, and is driving around in a relatively new Lexus.

Oh, but it gets better.... After about a month of not hearing from him, a friend tells her that he's moved back with his surviving parent three states away, but not before telling anyone he could that his "crazy evil bitch ex" (my client) had destroyed his life, and he had nothing to show for it, not even the side piece he bought boobs for. So somewhere in around this time, Ms Newboobies reaches out to my client, and she says she feels badly because she found out that my client paid for her boobies, and that Mr Jackass had only "paid back maybe half" and she wouldn't wrong another woman. She sends her a check for $2000, which she admits is less than what was paid, but all she can spare, and hopes it will cover the difference. 

So, my client came out with extra money, a Lexus, and my client's ex is destitute and jobless and moved three states away. Perfect!

That's one hell of a story. Thank you for letting me tell it! 

~Cat

A Confession of an Occult Mastermind

I would rather help 50 people who follow my instructions to the letter (and I never ask anyone to do anything that isn't hugely simple like "stop stalking your target," and "do not fight with this person,") but have problems so bad they seem virtually impossible to fix even with the best of spells, than I would want to help 5 people with really simple problems who refuse to listen to any of my instructions and do the opposite of those instructions. The success rate would be much higher on the 50 people with insanely bad problems, too. :P 

On another note, if you are okay with simple instructions like "let this person contact you first," and "show up to the job interview sober and ready to do your best," I'd totally love to help you change your life. If you can't do simple things like that, I don't know if I'm your girl to help you. 

 

Reviewing People Who Use Review Sites to Find Spellcasters - 5 Reasons You Should Smarten Up and Not Roll with that Crowd

Hello Occulties,

Let's be honest. We all know I think review sites are some smelly turds that hurt more than they help. Well, if you didn't know that, now you do. I especially cringe when I see a whole boatload of people have written originalninjacat review because I cleared my history and Google showed me it was a common search. Used to be, people came to my blog, or were on my blog. Well, now the whole internet is infected with smelly turds and the dingleberries they leave when they shuttle through the interwebs, so I probably shouldn't shudder. Review NinjaCat. Review OriginalNinjaCat. Review Real Spells. Real Spellcaster Review run by people who don't know anything about spells. 

No, ladies and gentlemen, instead I am getting a big jar of internet bleach, and I am cleaning this gas station toilet out so we can all not wretch at the horrors past of people who didn't know better. Let us sanitize this area (despite my writing this article at least three, - if not more - times over the years,) and for goodness sake, I'm going to try and help the HONEST CONSUMER who has been forced to put their buttocks down on this soiled shitty seat thinking it was the only rest stop, and that's the best they could do for themselves...you need not sit around with this lot of junkies and horrible people and think that all toilets (er, review sites and reviews) are this way, so it must be. 

Instead I give you knowledge. Knowledge is power. 

Why should you avoid those places? How can you actually do something to help yourself find a real person? Read this. It will help. At least I hope it does. And honestly, I don't need your business so if it makes you sad that I wrote this or makes you think I'm judging you in particular (instead of, for the most part, vastly generalizing,) that's fine. I am sure you meant well in your own aims, and I hope you find what you are looking for, and I even hope that my observations (through people burned by such sites, and through observation of said sites at times) are not going to be your experience, because I don't want you to get burned. I don't want you to invest your money with someone and not get what you want. That is why I want you to just consider and read the following, and then see if it makes you reconsider using those sites...

5. No one with a lick of sense would advertise on there, or want to be on there.

The best clients I've ever had found me because they were long time readers of my blog. The worst applicants (very few were ever clients) I've ever had came from LordGameOver forums. The pedophiles, would-be child killers, wanna be rapists, absolute psychotic weirdos, people who sent me death threats for declining to accept their (almost-always horrifying) requests and my refusing take their money? LordGameOver almost every time. But the worst ones almost always come off of a review forum, even if not that one. 

This isn't to say there aren't nice folks on there. In fact, I may have taken your case or referred you to a real person if I thought you were a nice person that was mentally sound. And I don't want to be a dick, but the mentally-sound great clients coming off of review sites were probably one out of every 25 or so applicants coming off of those forums. 

Let's keep that in mind, (that the bad ones came off of a particular place, but that the majority of scary people I basically told to leave me be and never talk to me again were forum-people from varying forums,) and then ask ourselves "Would I advertise my business in a place that would bring me 95% horrible people who I can't let hire me, so I never get paid for dealing with them, despite several stalking and threatening me after I declined, for that tiny percentage that would come in and not waste my time?" The answer is probably no, you would wisely not want to be advertised there. Not all business IS good business. It's why legit workers hate review forums...I've never had any legit worker friend express anything more positive than disgusted amusement at them, and most find them awful and something that exacerbates the scammer issue. In fact, in the recent past it's been something where a jealous worker advertises someone else on there to get them back for something. So, maybe you did find someone honest, because someone else put them there to get them back for doing better than they were. 

Keep in mind, as a worker, I actually have a contract you sign when you apply that says you can't discuss me in any place like that...not me, my business, my emails, my readings, my spells, and etc. If someone breaks their contract, I can basically sue them. Even if they compliment me. That's a binding contract. The reason isn't that I don't like compliments (I LOVE WHEN YOU SAY NICE THINGS!!!!) it's because about 10 years ago, before these review sites were a thing, a whole legion of people went and started discussing me in a forum I was not a part of, and then got in fights over how I would feel about this or that (yes seriously) in this being in another worker's forum, and I had to ask her to please talk to them because it was starting to upset people to the point that I had to comfort them that so-and-so did not rat so-and-so out about saying this or that in that forum. She and I were embarrassed for those people. But I saw the drama it caused, and I said "Eff this," and I put it in the contract that what is between you and me (that is your entire case) is to stay that way. I don't mind if you tell your sister or your best friend or your mom that I worked for you - in fact, I like that. Please discuss me privately off the internet with friends and loved ones. I don't mind what you say about me privately. When you post it? Well, then it's out in the public eye forever, and I am bound by my own rules of discretion, too. Now I have to deal with that drama while trying to stay discreet. 

That, and there is something really disturbed about a lot of people who talk behind someone's back in a forum. When I ran a forum years ago, you could not discuss practitioners, or disparage someone on a personal level if they were an author. So as much as I hated this person's work and thought she was a miserable you know what, I wasn't going to discuss how she was a rotten human being...I'd just say I wasn't overly fond of her book and leave it at that. If only others ran their forums the same. 

So, while I initially made the rule to stop melodrama, now it's also that I don't really want to be advertised in the worst places possible for advertisement. ;) I would rather people find me from my blog. I know NO legit worker who actually likes review forums. I'd love to find someone who is a practitioner I respect who does love them because I'd want to know why. ;)

4. You can't really review something unless you have a strong understanding of how it works.

I have never in my life seen a single review site (even the well-intentioned ones,) where anyone was an expert spellcaster, and then not only that, but a spellcaster familiar with at least 4 or more popular paradigms of spellcasting, with this person (or people, since it really should be juried by at least ten) have all personally worked with each worker they review, much less have I ever known the vast majority of these people to have even spoken to whoever they are speaking of. It's like a bunch of people who've never eaten any food other than kibble, and who have never eaten at a restaurant reviewing cooking at a restaurant. They back up their claims because this lady who never ate Indian food tried this Indian restaurant not knowing what to expect, and now she's their source of info, plus there's that guy who also never tried Indian food, and these three people who went to the Indian restaurant just to drink booze but didn't eat reviewing the food as well. Wow, that sounds like the kind of experts to trust (and that's sarcasm.)

The occult is a HUGE topic. So, even if someone knows Wicca, that has nothing to do with Hoodoo, and even if someone understands how to use Hermetics, that's not going to be the same as Santeria. Not at all. So, without a strong understanding of what you're trying to review (which is to say, you know enough about it to instruct others who know nothing at all,) the best you have is "So and so is a bitch," or "So and so is very nice" and "It didn't work" or "It worked." 

And apparently spell-failure (which is not implicative of a scam or lack of talent,) means you're fake. It doesn't mean someone did everything opposite to their worker's instruction (even if they did) and it doesn't mean the worker did all the work they said they would (which even if they did, that's not considered relevant,) it means that someone confuses spell-failure (and I've had other good practitioners fail when I asked them to help me, and I know they are not full of it,) with "real" and "not real" because they live in a fantasy world where if you push the right button on a machine, what you want falls out, and if it doesn't, it's "Fake." 

Let's learn something kids...you know if you go to a lawyer, and you ask him or her to help you with your case, that if this person loses that case that it doesn't actually make them a bad lawyer, much less a "fake lawyer"? Or did you know you can go to a great oncologist for your cancer, and still die? Spellcasting is a bit like that. I've worked on cases where there is no plausible reason that my client is not getting what they want...in fact, they should get this without spells. It's rare, but I've seen it happen a handful of times, and thankfully I usually had done something else for the person and succeeded for them so they didn't hate me for not getting this other thing. :( I've worked on cases where I thought I'd have to be God to fix this situation for someone, and it wraps up in a week. So, like anything else, you're asking someone to try to fix the situation, and they can apply their knowledge, and fix something for you a good deal of the time. It is not a guaranteed outcome. It's putting the odds in your favor as much as possible. So a good lawyer might get you less jail time even if you get jail time, but the fact you went to jail does not mean your lawyer is fake. Maybe that oncologist saved someone with a stage 4 glioblastoma, but your cancer still manages to get you, despite being stage one and very trivial-seeming when found, and that doesn't make them a "fake doctor," it means that a whole host of issues created this outcome, and this doctor, while gifted, could not overcome them. 

How nice the spellcaster is would not be relevant to how well they can help you, so cross that off. If you need someone who pets your head and reassures you all of the time, you actually need a therapist. If you want someone who does good spellwork, well, it's best you get along with them yeah, but they aren't a therapist, and you might have to hear things you don't like hearing (for example, I've told at least 4 people in 2016 alone to knock off drinking so much because they are acting out and chasing off their love interest, and it's no one's fault but theirs this keeps happening.) So, if you are going to someone because they are "super nice," that is nothing about "Super effective." 

How quick they respond might not be relevant. When part of my house burned down, my response times became terrible. This wasn't because I'm a bad spellcaster, - rather it was because I had noise and disruption happening constantly for weeks at a time. ;) If you're concerned about response times, it's valid to say that to your caster. He or she will generally be glad to explain why there is a long turnover if there is. However, I've known quacks who replied in an hour, and I've known really good spellcasters who, even with me as their friend, took a week...and I was getting service faster then their clients for my replies, and my questions were not about any spell they were doing for me, no less.

If it didn't work, what in the actual heck did the client do? Did you ask that? Did they think it to death? Did they want to be a werewolf (someone asked me that once)? Did they chase their ex around with an axe? What did the practitioner say to them about the chances of it coming together. Do you know how many times I've told someone there is maybe a 20% chance it would work and they said "I'll take those odds?" Well, if it didn't work, was I bad? I told them it was unlikely. Remember, anyone pissed off enough to write a rude review aleady has a huge chip on their shoulder, and is about as reliable as someone asking an ex lover of yours who you just dumped about whether or not you're a good person. 95% of my complaints come from people I never even worked for. I had a woman tell me I was a "Fraud" because she didn't read the application (or anything she agreed to in her contract,) when I'd clearly stipulated on that application that I don't accept cases of the type she asked me to help her with, and when I pointed out to her I said I don't cover that on the application, she threatened me and called me names. I had another guy tell me I must be in this for a quick buck when I said I couldn't help him. OK, what money did I get in either case? None. I said no to both. One of them took several hours of my time up needing to be calmed down after she threatened me. I wish that was uncommon. But instead, it's quite common to get threats, be called names, or the like for NEVER WORKING FOR THE PERSON. 

So, you trust people like that to give you an honest review? I wouldn't. It's why I don't believe any online reviews of anything. It's either a joke because it's a slighted person (so it's completely off,) or it's overly gushy and overly positive (and that's probably an exaggeration, too!)

It worked or it didn't work isn't relevant then until you know everything about the case, what the worker did, what the client did, and etc, - you need BOTH SIDES OF THE STORY. And you probably don't know that - you probably have one partial, completely slanted side of the story, if that person is telling the truth. And who's leading this review site or forum? Is it several people all of whom have at least 10 years of intense practice and study in different paradigms who are not selling any services themselves? And have these people personally worked alongside each worker to gauge their effectiveness and honesty? If not, then there is no way you can jury these claims properly or believe them valid. Do they have people prone to self delusion on their forums? I remember one woman telling me there was a silly bee on those forums saying she knew a guy was real because she'd get a migraine every time he cast a love spell. Um, hmm...that probably means she just gets migraines from stress. My love spells (and anyone else's I know of) have never caused blinding sick-headaches. And others bought into this and helped carry the delusions around. My client who brought this to my attention thought it was the most hilarious thing she ever heard of, - used to laugh herself silly about that forum. It's still one of the most popular ones to this day. 

See, what I mean, kids? If you're blind, why are you letting people who are blind and deaf at the same time lead you around? 

3. If you think about it, this is a great way to hook the perpetually ignorant.

If I didn't know a damn thing about cars, and for some reason cars were some topic that a lot of people knew nothing about (apparently we've gone back in time to when the automobile first came out,) I might think that asking strangers about cars was brilliant. Of course, bad people have existed since the dawn of time, and perhaps there a bunch of people who are going to tell me that if I buy this kind of car from them, it will give me amazing powers, like time travel, and the ability to cure all diseases, and perpetual youth. Since the willfully stupid have existed as long as the bad people, there would, no doubt, be a devoted band of followers telling me YES YES YES, I must get this car because then I will have these amazing powers. And maybe, if I've never seen or known anything about this new-fangled automatic horseless-carriage, I might even buy into it. There's a whole group of people who do. So, when I purchase an automobile I find myself greatly disappointed when all it does is roll around without a horse pulling it. I wanted to fly. I wanted to be young forever. I wanted to cure all diseases. All these people said this is how this machine works, goddamn it! I must have been scammed. 

I see you rolling your eyes, some of you, but guess what? This is what those forums are like. Some more so than others. So, if you have people who really want to live in a fantasy, this feeds the fantasy. This does not educate. I wish it did. Does that sound odd to you that I want you to be educated? It shouldn't. I've written this blog for over a decade, and while I've taken month's long breaks in the last few years, I've written this blog mostly with the intention that I want to educate people so that they can understand how they can improve their own work for themselves, or even help along work that someone else is doing for them. There are spells you can do FOR YOURSELF here. This is almost a third of my life spent writing this for you, and it's free for you. Doesn't seem to me that I want my readers to be ignorant. 

So people who want to believe certain things about spells - things which are blatantly false - they are very attracted to these places...these "review sites." This means if you're the honest consumer, much like as I said with the car example above, you don't realize that you've now fallen into a den of people who are willfully ignorant, and you believe (as do they) that they are "helping you." Meanwhile other people who enjoy the same kind of fantasy are coming in and remaining. They have a kinship to their own kind. This reinforces the idea that you are around people who know what they are talking about. Well, er, if you read #4, none of them (at least that I've seen, and by all means show me one where this is true that someone or many someones with a decade or more of intense study into several paradigms are the judge and jury, and with no motives to sell their own services or supplies,) are being run by anyone with the intellectual authority, much less the practical working knowledge of the occult, to make such decisions. But they grow and grow, because the perpetually ignorant are attracted...and that brings in the scammers to leave bait on those sites to squeeze those people for money. 

2. They convince you to do stupid things when interacting with a worker.

I remember reading a forum where it was the opposite of what you should look for or ask a worker being told that someone should ask those things. Like "What is your success rate?" as a question. I've answered that here. I always ask "Well, do you mean for myself where I am the person casting spells for myself? Or are we talking about others? If it's others, am I allowed to not acknowledge people like the woman who broke into her ex's house and got arrested for it when I told her she had to stop contacting him entirely (which she also didn't do) who then blamed me for "failing" while admitting she constantly did the opposite of my instruction? What about the lust for results crowd? What about the people who screamed in the face of someone I was supposed to reconcile instead of being loving towards them? Do they count if I did not get them what they wanted? Or do we just count the people who followed my instructions and didn't think things to death? Also, what is success? Some result? Full result? Unexpected better result? Person who realized their ex is a dick, but is now a dick that loves them and wants them back?" 

Another recommendation was to see if the person had a money-back guarantee, as only a "real worker" has that. (Actually it's usually that the reverse is true.) 

Or even one where they said x was the right amount of time for manifestation...something ridiculous like 3 days, but...

There is no standard time for manifestation. So, if someone tells you there is, - someone who isn't your worker - you might think, "Well fuck this didn't happen in a day! SCAM SCAM SCAM!" Yeah, but it's not. So you've just basically told off a worker who is a very nice person, who is doing their best, and who didn't do a thing wrong because (read the above) you let someone else convince you that's not how this work. This is a bit like not listening to what a doctor tells you, but instead asking that weird guy dressed as a chicken that hangs out in front of a convenience store every day begging for change how long it will take for your boil to heal if you see a doctor. The guy in the chicken suit has a lot of mental illness issues, and probably can't tell you the right answer to much, but you're taking his word over a doctor's. Really. Who's the fool? Who's the quack? It must be the doctor, right? ;)

So, in reality, you should just be polite to the worker, and speak to him or her regarding your concerns. Ask them what to expect. If it doesn't pan out that way, ask them why or if something could be improved on. I'd rather someone just tell me I'm a bitch and that they are angry about (x thing,) because while I don't really appreciate my time being wasted with emotional asshattery, sometimes I have unintentionally slighted someone, or they've misunderstood how something works, or I identify a problem that can be addressed and fixed, and it gives me the opportunity to correct this or help them understand why things aren't working right, which is benefiting us both. If you feel results are not happening, talk to me (or your worker if it's someone else,) and let's look into that. That's the right way to handle things. ;) 

But if you or someone else were to go ask a group of ignorant people (see #4) if what happened was "normal," or if it implied a scam, you might not give me that opportunity. Whereas it might have been you initiated contact with your target when I told you that would stop this from working for you, and you'd forgotten that and made contact, now I'm being roasted by a bunch of people (well, and you just breached your contract and I can sue,) who have no idea what I did, what you did, and what you were supposed to expect. So, they are basically telling you to not give me any opportunity to examine the situation and see if I can help. That's not helping you or me...but especially not you. ;) 

"Well, but if there are scammers out there, why would I trust the worker?" Fair. So, here's what you do. Don't hire me. I don't need your business. Then you can take this advice, and apply it to finding a real worker. Look at that. Here I am, with 25 years of spellcasting experience here, and I am making not a penny from you taking this advice I've given, and so I've no motive to lie. But, if I suddenly became able to spend nothing but time with you helping you find a worker (you'll want to see #1) and I could just take hours of my day out without pointing you in a SPECIFIC direction (I work for a lot of people so I actually don't have this spare time,) I could still tell you what to look for. Now, I obviously understand spellcasting, especially in my own paradigm. Where is my motive to mislead you? I've not offered you any pointing in any direction to any peer or friend or anything of the sort. No profit for me.

1. If you really want to find a real spellcaster, to know if you're being "scammed" it means actually making an effort to understand a few things, and damned if that is too much to ask of the Google-addicted generation this world has become. 

Oh. Em. Gee. Not WORK!!! Not when you can hit up Google!!! But people really good with using Google AdWords have been grabbing suckers for years like that, and Google then makes it even worse because they can't guarantee you're not just finding "popular bullshit," since they use algorithms, so now being good at AdWords means you've found a savvy marketer who may not even be selling you what you want! But Google is so easy! How dare I ever remind you that it doesn't make it the right way to find what you want.  

Well, but this is kind of easy, kiddos. MOST legitimate workers in this day and age have written a book and/or have a blog, have spells you can do for yourself published somewhere OR if they don't, they have all this free literature on spellcasting (not just on their spells that you purchase, but on spellcasting and how to spellcast for yourself.) Now, some fakes have some (laughable) books and sites, too, so that's not a guarantee. Hell, I can think of one chap who's gone on some of those review sites pretending to be his own client, and who has still plastered his name onto some very gifted people's work all the same, - he might very well have convinced some of you reading this that he's super magical awesome. Still, he's one of two, maybe three, people who I can think of off of the top of my head who's very present with the real workers, who's published, and that being out of easily 100 people. So, look how much you've just narrowed down the pool to "people I can probably trust." I'll even adjust that number to it being less than it is, - say that gives you a 9 out of 10 chance you're not going to get a fake. 

Before review sites were a thing, I'd just be like "If you don't think I'm legit, there's x amount of years of my work online for free for you. Read it and if you think I'm still full of shit, that's fine, because I don't need your business." I've actually kept the design of my blog always different from that of my business site in an effort to make it so those who want to do this on their own feel like it's separate entity. That way, they see me as Teacher Cat, rather than a business. Some people don't want to learn. That's cool, too. That's why I sell services. ;) 

It still helps if you understand spellcasting. I think Jason Miller's Strategic Sorcery (and Mr Miller and I do not always agree on a lot of things, mind you,) is a good start. So you invest probably $10 or so on Amazon, read this book (and it's a pretty quick read,) and then you have at least some grasp of what's going on. That's a lot cheaper than handing money over to a fake, then complaining they were fake. You're arming yourself with knowledge. Knowledge is power, kids. And there's a lot of primers out there that you can get, some bad - some good, but that will help you at least begin to get some idea of what is going on when people cast spells. So, here you are, you've learned something, and now you're ready to find a spellcaster. There's still going to be a glut of them online. Still, you're already legions ahead of a lot of those review site people, but you say "Cat I love review sites like you love Ryan Gosling, or Chris Hemsworth dressed as Thor. I love them like you love a good Stoli and Tonic. I love them like you love ice cream." Fair enough. So go on there, and see who everyone is chirruping about the most. Where are the hens clucking about what is best? ;) You see one where you kind of like the news about that person, though you're starting to see a lot of these people are like what I'd mentioned...that's OK though - you love review sites like I love ice cream, so fuck everyone who's going to tell you to stop using them, - and so you visit this worker they are all mooing about. You ask the worker some questions. You ask a few more. You start to get this idea that this person is reading something to you out of a Dungeons and Dragons book. And wait, did they just say what? They do what? They are a Grecian Gypsy Santeria Palero Goetic Invocator with a specialty in fairies? What? Wait that doesn't sound right. They can fix it in 48 hours? But you read that's the exception and a rarity, not commonplace. Hmm... So you go to this next person you liked that everyone reviewed. But then you realize they are accepting all business and have a static price up for everything (including spells) which...wait, you know you can't trust someone that casts the same love spell for every love situation. That's not how this works. So, you look at this other person, and...

And you've made it. You've learned how to determine who's real and who's fake within some degree of respectability. Sure, you might fall for someone who's a very good scammer, but you're not going to fall for these obvious fakes. You're no longer that "person who uses review sites" that legit workers despise and scammers love. You're a discerning consumer. Congratulations. :)

The bottom line is...I would rather have someone who wants to ask me some questions, who wants to know why I do things x way and not this other way, and getting the information they need than I ever would want someone blindly coming in assuming I'm some sort of god or wish granting fairy. Almost every worker I know feels the same. If it meant NEVER EVER EVER getting another client, but  preventing people from getting their money taken by someone who is obviously not doing the work for them, I think that might be a fair trade. And I know - I KNOW THIS - that if any one of you understands spellcasting just a tiny bit on your own, - that if you realize that getting a ritual oil isn't a magic potion but it's more like buying a hammer (and not thinking that means the hammer only works if it builds a house for you the moment you touch it, but rather that you need to use the hammer appropriately to build the house you want,) or another tool, that you won't be losing your hard earned money by being naive or unknowing about what you are looking for.

So what is my "Review about people who use review sites?" Simple. There are a lot of really great, honest, wonderful clients hiding on there, thinking they are being smart consumers, and they are getting a bad name because of the people who's advice they're taking. It's making them bad consumers. It would take a concerted effort for all of us to shut those down. My review is that the good people need education, not review sites. Let's leave the bad people, the crazy people, and the people that I would honestly cross the street to avoid (and I get at least a handful of these terrifying types in my inbox every month,) on those sites, and help the discerning consumers, the good people, the people who just want some help get off of them. Just like living in a crime ridden neighborhood doesn't make you a criminal, or growing up among willfully uneducated people doesn't make you stupid, well...using a review site just means you went to the wrong place to figure out how to do this right (at least in my opinion.) 

It might surprise you, but in the 12+ years I've been around online, I've actually helped people figure out if a worker they want to use is "real," by reading that worker's site, by examining their literature...and I never once asked this person to hire me. 

And if you wanted to cast the spell yourself, I even offer one on one education sessions. Hell, the moment my publisher gives me the news, I'll be telling you when my book is ready for release. Then you don't even need me, you've got my book (which is still less costly than hiring me, haha.) So, please know, I want all of you to get what you want in life (well, not the pedophile people or that guy who asked me to get someone to rape his wife, or the people who want me to kill children...so most of you,) even if it means I am not getting your business. I hate scammers as much as you. They make the honest among us look bad. BUT, I also hate online reviews. I've yet to find them - regarding most anything, and not just spells or spellcasters, - to be a very informed way to make a decision about anything. 

I do hope this is some help. I see far too often the good consumer getting the shaft. You all deserve better. :)

Beast witches!! :)

~Cat

 

This site, and all content therein is copyright OriginalNinjaCat, except where noted, and cannot be used, transmitted, copied, copied and pasted, or etc without my express written permission. I will prosecute all violators to the strongest extent of the law (and then some.)

My book is forthcoming, and I've been rootworkin' and spellcastin' for 25 years now. If you have questions about spellwork, please check the archives under Questions You've Asked Me section, or click on the varying links to spells that you can cast on your own, too! :) 

All Hail Saleos!

Hey there, Occulties,

Since I've definitely signed myself up for more work than I ever should have with 13 more posts (well, 12 after this,) all having to go up on or before December 31 (all while working 14 hour days, because I just am a glutton for punishment,) I had a few days to think on it, and I figured I'd like to have a chat with you all about someone I think is absolutely awesome. No, Rufus Opus, this is not the review of your book which is also forthcoming, but you're awesome, too*

As some of you might know, Saleos (sometimes referred to as Sallos, or Zallos) is one of the 72 spirits in the Ars Goetia. Maybe you've met him. Maybe you haven't. But I have something to say about him, and I will address it directly to him, as it really IS long overdue that I give this fellow a PUBLIC and glowing review:

My dearest Duke Saleos,

You are amazing. You've helped me, you've helped my clients, you love vodka, and wine, and engineer infatuation between men and women like the true master engineer of love that you are. You're everything I ever wanted in a spirit (I also love vodka and helping people fall in love with each other.) It has been an honor and continues to be an honor to work with you.

You have helped me grow as a magician, you have been patient, you have been kind... You even have a great sense of humor, which I was a bit surprised to discover. :)

If anyone (who was seriously interested in conjuring,) asked me who to work with for love, I'd recommend you. I'm pretty sure that goes without saying. You get the job done right - which isn't always "two days later" (and I respect that most highly,) because fast isn't always lasting...and what you create is more often than not, quite lasting. I look forward to further adventures with you.

YOU
ARE
MY
FAVORITE
GOE
TO
WORK
WITH!!!!

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you Duke Saleos!

I cannot praise you enough, and will continue to do so. May we work together for many years to come.

Yours truly,

~Cat

*RO would be even more awesome if he published a book which was bound in the hide of unicorn nipples, inked in the blood of his enemies, and smoked with demon farts, but he still hasn't published a book like that, so he's only 99.9% awesome, and I told him this very thing yesterday. :P

****Added 10/10/15 - I am glad to talk about SALEOS (I didn't misspell his name) with people practiced with evocation if you would like to know my experiences. I welcome discussion with those who have successfully practiced evocation. :) If you're a dabbler, if you refer to him as Sallos (when he's listed as Saleos, Zaleos, and Caleos in the varying sources that I am familiar with - not to mention, I've spoken to Saleos himself,) or if you tell me he is your only hope and you really really really want your ex back/someone to love you, but you've never cast a spell, then I do not teach evocation, and I am not interested in the discussion. Ask me a stupid question, and you will get a contemptuous answer. I teach ROOTWORK not spirit conjure. Sorry to be such an asshole, but this post has been an ASSHOLE MAGNET and after almost a year of fucktardedly stupid questions, the answer is, YES, I LOVE SALEOS AND HE IS AMAZING, but NO, I do not think he's your only hope if you never cast a spell before, and frankly, successful evocation takes a long time to learn. I don't teach it, either. ****

Text is copyright me - no copying, copy and pasting, etc., images in this article from the free domain. If you dispute they are from the free domain and they are yours, please contact me and I will take them down.

Confessions of an Occult Mastermind: This One Time in College...

Hey Occulties,

You know, today was my friend Shea's birthday. She would have been 35. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her. As I'm sure many of you know through your own personal losses, it's very hard to lose someone you love so very much. The pain never really goes away - at least in my experience, - one just gets used to it.

Since she is heavy on my mind, and still so much a part of my soul, I would like to share a story about her with you. It's a spell story, and a funny one at that, because Shea did like spells. ;)

When I was maybe 22/23 and she was maybe 21 (yes, I was in college for five years, feel free to judge me, ha!), we were both into spell casting, but she was very new into it. I don't recall her as having a boyfriend at the time, and I'm almost sure she didn't have one. She had come to my house and asked to borrow one of my books on love spells, and I of course lent it, telling her not to worry too much about x or y instruction in the book (it was one of those "THOU SHALT NOT INFLUENCE OTHERS!!!!" types of titles, but if you ignored that and tweaked the spells a bit it wasn't so bad,) and gave her some advice on what she might try. She'd also borrowed a few others, but the love spell one is the only one I can remember what it was about.

As I remember it, she had been very vague about what she had wanted to do, spell-wise, or love-wise, and though I'd offered a few pointers, I could tell she was not going to give me a complete idea of her motives. And I remember it being summer, though I could be wrong, - what I am sure of is that it was during a break in college...summer or winter, I can't say, but I'll lean towards summer.

The phone rang in the afternoon, and since she and I spoke at least every other day, if not multiple times a day, even when school was on vacation (and these were the last of the days of the landline, and expensive long distance, lol, so that wasn't cheap!) I saw it was her on the caller ID, and of course assumed we were going to have a gossip. "OMIGOD, CAT, OMIGOD, I FUCKED UP!" she said into the phone.

"OH NO, WHAT HAPPENED!?" I replied, thinking maybe she was in jail, or something worse.

"You'll be mad..." she said.

"OMIGOD, SHEA, JUST FUCKING TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED, AND I WON'T BE MAD!" I yelled back (we yelled a lot when together, and swore a lot...can you tell?)

"Well," she said, "Remember I borrowed that love spell book you had?" I said I did remember that. "OK, and then I borrowed that [other book that escapes my memory which one it was]?" I said I did. "Remember how you told me that I would probably need to tweak the spells to get something good?"

"Well, yeah, sure, I remember that. Why, who are you love spell casting on? OMIGOD, is he like, some psycho, and like you only found out like when he got hit with the spell? Is there a psycho after you? OMIGOD! I will kill him! Who is it!?"

"No..." she replied reluctantly. "It's worse than that. See, remember you told me I had to tweak things? I did that, by like, mixing two spells, sort of. Like, I read in one book not to cast a spell on someone directly or it might be bad, so I really wanted my ex to call me, then I thought what if like he could run into me instead of call - that's okay too, but then I thought, 'What if I don't mention my ex BY NAME' because like, that's indirect and I have some exes, right? But like, I thought what if it was like I said a guy who has been with me before or liked me before or something, right? I mean, my ex is one of those guys because he did like me and we did fool around. Well, so I [did a bunch of stuff that I only remember her using rose quartz and some pink candles but which is far more complex than that] and then it happened."

"HOLY SHIT, SHEA, WHAT ASSHOLE DID YOU CALL OUT OF THE ABYSS OF YOUR FUCKING EXES?!" I cried.

"FUCK YOU, YOUR EXES ARE EVEN WORSE AND YOU DATE KEVIN AND YOU HATE HIM!" she countered.

"I BOTH LOVE HIM AND HATE HIM AND YES, SOME OF MY EXES SUCK BALLS! Now tell me what happened?! Who showed up!? It wasn't [guy who is still my friend who I'm kind enough to leave anonymous], was it?"

"Well, no, Cat, it's ALL OF THEM!"

"What do you mean, all of them?" I asked. You mean [guy who shall remain anonymous] did show up?"

"Oh, he fucking called, of course, yes. It's bad, though. So like, there's this kid, and like I made out with him in high school, and he's like, gay now, and he saw me out to dinner with my parents, and he's a waiter at that restaurant, and started hitting on me. I mean, he's fucking gay! He does not like girls, and he flirted with me. Like really flirted! And-"

"Shea," I interrupted, "omigod, a gay kid was hit by your spell, that's so funny. Maybe he's not so gay after all."

"NO! SHUT UP! I'M NOT DONE, BITCH!" Shea said, cutting me off. And yes, we called each other bitch, slut, and whore all the time as terms of endearment. "He is very gay, and I'm sure he's gay, but that's not all. So I ran into my other ex from high school at the mall, and he like, wanted to go out with me. And [anonymous friend of mine] called, and also [another anonymous friend] - because you know we made out, and then also..." Now, instead of labeling a few people just anonymous, I'll let my audience know, she listed several of our friends, most of whom had probably only ever shared a kiss with her, and went on to say... "It's every guy I've so much as ever smiled at since I went through FUCKING PUBERTY, and ALL OF THEM! ALL OF THEM ARE COMING OUT OF THE WOODWORK AND TRYING TO FLIRT WITH ME OR HOOK UP WITH ME! WHAT DO I DO!!!!???"

By this point, I was laughing. "Well, why don't you hook up with one of them?"

"You don't get it, Cat, I hate this! Most of these people are people I never ever ever wanted to see again! I don't want to touch any of these guys dicks! Not a one of them! A few of them, I ever forgot I made out with them or like, liked them because it was so not even something I wanted to remember."

"Shea," I said, "You asked for all of your exes to miss you. What on earth did you think was going to happen? You should have just named the one you wanted."

"But the book said that was bad, Cat. What do I do? Tell me!?"

"Um, enjoy it? I'm enjoying it, and it's not even happening to me," I giggled. "Anyhow, I told you that book was over-cautious. You can always do a work-around. Why didn't you just call me and ask me what to do?"

"Because I didn't want you to know I wanted [whichever ex this was, but it's not the first one I said should remain anonymous.]"

At this point, I was laughing so hard I was almost crying. "Shea, I don't care who you want to hook up with. This is me you're talking to. Anyhow, you should just let this keep going so you learn your lesson. That's what I'd do. It will wear off, but the experience will teach you what it means to mess with this stuff and not do the instructions right."

"CAT! BUT THE ONE I WANTED WAS NOT EVEN EFFECTED! WHAT THE FUCK!"

"Well, maybe he will be, so you don't want to crush the spell just yet," I offered, "and anyway, like I said, things blowing up in your face can be a good learning experience for you."

So, as I remember, things did calm down in a week or two, and I believe the young man who she initially had hoped to attract did offer to take her out, but that is the story of the time Shea refused to name names in her spell casting and brought back 70% of the people she so much as ever kissed into her life for the next 3 or so weeks. The moral of the story is: Stop being indirect, just ask for who you want when you're spell casting OR don't complain when you get bombarded by bad choices (er, I mean people) you made out with while drinking. ;)

As an amusing side-note, some years later, I'd asked a friend who owed me a favor to set a light for me for attraction. I'd needed to borrow a bit of money from an ex who had since married and who was just a friend, but who was more apt to lend the money if he thought I looked cute. I wasn't looking to do the nasty, just hoping if I was super cute to him, he would be more apt to lend the large-ish amount I was requesting. It did work, the guy lent the money, and seemed to appreciate that I was cute, but didn't come on to me... However outside of him, when my friend set this light, the next thing I knew, it seemed like every other guy I'd so much as just smooched (some of whom were/are happily married,) that I was still in touch with in some form (mostly facebook friends only,) was suddenly coming on to me. ;) When I told Shea this, she was like "I hope you're enjoying it. Not fun, is it!?" It was actually hilarious, lol, but I suspect she felt vindicated, as I did more or less insist she just let her "calling all my exes" spell wear itself out. ;)

Happy Birthday, girlie. I miss you tons. There is nothing in this world that can ever take your place in my heart.

~Cat

QYAM: Stupid Questions to STOP Asking Me edition

Hi Occulties!

I know, I know, why am I doing this again? Because I have to. Please feel free to laugh, to shudder, or to go "Wait, I didn't realize this!" ;) Enjoy...because I'm sure I just offended some people. I wish I was sorry about that. :/

Q: Where do you buy sulfur? I have looked everywhere! I swear!!!!!!!

A: You might try this.

Q: Will you give me free answers to every question I have about spells or my situation?

A: Well, I actually sell that service. It's called spell-coaching. I don't do it for free because my experience is that people abusively expect me to work 12 straight hours for free answering every question they ever had, even if it's been answered in the Questions You've Asked Me archives.

Q: Why are you not rich and famous?

A: I don't want to be famous...with "rich," I'd say there's a limit to getting money wherein one finds they have no real friends anymore. Financial security sounds nice, but I don't really want to have so much money that I no longer can trust anyone is my friend. I'm rich with people who love me, as cheesy as that sounds.

Q: Why did you decline to let me hire you?

A: Probably because I felt you had egregiously misleading ideas of what a spell could achieve for you, or you clearly lied on your application, or perhaps it's because I felt that you and I wouldn't get along well. There's a multitude of reasons. However, in my business FAQ I clearly state to not ask me this question, and mostly because I don't like to make anyone feel upset that I said no. People get very touchy about this. :(

Q: Will you choose a perfect spell for my situation for free? And then tell me how to do it? And also give me free spell advice?

A: I sell that service. It's called spell-coaching.

Q: Where do I buy supplies?

A: While not a stupid question, actually, at this writing I only recommend Hoodoo Roots Spiritual Supplies and Karma Zain Spiritual Supplies.

Q: Can I use a filthy rotting used-condom in this spell?

A: I would not recommend you use rancid semen that's been stuck in a condom for I-don't-want-to-know-how-long. Unless I (or the author) specified using freshly gathered (as in you JUST GOT AHOLD OF IT minutes ago!) semen (which one usually soaks into another thing when that is stipulated,) the proper method is to gather dried semen from a rag, cloth, or tissue which does not have any of your cervical or bodily fluids or semen on as well.

If you have a condom over a day old, please throw that out. That will get rancid and nasty. Ew.

Q: Can I use a used tampon or maxi-pad?

A: Gather it quickly, clip out some of the batting or cotton, dispose of the rest. Better to handle when dry if not your own tampon. If it's your own tampon, you can "Milk" it as soon as you remove it by squeezing it into a cup and letting it dry. If you want to save the blood and it's your own, get a small bottle (like a mini-liquor bottle) and have your own freezer. Place the fresh blood into the bottle and keep frozen at all times, otherwise it will go bad and stink and be as bad as the rancid condom mentioned above. You *might* be able to do this with semen, but not having a set of testes, I can't say I've harvested my own semen after jerking off. :) I also do not hold on to fresh semen of others, and never have. Sorry, it's just not my thing. :/

Let us never discuss this again. *barfs*

But semen and vaginal secretions and period blood? All useful when dried. Why let that stink anything up when you don't have to? Especially if you're gathering from a target, you normally will prefer it dry, and do not bother keeping it fresh unless the spell stipulates FRESH semen or FRESH bodily fluids. ;)

Q: You said I need a hair from the head or the hat band, so does that mean I can use something else?

A: No, if I directly said what you had to use, then you need that particular item.

Q: Can I put cumin in hot foot?

A: I wouldn't suggest it, and I wouldn't use your hot foot if you replaced an ingredient with cumin.

Q: If you are so in love with Ryan Gosling, why aren't you married to him?

A: I don't know as I'd like him, just parts of him. That said, I prefer to lust from a distance. Just because someone is sexually attractive to me, that doesn't mean I need to put that notch on my bedpost. Most of what I say about Mr Gosling is for humor purposes, but, Mr Gosling, if you're reading this, feel free to buy me a drink anytime, and I'd never spellcast to make that happen...because I don't need it that much, but you're still f*cking beautiful, and I wouldn't say no to a free vodka if you offered. :)

Q: Can I tell you how you're a bad Catholic?

A: I'd rather you didn't. Most of those who do are merely ignorant on folk Catholic practices around the world, but if you're such a good Catholic, you might want to drop the sin of pride by telling me such a thing...or not. Whatever you want to do. I'm not your judge, not being Christ or God or any saint by any stretch of the imagination.

On a personal note, I find people like it when I don't give them unsolicited religious speeches, which isn't surprising, since I don't care for them myself. If someone wants my view on religion, then they can ask, but until that time, I try to keep it to myself. Except the one time a friend of mine asked when Lent was over and I made fun of him for being a "heathen agnostic," and then he made fun of me for being a "Lent-loving-Catholic," and then we both laughed at each other (and he offered me a dessert since I gave them up for Lent,) - since we both have this thing called a FUCKING SENSE OF HUMOR it was hilarious. :) I don't care that he or you or anyone else is or is not any religion. Give me the same respect about not caring about my beliefs unless you are curious about them rather than trying to correct me. Namaste, bitches. :)

Q: What if I hate Catholics and Christianity?

A: I don't care, just so long as you don't give me a lecture about either. We don't need to discuss religion, or saints, or Christianity, or anything of the sort. In fact, if you have angry feelings about those things, we should avoid the topic altogether so we can be respectful of each other's beliefs or lack thereof, right? Right.

Q: How can you tell if you were cursed 1000 years ago?

A: I have no intelligent answer for that...um, perhaps find a past life coach? Honestly, you've been dead so many times if it was a millennia ago, that I'm going out on a limb here, but I think you're gonna be OK. Most spells don't even last a year. :)

Q: If spells don't last like a year, then will it wear off and everything goes back to how it was and then it's like it never happened?

A: Well, the idea is to create a permanent condition or to create an opporunity. So, if I cursed you to lose an eye, and your eye fell out, it won't grow back a year later or magically reappear, no. However, if I do a spell to make your ex come back, and you're still a rotten shit to that person when they return, and they leave again? The spell worked, they came back, and you chased them off. It's not an armor against stupidity, unfortunately.

So, if you work against the spell, or you continue to create a bad situation for yourself, the spell will not work infinitely, no. For example, if you really want a job, you get that job, then you never show up for it, you won't get paid for working that job, and you'll lose the job.

No opportunity is permanent, and spell influence often begins to wear down over time, so the idea is to "strike while the iron is hot."

Q: Are you this bitchy in real life?

A: Sometimes. I tend to react poorly to willful ignorance, freebie abuse, and willful stupidity. Also, I hate when someone asks my advice or my opinion so that they can tell me it's wrong. However, my main problem is that sarcasm translates horribly in type, and that I work with sensitive people. I actually get a long with a lot of people, and surprisingly several of them tell me I'm actually nice. Yep, I'm shocked, too.

Q: Are you still sad that your friend is dead?

A: Yes, I will always be sad that she was stolen from myself and her loved ones so senselessly and so young, however, I'm feeling much better than I was right after it happened. You might say I've come to terms with it. I'm sort of disturbed you'd keep asking me this, though, since it's incredibly insensitive.

Q: I have never dated someone but want to marry them - is there a spell for that?

A: I strongly suggest having a committed relationship with someone. It's very emotionally immature to assume you could be married to them, even if you're friends right now. You need to try a romantic relationship on before you even contemplate marriage. I mean, when I was 14, I used to dream of stuff like that, too. Luckily, I started actually dating people, and realized great friends do not always make great romantic partners. Please try DATING SOMEONE FOR A LONG WHILE before considering marriage.

Q: Is there a spell to make bitches want to fuck me?

A: With that sort of language and attitude, the only females who will likely offer are the kind you pay by the half-hour for sexual acts, - spell or not, that's what you can find with your shit attitude. I'm sure they are happy to take your money right now. :)

Q: Will you cast a spell for me for free?

A: No.

Q: Will you answer one psychic question for me for free?

A: No.

Q: Please?

A: No.

I hope this has been educational, and yes, I've heard all of this in the last month. :/ So, while I hope many of you are laughing, I do hope some of you did find this educational...because some of you needed the education.

On a brighter note, I've had a lull in paying business (or I should say business I can accept, since it's so much "free" questions and/or unrealistic requests,) that I've had some time to work on a spell article for you all. Hope to have it up soon! :D

Your ever-cranky, bitchy-faced rootworker,

~Cat

Questions You've Asked Me: April 2014 Edition

Hey occulties,

Time again, for a Questions You've Asked Me article. :D

Q: I have found a dead bird in front of my house. I think I'm cursed. I also had a spider crawl on me, so I must be cursed, right?

A: I often get mails about an unfortunate dead bird (who probably ran into the window and broke its neck,) at least 2x a month, and usually the person decides this means a curse, and not just that a bird ran into a window thinking the reflection meant it wasn't a solid surface. I find that most often (in fact, in every case where I've been presented with this scenario,) that the bird died of the afore mentioned accident, or otherwise disease, OR was the "gift" of a neighborhood kitty (or your own kitty,) and that this is in no way a spell. Also, if you notice crows, or saw a bat flying, or had a spider crawl on you, this is almost always not a curse on you. What is happening is that an animal happened to be in the same place as you. Now, as someone who lives in a rural area, if I thought I was cursed every time I saw a crow (a flock of them live right near my house), a spider (I hate spiders in my house, but again, lotsa spiders around here,) a dead bird (um, have indoor/outdoor cats, always have,) or saw a bat in flight at dusk, I'd already be institutionalized. ;) Instead, I realize that I share this planet with lots of other creatures, and some of them die (and I see their remains,) some of them try to live in my home, and some even crawl on me and scare the crap out of me when I'm watching Netflix at 1am. (You know who you are, bad spider!)

I hate to say this, but almost every single person who ever asked me if they were cursed was just imagining themselves cursed, did not at all describe the behavior of a cursed person, and was often a bit...er...paranoid. I will say if you think you're cursed, it's at least a 95% chance you are not...because that suits the numbers in the amount of people who've asked me in 10 years if they were cursed to the small tiny number that actually were.

Q: I was told to look for pictures in the drippings of my candle wax when using a free-standing candle. I can't see a picture, though, I think maybe this is a lima bean exploding? What does that mean?

A: Whoever told you to project that a sign will come out of your candle wax every time you cast a spell is a silly bear who probably wants to either sell you something, or does not understand how wax sign works. I've been over this before. ;)

So, when you get wax sign, it looks like something - the image will pop out at you immediately. Like, you walk over to your container where the candle has burnt down, and you go "Holy crap, it's shaped like a person!" or "Holy crap, that looks like a bunny!" (Here, can you see the shape that looks like an Easter bunny?)

How this is NOT done is by looking for a sign. See, it's not a Rorschach test. You are not seeking an image. If an image pops out at you the moment you come over, then yeah, that might mean something. If you're sitting there trying to decipher any possible image (which generally would be doing nothing other than projecting a sign where there is no sign,) don't expect your "findings" to be valid indication of any sign.

Remember what I always say about signs. If you seek signs, you project signs where they do not exist.

Q: What is the strongest spell for (named desire)?

A: The question as stated actually makes me shudder, lol, and also illustrates the querent's ignorance in regards to spellcasting in general. (Sorry, I had to say it.) :(

I'm sure I've actually gone over this, but for the last few months, I've been inundated with several questions JUST LIKE THE ABOVE from people who are too new to spellcasting (that's most of you,) too lazy to do their own research, too emotionally traumatized, too mentally unwell, too-willfully-ignorant, or are just self-entitled askholes lately, so let's go over this again. ;)

There is no "strongest love spell" that will suit all love situations. There is no strongest money spell that will suit all money situations. Heck, there's not even a strongest best curse, strongest best reconciliation spell, or any strongest type of any spell.

But why is that? Well...because without diagnosing the situation, without seeing all of the obstacles to manifestation (or trying to,) without choosing the best triggers for manifestion of the desired outcome, without taking into account all people who may be involved, without assessing the reasons this condition to be changed exists, and without taking into account several factors, one cannot choose the BEST spell for one's situation.

So, if you broke up with someone and want them back? Yep, the previous sentence is not enough information to know what spells would be best-suited to bringing back your lover.

Can't find a job? Well, without knowing why that is (are you unqualified? Is it a shrinking job sector? Are you living in an area where your desired profession is not in demand, etc) you won't be able to figure out which is the best job spell for your situation.

Want the best break up curse there is? Well, do you care if both parties of that couple get into legal trouble for having publicly had a physical altercation where both assaulted each other? Because that is a very good possibility if you use some break up curses as opposed to other break up curses.

Without extensive knowledge of the issue, there is no way someone can give you the BEST spells for your situation, and there is NO SUCH THING as a one-size-fits-all-problems-of-this-very-general-kind-of-problem spell. The only way to find the BEST spell is to look at the problem individually, and to judge how to change the situation to your (or the petitioner's) liking by using triggers which will bring about this desired outcome

So, there is no very general purpose, one size fits all for every similar problem, that's the strongest spell there is for that very-general type of problem, OK? Don't ask. The problem needs to be diagnosed and treated, much like an illness. :P

Q: I've read that you've said everyone has "noob-moments," yourself included, so can you tell me one?

A: I can and I will. :) Many years ago, when I was still but a girl and a still yet somewhat of a noob (hehe), I decided to use a spell where I would bring back an ex by trying to use his passion for me. I used A LOT OF RED, and A STRONG MARTIAN (Mars) INFLUENCE. Annnnd I kinda sorta didn't think about how like Mars isn't just about sexy-type passions, it's also a lot of war, and fighting, and anger is a passion, too. Yeah, no, I was thinking more about that man's sexy-lusty feelings for me, and not so much about the fact that we were FIGHTING ALL THE TIME ANYHOW!

(Yes, I'm using capitals to yell at my past self. Don't judge me.)

I started this spell on a Tuesday night, it was a relatively simple-set-up candle spell type of spell, used Mars symbols, herbs relating to Mars, the word passion, other sigils that meant passion, and of course this spell just went FAST. All spell-candles immediately melted like butter. I was done getting ready to go out in the maybe a half an hour to an hour it took to burn out. So, I think to myself "Cat's gonna get some! And he's gonna looooooove me!"

Anyhow, I didn't expect it to manifest immediately, but felt it would manifest quickly.

Days later (I think it was like 3-4 days later at most, - I may be misremembering as this was well-over a decade ago, and it may be the same night,) I saw my target. He was with a shared friend, and the shared friend and I were talking. Meanwhile, my target was SO RUDE, saying anything snarly and awful that he could during mine and our shared friend's conversation, and trying to pick a fight. Since I was young, and a bit thick back then (ask a few people I used to date, lol,) and not known for taking hints, I just kept talking to the shared friend while this guy who was my target acted the asshole. Finally, I had enough, and I was like "(Target's name,) what the fuck!? I'm seriously just like, talking here. Why don't you leave!?" Our shared friend (a female) was very upset and started to cry, fearing what would happen next (oh, and she was also drunk, lol.) The target says something really rude like "Whatever, cunt!" And I took his drunk ass by the shoulder, turned him around and nudged him towards the stairs, with the words "I said, just leave!" Unfortunately, in his drunkenness, he was clumsy, and he slipped down the stairs, grabbing my ankle, and this grab brought me tumbling down the stairs, too. Well, I'd had enough, and so I started swinging as we were rolling down these stairs to the bottom. When I started, he started swinging, too, all the way down the stairs, and out into the street below. He denies the ankle grab was intentional, and those present had said to me that it looked entirely intentional.

This was the time I beat the ass of a 6'3" man (I'm 5'2 2/3") who was a semi-pro running back, definitely not weak, to my 105 lbs when soaking wet tiny self. I beat him up in front of everyone on a Friday night, on the most popular party street of my college's town, so that pretty much everyone who went to my relatively-small college watched as he had his ass kicked by a little girl, and then, when I bested him (you bet I made him admit he was beat before I let him go,) he went running home crying, screaming "You bitch, you cunt!" the whole way, and sobbing. He later denied he even fought back, to which I showed him my bruises. Yes, we're still friends, lol, though we were not for awhile after that.

I can't remember if I ever got into a physical altercation after that (at least never for any other reason but self-defense, and even then I'm unsure I did fight ever after that,) but seeing as I was 20-21 when this happened, and about too old to get into fights anyhow, and that I don't think I'll ever best that (OMG, that guy was a foot taller and totally muscular, and I BEAT HIS ASS!) I have often said that this was the moment I retired from fist-fighting. I'll just never do better than that.

However, as you can see, I had used WAY WAY WAY TOO MUCH Mars energy, and it would seem the passions that I enflamed that night just happened to be the passions that were our anger and resentment towards each other, combined with our desire to fight each other physically - a desire we both wisely had repressed until my asshattery and over use of Mars' influence opened that up in both of us. Mind you, this guy is super super nice, this is entirely out of character for him (and totally was at the time, too,) he doesn't hit girls (never heard of him doing it before or after,) and I'd still, to this day, tell you that he is a big sweetie. Oh, and that I kicked his monkey-ass! I made him my bitch in the street! Hells, yeah! (I'm proud of it, hehe.)

Oh....and you should know...this was the third time a Mars-energy-laden spell ended up being "passionate" in a war-like way for me. Also, it was the last time I ever did use Mars for passion...at least in such a strong way.

Wasn't I a silly noob? (Who also kicked ass!)

The noobishness here is that I was blind to how over-use of a Mars influence could easily turn into war and fighting...when Mars is the God of War. :P Yeah, oh, and third time's a charm, because the previous 2 times to this episode that I'd used a lot of Mars influence on a love sitch, it ended in a shoving match, each time started by the target.

I will say this one "failed." I didn't reconcile the guy with that spell. It did produce an effect, just obviously not a reconciliatory one. So, second noob problem? I used Mars-energy (Mars being the god of war) for reconciliation (reconciliation should not be equated with war.) What a dummy I was sometimes, huh? ;)

Q: Can I use a used cigarette butt for a personal item?

A: Yes, definitely. I tend to use these mostly for things which involve getting a person to speak up, or getting a gossip to have their gossip turn against them. If it involves speech, or the mouth, it's a wonderful personal item. It can be used for other uses as well, but that's my primary use of this item.

Q: If I crack an egg for cooking purposes, and it has blood in it, is this a bad sign?

A: If you've not used this item ritually, it's probably not anything mystical whatsoever. It's just gross. :P What happened is that egg was probably fertilized before it got in your fridge. Ick. However, if you are concerned, you should try taking a spiritual bath for cleansing off bad energies. If you continue to experience bad luck, you may want to try spiritually cleansing your home with a floor wash (many can be used on walls as well,) and taking a cleansing bath for 7 straight days.

HOWEVER, it's probably just a bad egg. It happens. :/

Q: Will you ever write a book?

A: I'd love to. What needs to happen is that I need to take a sabbatical from work to do that, and have enough money for said sabbatical. ;) I do have a few half-finished manuscripts, but after writing the same stuff over and over, it gets a bit tired to write about it in my spare time in book form. Sooooo, if I had like 3 months off of work? You bet I would write a book! :D

Q: Why are you such a bitch sometimes? I mean, someone who helps people should never ever be bitchy or angry or react sourly to anything or anyone, regardless of that person or thing's behavior, right?

A: Hmm, why is it I get to be a bitch sometimes? It's probably from dealing with people who assume I should do my job for free, people who don't follow posted protocol (and get offended or contrary when asked to,) or who spend 5 days telling me I'm a cunt because I refused their case, or maybe it's because I also have a life outside of my job which, just like yours, gets pretty shitty sometimes.

So, let me ask you - why are you such a bitch sometimes? Feel free to let me know. :) I think we're all bitches and assholes and jerks and fuckfaces and assclowns now and again...myself included. If you can't bear that I have imperfect moments, or that I might react with hostility after being antagonized for several days, then you shouldn't expect me to be understanding when you have your imperfect moments. We're all human beings...except maybe that guy in the corner...he might be a pod person. (That pod person thing was sarcasm.) ;)

Oh, and I answer this one a lot. Really, everyone, is it such a mystery why I might be dark, snarky, or react in anger when mistreated? I'm not a robot or a pod person. Please stop pretending to be surprised when I am a human like you who has friends, a family, problems that aren't your business, problematic clients, problematic wanna-be clients, a life outside of work, and who likes to be paid to do her job, and etc. I'm a human and not infallible. Accept it, please.

Hope that was helpful! It would be really nice if some of you took the time to do things like read the Questions You've Asked Me archives. Please check that out before contacting me. :)

~Cat

This work - both text and images, - is copyrighted and cannot be copied, pasted, or in any way used without my express written permission. :)

Eulogy for Shea

Hi Occulties,

I know I promised a Questions You've Asked Me article by today. It's even sitting here almost finished and I've not touched it. I was in fact chatting with RO today when I got some terrible news. A dear friend of mine had passed away.

I would not say I am often an eloquent woman, and perhaps no words I can speak on her behalf would do her justice, but I do know she would not care if I was inelegant, but would rather care more than I would just say how I cared, and mean each word, so Shea, this is for you.

If I never told you that I knew you felt things more deeply than most of us, I'm sorry. It's one thing I always knew about you. It's something I always loved in you, and will continue to, always. You never once made me doubt you were on my side, and you always seemed to understand everything I told you. I have had some true friends, but only a few, and you were one, and one of the shinier gems I've found in this world.

Your love of anime, our shared fear of spiders (including the one that held us hostage so we could not ever get to graphic design class - ew furry jumpy spider!!!) all the times we got dressed up in my formal dresses and pointed and laughed at anyone who dare point and laugh at two ladies dressed so fine and so fabulously are all things I remember about you fondly. There were drinks, there were boys, there was late night dancing, and we were never too far off from our next adventure. I know there were sad times, times we cried or felt like giving up, but my memories involve wild shenanigans and so much laughter that the sad times are more of a shadow than a memory.

You are irreplaceable, indescribable, and so wonderful. I can never be thankful enough for having been someone important in your life, because knowing you has been a gift.

On an old photo in facebook, maybe a year or so old, you call me your beautiful angel. It would seem you got that one thing backwards. You left me first, so it is me who has a beautiful angel, and that, my beloved friend, is you.

Rest well, Shea-Shay. I love you more than words can express.

~Cat

"But when you come and all the flowers are dying
If I am dead, as dead I well may be
You'll come and find the place where I am lying
And kneel and say an 'Ave' there for me

"And I shall hear the soft heel tread above me
And all my rest will warmer, sweeter be
For you will kneel and tell me that you love me
And I shall sleep in peace until you come to me." -from Danny Boy

Since it will be asked of me, the above was taken when I was 22-23, and Shea is 21. We're at a bar called Jigger's that went out of business a long time ago but which was a truly kickass establishment. While I'm sure we probably are both drunk or getting there, it was a dark bar, and every picture of anyone I have seen from that place or personally have had for myself, everyone's eyes are as big as dinner plates. At Jiggers, they served strong cocktails in pint-glasses, so no one really had to do more than drink there. Your liver started crying the moment you started down the stairs. ;)