Cat's Rants - Confessions of an Occult Mastermind

Hex for Someone who Has Betrayed your Trust

Hey Occulties,

Now for something more exciting and not inspired by the people who don’t read the archives. 🤪

This is a spell to specifically work on a friend or confidant who has revealed your secrets or spoken falsely (in a bad way,) about you. If you trusted someone to remain discreet or if they posed as your friend only to be revealed as anything but that (since the true test of a friend is what they say when you’re not around,) this is the spell for you. 

You will need:
A lemon
Cayenne pepper
Animal dung
Broccoli buds
Heavy black thread or twine
A knife
A strong needle (an upholstery needle works well,)
A scrap of unused paper with all the edges torn (not cut) off
A black-inked marker or pen
An object which has touched the target’s mouth (such as a piece of napkin, straw, or cigarette butt)

Using your black-inked pen, write the target’s name nine times, once per line as such:
Firstname Lastname
Firstname Lastname
Firstname Lastname
Firstname Lastname(etc 5 more times, replacing the word firstname with their first name and lastname with their last name,) then turn the paper a quarter turn and write the command “Everything you say smells and sounds like shit” across this nine times to create a sort of grid with the name and the command. Fold the paper in half once, taking care to fold it up and not towards you, now fold the paper up again, still not folding towards you but upwards. Set this aside. Cut a small slit out of your lemon, - just a sliver and so not cut the lemon all the way through, place your personal item, your name paper, some broccoli and that dung into the slit. Now keeping your target in your mind’s eye sew the slit shut by stitching 9 x’s with your thread, and each time you make the x shape, say “(Full name of target,) every word you speak smells and sounds like shit until you take back all your lies and no person believes any secrets of mine you have told,” and when you say this the ninth time and stitched the final X shape to seal the slit (still keeping your target’s image in your mind’s eye,) say “as is my will, so be it!” Take the item and leave it in an abandoned or undeveloped property off of- and to the east of- your property. And walk away without looking back. 

I’m sure there will be questions, so please ask! 

~Cat

Curse for an Oath or Vow Breaker

Hey kids,

While PayPal is still banned in a fun move of events, we have identified the reddit stalker. It's good to have connections. It's also going to cost this person thousands per post as they agreed to in their contract ($3000 per libelous or defamatory post, several are the same person pretending to be other people, we've got them nailed by IP, so that's false and libel and they are fucked), lmao. So it's a good day. That doesn't really stop my Nigerian stalker from stalking me (he's so fucking awful - I almost refused to work with him this most recent time because he's a sociopath only interested in himself and money, but I stupidly did not listen to that inner voice people pay to talk to,) but it does feel nice to be owed thousands by both idiots who don't read the fine print. 

And that, my lovies, brings us to our topic today - contracts and enforcing them with magic. Did you know that this is a very common practice in days of old? You did not break an oath then actually think there would be no consequences or an over tired pencil pusher might overlook your mistakes back then. These days people just think they can get away with it, but these days we are a lot less likely to be burned at the stake for using magic, hehe. So be careful, read the fine print, and also make sure you make a contract when working with others.

Now the modern person might say "But Cat, no one reads that stuff they just click and accept." And I would say, "Possibly, which still doesn't change that they claim that they read and they definitely agreed to those terms. Ignorance, especially willful ignorance, isn't a defense." Because regardless of if they know what they agreed to or not, once they agree to the contract, magic can enforce it.

You will need:
A copy of your contract, signed if possible, but if electronically signed, it still works
A full-body image of the defaulting person
A full name
Goofer dust
A coffin shaped box (honestly an oblong wooden box works, as well)
Several black candles, chime candles are perfect. 
A permanent paint marker or black marker with red or black ink

Place the hard copy of your contract beneath the box on your altar. Put some goofer dust into the coffin, then lay the image inside and say "(name of target,) I demand you to hold up your contract, and if you fail to do so, your whole life, and all you hold dear be taken from you!" Now pour a bit of goofer dust over the image and shut the lid. In your own words tell the person (well while you're speaking to the coffin, heh,) what they must do, then say "(name of target,) until you do this I curse you to lose all you hold dear, your whole life, and all those things you'd keep near!" Now light a candle at the head of the coffin and one at the feet, and inscribe the lid with the first initial of their name. Allow these candles to burn out. The next day repeat this process except now put the second letter in their first name. You will repeat this process until you've inscribed their full name on the coffin, or they have done what you want. Should you inscribe their full name, then take the coffin and bury it in the graveyard. Don't expect them to hold their contract if you've put the full name on the coffin, but they probably won't be very healthy much longer.

This only works for those people who have a contract with a client. It won't work in matters of the heart. 

Happy Hexing!

~Cat

 

Spell to Make an Enemy Annoying to Others

Hey occulties,

I'm still working on my contest entries but the contest is over. I should be alerting my winners in the next day or two. Sorry to be a slug there. We are still fighting the massive shitstorm of "holy crap how much do we own anyway?" that cleaning out our storage has given us. PLUS, for reasons known only to those doing it, people are very eagerly taking up lots of time and then disappearing. it's very annoying to ask me about services then just drop off of the face of the planet. So if you want work, please do not do that. If you don't want work or missed all that convenient pricing info and feel I should personally go over it with you, and are just taking up my time, I really do not have any to spare right now. Because storage was so much more full of ritual supply than I realized, I've saved people over $3500 already on services and business is bangin, and my floor space is expanding (thank you for buying stuff so I don't disappear in a sea of ritual supplies, haha.) Annnnnd if you are not paying business, I definitely am going to have you waiting for a bit. I need to take care of the paying stuff first. 

Anyhow, I know you're all eager for a nice little curse. This one will require gloves and caution, so please kindly use both to save yourself some misery. 

You will need:
Rubber/latex disposable gloves (like those used by medical staff or even those used in food service)
Some strong scissors or pruning shears, 
Rubbing alcohol (or even nailpolish remover) 
Cotton balls or paper towels
Poison ivy 
A personal item from your target with a stronger connection than a photo (a hair, a nail clipping, some blood, - something from their body)
A larger sized skull candle in red (so not the cute tea light sized ones but more like the size of a grapefruit) 
Cayenne or chipotle pepper (ground) 
Black arts oil 
Mosquitoes (dead - or any flying and annoying bug works - especially if it bites - if you can't smack down a few mosquitoes)
Pins (like those used for tailoring or dressmaking)
A large sheetcake tin
Sand (a lot of sand. No, not dirt, but sand, and never potting soil...sand like the stuff at the beach.) 

This spell is best done on a Tuesday

I have gone over how to load a skull candle for your enemy here - loosely, you want to place the personal item in the candle and name the candle for the target. Do this first. Then, pour your sand into your sheet cake tin, and place the candle on top of this for the moment. Now, USING GLOVES, trim a few poison ivy leaves and DO NOT LET THIS TOUCH YOUR SKIN AND DO NOT TOUCH THE OILS ON IT OR GET THE OILS ON ANYTHING (I'd bring along a freezer zipper bag,) but use your pruning shears just to be sure this nasty plant doesn't touch you, being sure to wipe your shears down with alcohol or nail polish remover when returning home before touching them, then washing them thoroughly. Keep your gloves on during the prep stage. 

Using a pin (or if you want to throw it out after using it, a marker), scratch "(Full name of target,) you annoy and repel all those around you" on FIVE leaves of poison ivy for a total of five times (once per leaf,) and pin each leaf to the skull candle using THREE pins, (leave the pins in throughout the spell.) Liberally add black arts oil (I just pour several drops on, but you may want to use an eye dropper,) and sprinkle the candle with the pepper. Now sprinkle the dead insects on the candle.

You will want to burn this away from pets and avoid inhaling the fumes as they can cause injury. If you have a garage I strongly recommend a place such as that.

Holding your hands on either side of the candle, envision your enemy and see him/her being hated and turned away, their loved ones arguing with them, and just concentrate like this for a few a moments, trying to send this image into the candle. Even if you don't feel like you can send energy, the focusing helps. Now light the candle, being very careful to avoid the fumes. Say, "(Full name of enemy, you are detested by all and cause everyone anger and pain and disgust just by your mere proximity. You are Esau and I am Jacob, for I am loved and you are hated! I curse you to be detestable to all and even to your family, your dearest friends and yourself, - as is my will, so be it!" 

Now allow the candle to burn out. When it has, carefully collect the sand (may want gloves again), and leave the sand in a pile in a crossroads, not looking back at the remains when you leave them.

Hope that was educational, - you know where to find me if you need me! 

~Cat

Simple Technique to Disturb and Disrupt an Enemy's Life

Hey Occulties,

Just a quickie today. So this is pretty simple. Find a graveyard which is preferably an older graveyard. Find a tombstone which has a bush or a tree which brushes against it. Even some high grass is fine, so long as when the wind blows, it's going to rub that stone. Most newer graveyards will be difficult to find this but an older one is more untended and tends to have a low tree branch or some bramble that scrapes against a stone often.

Take 3 hairs from the head of your enemy, and tie these to that branch or stalk and and as you tie it on, say to the person who's grave it is "(Name of deceased,) know that (enemy's name) calls to you!" Now rub the branch or stalk against the stone taking care not to touch it and repeat "(Name of deceased,) know that (enemy's name) calls to you!" two more times. Now stand straight and say "Best go find (name of enemy,) as your presence is requested." And leave the graveyard without looking back. 

I recommend taking a route that travels over running water on your way back, and taking a cleansing bath when you arrive home. 

Your enemy should have a few sleepless nights (or more than a few.) :D

~Cat

To Get a Debt Repaid

Hey Occulties,

So, there are NO FREE SERVICES, - no free readings, recastings, or spells. Also, I have FIVE BUSINESS DAYS to reply to you and if you complain prior to that about something being late, I may just fire you. If both types don't like that, I don't like freebie gougers, and Mr NinjaCat is the only person on the planet who can nag me and have it work out in his favor about half of the time, so none of you should be nagging me at all. If there is any more of that crap, everyone can expect my schedule to free right the fck up when I fire those people. Here's a picture of me giving a dirty look while finishing wrapping stuff just so you know I mean business. 

Now that we've established I'm serious about no free stuff and that I hate wrapping things (haha) and not to nag me, let's get on with something a bit more fun. So a few people have asked me to post a spell to collect on a personal loan. Now, I want to first stipulate that you loaned them money (not that you paid them or gave it to them and changed your mind,) and secondly that the person must be able to pay you! Do not even bother trying to use this on someone who can't afford anything, much less afford to pay you back...but if you lent the money and the person seems pretty flush with cash and you are pretty sure they could pay you something, try this...

You will need:
Dirt from the grave of a thief*
Dirt from in front of a police station
Dirt from a court or jail
A jar
Red pepper
A piece of clothing or an image of the person who owes the debt
A scrap of paper
Black thread (whole spool)
Black candles 
Controlling oil 

Best done on a Tuesday or Saturday.

On your scrap of paper write the target's full name on one side, and on the reverse write "Devils torment you until you pay me all you owe" on the other side. Wrap the scrap of worn (NOT WASHED) clothing around this, OR if using an image, with the image side facing in and the blank side facing out, wrap the image around this. Now using your thread, wrap this with the entire spool of thread. If that is a ridiculous amount of thread, maybe go get a smaller spool. :P As you wrap this with the spool of thread, see your target tormented and sleepless and worried, as you say "(Full name of target,) you promised me you would return (amount) owed to me, and yet I have nothing in my wallet where that money should be, so devils torment you until you pay it in full to me," and keep repeating this until you've wrapped it in that whole spool, then secure the thread by tying a knot, and as you tie the knot, say "as is my will, so it be." 

Place this into your jar, and then place the police station dirt on top of it (also inside the jar,) and say "The police torment you until you repay me." Now place the court or jail dirt in, and say "Judges and juries torment you until you repay me," now place the thief's dirt into it and say "and may name of thief/or "the spirit of (name of thief)" torment you until he/she steals it back and gives it to me or you repay me!" Now put in about a tablespoon or two of red pepper and say "The fire burns you and your mind torments you until you repay me!" Stir this around - I use those free chopsticks from a noodle place but you can use whatever you have so long as you don't intend on eating with it ever again if it's a utensil, - and as you stir say "(Full name of target,) devils torment you and you have no rest nor any peace until you repay me what you owe me" - and say that NINE TIMES (just from Full name, devils torment, etc. not the whole jar chant,) and after the ninth time as you cap the jar and say "as is my will, so it be!"

Shake the jar up with NINE shakes, then place this on an altar you use ONLY for curse type work.  If you don't have a cursing altar, then work this on a surface which you never ever use for spellcasting.  

Now anoint a black candle with controlling oil and roll this in some of that red pepper, and, keeping the mental image of your target in your mind's eye, light the candle, secure it to the lid of the jar and say: "(Full name of target), the police, judges, juries, thieves, and devils all pursue you and torment you, giving you no peace nor rest until you repay (amount owed) to me! As is my will, so it be!" and let the candle burn out. Burn a candle once a week on this jar (or three times a week, being Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday,) until the debt is paid. 

When you no longer need the jar, open the lid and dump the dirt out away from your home. I recommend throwing the jar out in a public trash bin.

Happy Hexing!! :) 

~Cat

*People are going to say to me "Cat, how the fuck do I know who's a thief? For fuck's sake, what do I look like? Some sort of historian?" And you'd be right to think like that, because of course it's not always easy to know those things. Instead, if you know a thief, and you don't like graveyards because you are scared of awesome dead people like some of you are (and there's lots of awesome people buried in graveyards who are much more helpful in death, but I get that many of you are squeamish,) then get dirt from the foot track or the yard of someone you know to be a big stinky thief. We all know these people. Like they'd steal the dentures right out of their own grandmomma's mouth. Go get dirt from there instead. They aren't dead but they still have thief energy so it works. 

 

 

 

Cat Teaches You How to Deal with Chargeback Creeps

Hey occulties,

So, some readers asked do I do anything special to fraudsters who attempt chargebacks, and the answers there may surprise you. For many years, I honestly did not really do much. There have always been scammers but the vast majority were just psychos and at the time PayPal protected sellers better and that was all I used for many years, so it was a headache to lose money for a day or so, but the clown attempting theft was left with no refund either way. But some years ago this absolute cunt went and paid me half of what the cost of the service was, never paid the other half, charged me back, and then had the audacity to thank me as the spell was manifesting wonderfully...and the chargeback method she used, despite my having proof she had lied and stolen, was apparently beyond PayPal's means to retrieve my half-paid sum (I realized I'd never get the other half.) I'd had enough. So now, yeah, I definitely have some measures in place and not just those nifty HUGE FINES you will pay for being a lowlife thief who just did the same thing as stealing money out of my pocket. 

So, keep in mind, once you invite a person to cast a spell on you, you give away all or most protections against them working on you, and that's not all... There is also a reason in Hoodoo why we expect to be paid for our work, because to not pay us would leave you in debt to us in a spiritual fashion and it is considered "bad luck" by some Hoodooists to not give some form of payment for the service rendered or that it will leave you vulnerable to the person who cast the spell...as you are now in debt to them and they may collect however they see fit. So what do you think STEALING from a Hoodooist you paid to do work does? 

And like I said, I took some measures out in my own work that will cancel the work and actively turn into a curse if someone does a chargeback. So if you wanted me to do a success spell for you, and you're succeeding nicely in your job, then you think you'll just steal that payment back, you will suddenly find yourself being detested by your boss and looking at losing your job. Wanted that ex back? Everything was getting back together and now you take that money back, and find when you get home that your ex packed all their stuff into a UHaul while you're at work. This is something I put on most workings now. It's insurance. If you try to harm me, all that was done for you turns against you. And keep in mind, the working is for MALICIOUS intents, not someone had a bank error or their card was stolen and it reversed the payment to me by mistake, - it only works on someone who stole or intentionally broke contract.

But I realize not everyone is casting spells for a living, and I wanted to bring you something easy that you can do if you get a little fraudster chargeback scumbag of your own. It's not that hard to do. You will need the person's full name and some personal details that might be difficult if you work at say, a hardware store or something (and there is a good reason only five people on this planet - two of them related by blood, two by former marriage, and one by being my awesome life partner and possibly by marriage soon, - know my real total full name, - it gives someone great power over you,) but people tend to be very careless with personal information, so I bet you can find it out.

You will need:
Pieces of broken mirror
Nine nails
Nine pins
Nine needles
Dog poop*
Red pepper
Lemon juice
A jar
Black candles
The receipt or invoice for the charged back service
The chargeback notice
An image or personal item from the target
Death Unto My Enemy or Black Arts oil
Intranquility Oil
Patchouli Leaf
A red-inked marker or pen (not water soluble, - I strongly recommend Sharpies)
Black thread or black electrical tape

Take your receipt and your chargeback notice (clearly you will need to print this out,) and write the target's full name on each nine times, saying "(Full name of target,) until you return this money to me, I curse you and destroy you and multiply the curse's power each day three times three times three," with each time you write the target's name out, so that will be nine times for each item, a total of eighteen times. Across this write, "cursed until my money is returned to me," nine times on each document, and as you write it (or right after you write it if that is easier) each time, say "Just as St Dismas was forgiven at the crucifixion when he repented his evils, so will you be freed when you return my money to me, (full name of target,) but shall have no rest nor any peace until you return that which you have stolen from me." Now place the documents on on top of the other, and place the target's personal item in the center. Add a few drops of each of your oils into the center of the pile. Liberally sprinkle patchouli and red pepper over them and then fold them up all together as tightly as possible and wrap them in the black thread or tape, wrapping away from you, not towards. place this into the jar, then dropping your pins and needles and nails into the jar in threes (so you will say this a total of nine times,) say "(Full name of target,) until you return this money to me, I curse you and destroy you and multiply the curse's power each day three times three times three," each time as you drop a set of three nails/pins/needles. Add patchouli leaves and red pepper and a bit of doggy poo, and broken mirror shards, and as you add these items I usually ad lib this part but it is slightly complicated because I will say some specific things which are important to the working, but would also require my readership to have relationships with specific entities so instead you might say something like** "(Name of Target,) who (name of mother,) bore, who came into this world on the day of (birthdate,) and who now lives at (address,) your life stinks of shit, any attack you send to me is now reflected back and even the iron in you blood turns sharp as knives with the hounds of hell forever at your heels until your cursed self return the money you have stolen from me. You are hated and reviled and all you love turns against you until you repay the debt for the money you have taken from me having failed to get my consent to have it given." Now you pour in lemon juice to fill it, and you cap the jar. Shake the jar nine times and say "(full name of target,) return the money stolen from me!" each time you shake that jar.

Now comes the fun part and I bet you thought that was the fun part. :) 

Anoint a candle with Intranquility and DUME or Black Arts oil, and secure this to the lid of your jar using some drippings from the candle (this is to be repeated every Saturday, Tuesday and Thursday until you are repaid or you just get sick of cursing the everloving fuck out of this person because, trust me, it's going to hurt a long, long time even if you get bored of hurting them,) and allow the candle flame to stabilize. Now hold your hands on either side of the candle and say "(Full name of Target) who (mother's name) bore on the day of (birthdate) who lives at (address,) I curse you until you return that which you stole from me, I curse you until you repent and return that which you have taken from me, and this curse comes stronger with each passing minute you wait to return what is mine, and you shall never be released from it having any attempt to remove it to only make it reflect stronger upon you, only to be released from this as St Dismas was redeemed when he repented his ill deeds, then when you have returned my money, so shall you be released from this curse, but not before. As is my will, so be it!!" Allow the candle to burn itself out and clear off the wax drippings when it has done so. 

Keep in mind, this is a real doozy of a curse. This isn't something to go out and do over like $5 or something. It's very very very harsh. It also isn't really effective for money OWED. It's for money taken from you. So if I borrow ten million trillion dollars from you, and then I don't pay you back, this isn't that I stole the money from you, I did not take it unwillingly out of your account. This only works when the money has been unwillingly taken from you. If you paid it over and expected it back, that's another spell entirely. If you bought something and didn't like it and wanted a refund you also would need a different spell. This is for thieves.

I'm sure there will be questions so feel free to contact me here - and if the page is down then I probably am moving hosts and it will be back up in an hour or two. :) 

~Cat

*Preferably strange dog poo, not your dog's poo. While it shouldn't hurt the dog who left the poo where the poo is whatsoever to use this poo, when I curse, I do not use anything from my own animals.

**This is why I said you need to know a lot about the person, as you want to really call the spirits surrounding where they are. I am thinking you could possibly omit the mother's name in these parts but you will want an address, a total full name, and a date of birth.

Sweet Justice!!

Good morning, Occulties,

So, I'm glad to have a client story to share this morning, and not only was it a welcome read (because Mercury decided to retrograde all over me before 9am, ha!) I'm even more grateful I was given permission to share. Names are all changed, of course.

Sometime around February, my client found that her soon to be ex had been maxed her credit card out by taking cash out...which is one of many reasons he's her ex. When she confronted Mr Jackass (not his real name) he replied that there was very little she could do about it as no court was going to uphold that he didn't have permission to use her credit cards as they had been together for 8 years, and he'd used them multiple times over 8 years without her ever complaining. Mind you, it wasn't as if she had a huge credit line, so what is it he had bought? 

He had bought his side chick some new boobs is what he bought. :P And no, ladies and gentlemen, this wasn't reconstructive surgery after breast cancer - there is no hero aspect here, despite the cheating - it was that she was sick of being a B cup. 

Understandably my client was livid. She had suspected the cheating, but wasn't sure, and now she was going to be paying off this girl's boobs because that cheating asshole broke up with her for "being such a bitch" about the money. Even worse, she wasn't the breadwinner to begin with, so technically, he could have paid using his own money, but now she's stuck with the bill and her household income is more than halved. 

I've heard some crazy stuff in my day, but as you can imagine, this was inline to be one of the craziest damn things I ever heard. So she wanted her money back, and she wanted revenge. We started by breaking the "happy couple" up. This wasn't difficult. Ms Newbobies was not really too interested in my client's ex, but if he was dumb enough to spend all that money on her and get her new boobies, she wasn't going to say no. When he told her he might have to move in for a short time, Ms Newboobies didn't like that, and within a few weeks she had him move right out. Now Mr Jackass had very few options. His surviving parent lived three states away and he was an only child. 

He tried to rent, but with the real estate boom, it was hard to find a rental. He was losing so much money on a hotel room that he wasn't really sure what to do, and mysteriously the hours at his job got cut back (it's not mysterious, we totally cursed him, haha,) and his friends, having heard all about Ms Newboobies, really didn't want him staying with them...they considered him (quite rightly) a thief. Finding himself friendless and alone, and with his resources rapidly dwindling, he reached out to my client and literally BEGGED HER to let him stay with her. Having seen the text messages, the man was clearly beyond desperate.

Of course, she didn't really want him around, because...well, um, look what he did. So she told him if he paid her credit card off, she would consider letting him stay. He told her he wasn't sure he could afford that, what with that he'd lost so much money but he'd see what he could do. So he sends her about half the amount. She says "Well that is only going to pay a third of what you owe because the interest is crazy when you take out cash on this card." He says he can't give her more because then he won't have enough to pay his hotel bill, but that he could pay her back if he just could stay with her. 

Now at this point I suggest to her that she should have him put something worth money in her name as collateral. All we could think of was his car. So she tells him if he signs his car over to her - and it was a 2019 Lexus (I do not know the model) - then she will let him stay. Of course he balked at the idea, but she said she only wants it as collateral as he's done her dirty, and it's the only way she will believe he's sincere in paying her back. She has a car, but it's like a 2014 Ford of some kind, and so when he does sign over this Lexus to her, she says well OK, you can stay. I was surprised by this, but he comes back, and she doesn't speak much to him, but she lets him sleep on the couch. When he goes to take his car to work in the morning, she says no, you can take my Ford but I'm not letting you take my Lexus. He fusses with her, he argues, and she says "Fine, take the bus because if you take either car now, I'm going to call the police and tell them you are trying to steal my car." 

Well, he took the bus, and when he comes into work they tell him they don't need him anymore. He's fired. At least that's what he told my client. We aren't sure but both agree he probably just quit or had been fired. :P He calls her from a nearby business and asks if she can pick him up and says he got fired. She asks why did you get fired? And he claims well because when he took the bus he was late so he got fired. She says she isn't about to let someone with no job stay with her. So after a fair amount of arguing, he spends the whole day looking for a job - any job, - and when he finally makes it home he swears he has a job.... at Taco Bell.

That's right, he's working at a Taco Bell according to him. This man had been working at a banking type job, and now he's serving you chalupas, so it wasn't exactly a step up. AND we weren't sure that he was working at Taco Bell.

She says, alright, and she lets him sleep on the couch. For about 2 weeks, he's coming and going and acting like he has a job. Meanwhile she's driving to her job in a shiny Lexus. Well, she gets a notice in the mail that the payment for that Lexus is due. She confronts him and says "This is your car loan, and why aren't you paying it?" He says well he doesn't make enough to pay it, and for all he cares they can come take that car since he wasn't getting to use it." So she tells him he can't take the Ford into work, and take the bus again.

Now he thinks she's just "punishing" him, and he goes on the bus that day. She had paid off her Ford so she sells the Ford before he even gets home. Now she's only got one car, and it's the Lexus...which he signed over to her. He about goes off the rails, so she kicks him out and gets a restraining order against him. Now he's got no car, and no place to live, and she's paid off that card with the money she made, and is driving around in a relatively new Lexus.

Oh, but it gets better.... After about a month of not hearing from him, a friend tells her that he's moved back with his surviving parent three states away, but not before telling anyone he could that his "crazy evil bitch ex" (my client) had destroyed his life, and he had nothing to show for it, not even the side piece he bought boobs for. So somewhere in around this time, Ms Newboobies reaches out to my client, and she says she feels badly because she found out that my client paid for her boobies, and that Mr Jackass had only "paid back maybe half" and she wouldn't wrong another woman. She sends her a check for $2000, which she admits is less than what was paid, but all she can spare, and hopes it will cover the difference. 

So, my client came out with extra money, a Lexus, and my client's ex is destitute and jobless and moved three states away. Perfect!

That's one hell of a story. Thank you for letting me tell it! 

~Cat

Myth VS Reality

Hey Occulties,

Today, I'd like to discuss "wrong ideas" people get in their heads about spellwork, the occult, etc., which this is not really going to be a finite list or near to it, but definitely some of the things I currently see all too often. So in no numbered order, here are some myths that people need to stop believing:

Myth: I'm a "born witch!" By the virtue of being born and liking the moon and spooky things, I'm instantly magical!

Reality: This would be like saying you're a born brain surgeon because you think brains look cool, and then walking into an operating theater, and operating on someone's brain without ever having a single class in medicine or even a degree. You'd probably kill your patient. Or maybe you're a born engineer - never studied it for a single day, but you were born an engineer, so you start building a skyscraper, and it's hugely unstable and kills many people. But that's OK, because you were born naturally gifted with expertise without study or practice, right? 

That's what you sound like when you say you're naturally a witch. While I'd say some people will have more success and they might be gifted with an innate talent for magic, without years of practice and study, you are not a witch, or a sorcerer, or magician. Liking spooky stuff, the moon, or dressing goth does not have any relevance to your ability to cast spells whatsoever. On that note, stop posting "signs you're a natural witch," as anyone with even the slightest iota of a background in the occult is making fun of you behind your back if you do, and certainly would not take you seriously for some time after posting such a thing. It may surprise you, but I actually know a great deal of magicians who look more like a soccer mom than something from a B-horror movie.

Myth: Love spells are "evil" and "unethical."

Reality: I suppose it is not my place to dictate what you or anyone else finds repugnant or inappropriate. And since I'm writing this out for my class (and I hear it from the members of the peanut gallery every time I run a class on love spells,) I might as well say it here... For starters, MOST people who say that love spells are unethical also believe that people can create "love zombies" and/or can successfully do a working in which beautiful people (generally women) will instantly get into position for a sexual encounter, regardless of where they are, and having never met the practitioner by the practitioner just using some sort of mystical chant or something (and yes, if you're curious, people who think this type of working exists generally are Incels.)

The reality is that even if you're quite good at love workings, that if the relationship is not compatible, it will eventually fall apart. I liken it to breaking a lamp. The first time you break it and glue it back together, you can't even tell you broke it. The 5th time you break it and glue it back together, it's hugely unstable and looks awful. The seventh time you break it, you can't even get it to hold together. I mean, I understand, sometimes you'd be great together, except this one thing that seems trivial to you. He doesn't like your job, or she doesn't think she can move to Pittsburgh and long distance isn't working. So you change your job, and you try to entice her to move to Pittsburgh with offers of everything she ever wanted and more, and it still keeps hitting a wall. And if it DOES keep hitting a wall, there does come a time to give up. If you love that person or ever did, you will want to. If you just want to "win" you will keep going until nothing you can do magically can convince them to ever come back. So if love zombies existed (people that are your slave because you put a spell on them,) drawing them to you would be all you ever had to do. There would be no return to me spellwork needed. But, nope, that's not how it works. You're working on a human being, and that human being never stops being capable of having their own motives, or making their own decisions. I'm not saying that you can't really do some impressive work on them and see very clear and visible proof of your own ability to influence them with your spellwork - definitely you can, - I'm saying that at the heart of it all, they are still themselves (so you won't change their core personality,) and are still capable of taking actions and making decisions that you may not like. Clearly, they could not be your "puppet" or "zombie" then. You can't "force" them to be with you and stay with you, you are using spells to create a situation where you can nurture love or restore your relationship, you are influencing them to be desiring you or staying with you or returning with you - but if you do nothing in the mundane to keep the relationship working, or if you are not compatible, they will eventually leave. 

The idea that it is conniving and evil can also sprout from the idea that influencing another with the use of magic is inherently wrong (though surprisingly no one cares about influencing someone to hire you for a job, it's just in regards to love.) Well, I'm fine with people feeling this way, it's when they get up on a soapbox and criticize others...because the reality is that all of us are sneaky and use many non-magical things to persuade a desired mate to want to get naked with us and love us, and these people who criticize the use of magic are doing those sneaky things too. I mean, when I met Mr NInjaCat, he himself would admit that my gigantic knockers played a part in me catching his eye and coming to speak with me. I was wearing a low cut shirt, too, and I was not and am not unaware that wearing a low cut top can attract the eyes of men. Is this a magical power? While I'd love to tell you that I have magical titties (because that would be hilarious,) the reality is that I was using my figure to influence men to speak to me. In fact, the way men and women dress is them influencing others around them to perceive them in a certain manner, so if you feel badly about influencing people, I suppose, you pretty much should only show yourself from the chin up and through video probably at this point, so we have no idea of what you're wearing. And when I'd been dating Mr NinjaCat for about a week, he hid a rose in the kitchen the night before that I would find when I got up for work. This is also a form of influence. He's leaving me pointless gifts so that I know he is thinking about me and wants me to smile, which is going to make me start feeling love feelings (instead of just lust, because Mr NC was FINE AF and I would be lying to say my attraction to him did not start almost entirely based on lust.) So I guess we can say you cannot buy any gifts for your prospective partner, either, since that's influencing someone and influencing someone in regards to love is evil. If you think that wearing clothes to highlight your figure or giving your maybe-girlfriend a rose is not evil, then congratulations, you probably won't find love spells evil either. You are INFLUENCING someone, not BRAINWASHING them when you use love work. AND, with all due respect to my own readers, several of you are newbies to spellwork, and whereas I might be able to get an ex acting wild with passionate lust, if your magical "muscles" are not yet all that strong...the same working might get you some flirting and not the follow through. I think people often overstate the power of a spell, because they just assume the person working it has been spellcasting a long time. I have seen some incredibly impressive outcomes with people new to spellwork, but at the same time, this isn't just saying words and making hand motions, and I've seen even more newbies get some result but not the strong one they'd hoped for. 

So are love spells evil? No, though I do concede that people sometimes overuse them when something is over (and frankly, most magicians have done so at least once,) and that they can be used with less-than-kind motives (like trying to draw someone back just so you can tell them to fuck off again.) If you personally find them distasteful, that's fine, but if you pontificate on how bad people are for using them, you may be more hypocritical than you realize in your own speeches. 

As for the "Make all hot bitches bend over and give up that azz because I say a certain chant," people, all I can say is please get some mental help, and it's not gonna happen, bro, and part of the reason women won't have sex with you is that you're a dreadful misogynistic jerk who is way too desperate. Everyone despises incels except other incels, and those are all dudes, so unless you like dudes in a sexy way, maybe you should try finding a new group to hang with, too. 

Myth: If I purchase this magical tool, I'm a magician/its inherent magical powers will work with absolutely no effort on my part!

Reality: The one I see most often is people who use condition oils (come to me, follow me boy, etc,) as a perfume, and yet never with intent (which would be laying a trick on yourself in some cases,) and it's no different than spraying yourself with Axe body spray and expecting it to make you irresistible to women. It won't. Condition oils are actually, for the most part, not perfumes. Some like Cleo May are meant to be used as so, but not most. If I want to curse the fuck out of people I don't put Black Arts oil on. If I want you to tell me the truth and have the truth blow up in your face, I don't put my Liar Liar Pants on Fire oil on myself (you can specifically request this recipe at Anubeion Creations, by the way, just go to custom oils, and ask for Cat's Liar Liar Pants on Fire.) If anything, I go out of my way to let neither black arts or liar liar touch my flesh. So why is it if you're trying to get someone to love you, you're wearing the condition oil? Should you not be putting that on something to represent the TARGET? Because yes, you should be putting it on something representing the target. You're already smitten, clearly, or else you would not be trying to attract that person. 

I realize that some of you are also huge Harry Potter fans, but you should know that a magic wand is for focusing the power that is coming from the magician holding it. It's directing the energy OF THE MAGICIAN, see, so you waving a wand about and saying stupid Latin phrases will not do anything other than make you look like you're doing Harry Potter cosplay, because pretty much that is all you are doing. 

It doesn't matter how many cool magician's tools you buy or own. If you don't know how to use them, it's no different than me owning a all the things I need to fix a car, but knowing nothing (including what a car looks like) about cars. It's pointless to have all these tools if you have no magical ability. In fact, it's 2000% more important to have the right knowledge and to have amazing skill than it is to have any magical tools at all. 

If you get yourself a $4000 beautiful bejeweled magical seal, all you're going to have is a beautiful piece of art if you don't know how to use it, - so stop, stop, stop, stop, stop getting fussy and assuming something doesn't work when often the case is you don't know how to work it and won't take the time to study and practice and know how.

Myth: Doing magic draws bad-luck and ill-fortune to you.

Considering one of the better known magical rituals in the western world is performed by Catholic priests and is meant to purify and bless the congregation (the Holy Mass,) I beg to differ. I can understand where this comes from...basically, one source is people who think that any magic takes away from reverence to God or trust in God, when I have seen no proof of this. If anything, it seems to strengthen faith. The other source would be people who performed rituals very wrong (either because they worked from a source which was itself quite wrong, or because they improvised when they have little to no practical knowledge of magic.) So, yeah, if you decide to call a spirit since that is the current "it's so cool" type of ritual (it comes from all of the possession and demon movies we have out in the past decade or more,) and you don't know what the fuck you're doing, you might regret that decision. A lot of the time, the spirit won't even show up. Why? Who the fuck are you, and why should they? If you have little to no ability, you are of no interest to most of the ones that are found in lists of spirits. You could be pretty interesting to something of a much lower order that feeds on your fears and is pretty awful (but if you like exorcism movies, you're in for a treat as you get something like that in your home!) Or you could be unintentionally rude (or just intentionally rude) to a very very powerful spirit and it decides that it will fuck your life up - and you can't exorcise those ones to my knowledge, you just have to appease them. 

If the above sounds really shitty, then maybe don't call spirits on a whim, and maybe work up to doing that sort of thing, so if something does go wrong, you can actually banish the spirit, oh and make sure you banish it. Even if you say it didn't show up, sometimes it did, and so you know, be sure to  tell it to leave but nicely. :)

If you do something wrong with SPIRITS, then hell yeah, you can have some bad luck and ill fortune. If you do a spell on a surface you haven't cleaned, you can combine energies unintentionally and that can suck. If you do not ritually bathe, you will begin to take on some of the energies of the spells you cast - it's sort of like when I worked in a sandwich shop and came home smelling like lunch meat, despite never eating there. 

But magic itself does not cause bad luck and ill fortune just for using it. It is the inept- and/or the lazy practitioner who draws those to themselves.

Myth: If I use reconciliation magic on a person, the love affair will be awful and it will be as if it is cursed.

Reality: Much like the above, this is either propaganda from people who dislike reconciliatory workings, OR this has happened because the petitioner did not work with the spell (or they are just incompatible.) I've seen countless reconciliation spells manifest and keep the happy couple together, often for many years (in more than one case they are still together to my knowledge after all these years.)

If you find reconciliation magic distasteful, you don't have to use it. That does not make it evil. 

Hopefully, this has cleared some stuff up. Til next time, lovies,

~Cat

 

Revenge on an Ex

Hey Occulties,

I was recently enjoying Quora when someone linked to this article. It gave me kind of a laugh because I hear that someone thinks their ex is a narcissist quite a bit, and having seen a small amount of actual narcissists in my time at this profession, I assure you, that asshole you're telling me about probably isn't close to being that bad. However, bad exes are a thing, and they are often a thing we want some revenge against. So, inspired by people on Quora raving against their ex, here you go...

A classic revenge spell against an ex is to procure a beef heart, but I'm going to be presumptuous and assume many of you wouldn't know where to find that, or couldn't manage to handle it without puking, so let's try something that doesn't require you handle actual guts. This one is far easier. 

You will need:
Capsaicin extract*
Hair, fingernail/toenail clippings/blood/semen etc from your target
Black pepper
Red pepper
Poppy seeds
Vinegar
A small jar or bottle

The best witness sample to use, in my opinion, is hair or blood. However, if you only have sexual secretions (make sure ONLY the target's sexual secretions are present,) or fingernails, it will still work. Take a small bit of your witness sample, and place it into the jar, saying "(Name of target), I capture you in this jar." Now pour in a little black pepper, red pepper, and some poppy seeds saying, "(Name of target, I burn you and confuse you and roast you," now add some capsaicin extract and say, "(Name of target) you are without peace, your skin burns, your mind burns, your body is on fire," and then add vinegar to fill the jar saying "(Name of target) all is sour and bitter to you, in your firey hell," now place a lid on the jar, and say "This spell shall not reverse nor place upon me any curse, as is my will, so be it!" Once you do this, hold the jar in your hands for a few minutes, envisioning your target burning up as one would with a fever, scratching at themselves, and feeling miserably hot. Now shake the jar three times. The jar should be buried on the target's property OR failing that, in a spot where they frequently pass near. 

Happy Hexing!

~Cat

 

 

*This stuff is VERY HOT and can hurt mucous membranes. Please be careful, wash your hands after using it, and avoid skin or eye contact. Clearly do not eat it. 

 

Revenge Against Someone Who Has Treated You Badly

Hey Occulties,

As many of you have no doubt guessed, a great deal of my requests are love-related, and generally related to retrieving a lost loved one. While that's all fine and well, and to be expected, what happens when you realize your ex was/is a terrible human being? 

Now, I'd just like to say that I do not feel this way personally about most of my exes. Sure, they made mistakes (but so did I), and that made it so we just couldn't make things work, but in the case of maybe 2 people in my entire romantic life, those 2 guys were MONSTERS, whereas any one else I might call my ex is probably a pretty good guy, it just didn't work for us. 

So it is that more than one of my readers or clients have realized that their ex is also a complete monster. :P And when you've been free of a monster for a short while, you often get angry that you tolerated this person for any length of time, and you feel like getting a little bit of revenge for all of the rotten things this person put you through. No, I'm not saying this person gave you a bad birthday present once, or got drunk at your school reunion and blurted out that you have all of One Direction's albums and play them constantly - I mean this person did something like cleaned out your bank account to buy themselves a new wardrobe, and then ran off with your former best friend, using what was left of your money to take the ex best friend on a whirlwind tour of Europe, or something equally awful (that actually isn't even close to the worst monster-of-an-ex story I've ever heard,) and now that you're through with this jerk...you want your revenge. 

I'm sure many of you have heard of the traditional beef-heart spell to break the heart of someone who has broken yours. This is a wonderful spell, and if you've the mind to do it for revenge against this type, I would tell you it should work wonders for you. But the average joe/jane is not apt to even know where he or she would get a beef heart, and several people in this day and age would also not have the stomach to work on it. ;) Heck, I know people who can't even pull the giblets out of a supermarket turkey without turning a little green around the gills, and those are wrapped up in paper. With that in mind, I present this revenge spell which should be a bit easier for the modern spellcaster to locate all ingredients (and do the spell without wanting to barf.) Just a note, this will work better when placed near where the target will walk or frequently travel.

You will need:
Devil's shoestring piece
Spanish Moss
A good sized VERY HOT pepper (fresh)
Heavy black thread
A sewing needle
A sharp knife, box-cutter, or X-acto knife
A black or red very-fine-point permanent marker (I use Sharpie brand)
A medium sized jar with lid
A cannister of salt (table salt is fine) 
Tin foil
A physical item from your target (blood, fingernail clippings, worn clothing, hair, etc.)*

The pepper can be any pepper of your choosing - scotch bonnet peppers, habenero, or heck, even a ghost pepper if you're up for it. ;) The hotter the pepper, the better. 

What we're going to do here is make your ex basically have a rage fit (or several,) that then reflect onto this person (harming only the target and his/her reputation) so that everyone thinks they are a crazy angry jerk and they hate this person, whilst simultaneously protecting you from further damage by this person. :) 

Start by writing the target's full name on the devil's shoestring. This is possible, so don't write to tell me it isn't. ;) As you write the intended target's name, keep an image of them in your mind's eye, preferably with an expression of anger and misery. For some people, it is easier to keep an image of the target nearby to remain focused. Now wrap your personal item (or place it next to) around the devil's shoestring - still keeping the mental image of your target in your mind's eye, - and then place the bit of spanish moss around this. Cut a slit in your pepper, and place the spanish moss/devil's shoestring/personal item into the pepper. Thread your needle, and stitch 9 black X's into the pepper to stitch it closed. As you make each X, and keeping the mental image of your target in your mind's eye, say: "(Target's name), your anger and your rage enflame with every breath, and your rage destroys you." Once you have stitched this closed with 9 X's, gently wrap the pepper in tinfoil, placing the "shiny" side against the pepper, and saying "(Name of target,) all that you do and all that you say to hurt another reflects back onto you," saying this a total of 9 times. Again (since I will be asked), do try to keep a mental image of your target in your mind's eye as you do this. Now open your jar, and fill this about 1/3 to 1/2 full with salt. Place your foil wrapped pepper into the jar, and then fill the remaining space in the jar with salt, then secure the lid on top tightly. 

This next part will involve you holding the jar, and shaking it a prescribed amount of times while saying a specific chant. The nice thing with this chant is that you will be counting off how many times you shake the jar, so you don't need to keep a mental tally. So, hold the jar in both hands, say the chant, and where you say you are giving it a shake, give it one good shake each time. Hopefully that makes sense. You need to keep the mental image of your target in your mind's eye as you do this, and I also envision flames and black smoke traveling from me into the jar as I do this. The chant is as follows, "(Name of target,) you who are a villain to me, your true self is now laid bare for all to see. Your anger grows, your temper blows, your true nature everyone knows. Any harm or anger directed at another or at me, just reflects back at you and only hits thee. As I give this jar its (first/second/third/etc) shake, on the 9th its power awakes!" After the 9th shake, say "This spell shall not reverse nor place upon me any curse - as is my will, so be it!" 

While I recommend hiding or burying the jar close to the target or a place where they frequently pass, if this isn't possible you can bury it at a crossroads, OR if even that is impossible, place it where it will remain undisturbed in your home (though if the target isn't living with you, this is the least effective place to put the jar.)

This should make your monster ex lose his or her temper frequently, and make them go on tirades around others, effectively making others hate them or distance themselves from this person. It may even land this person in a psychiatric hold if they act crazy enough. :) It basically is twofold...it causes unreasonable anger AND makes everything harmful they do towards you or another just reflect on their character. :)

I'm sure there will be questions, so feel free to contact me. :)

~Cat

*This needs to be a physical item, not a photograph, signature, or "something someone touched once." You want a STRONG bond, and an image, signature or "something someone touched once," is not going to provide that. This spell is designed for revenge against someone you had, at one time, had a very intimate relationship with, so you should have access to this. Presumably someone (or several someones) will come to me and argue that no, they don't have anything like this because they (or their target) is a neatfreak and anyhow this was ages ago that this person wronged them, and etc, etc, etc. For what it's worth, I certainly would not have a personal item from someone I broke things off with several years ago, either, and it's pretty unlikely I'd even have anything like that if a few months had passed since we broke things off. :P HOWEVER, there are myriad revenge spells which do not require a personal item. If you don't have a witness sample that comes directly from the body of your target, please try a different spell. Asking me for substitutions for the personal item, and then giving me your excuses as to why you do not have this is not going to change the fact that it is required for this spell, and there is not a substitution. If you're really sure you need to use this very spell, then you know how to get something from your ex that you can use in revenge workings. I've known people to ask that the person snail mail them something (spit to seal the envelope,), or to stop by the ex's place and use the bathroom, etc, etc. Be creative.

**As always, someone will decide that they don't want to hurt their ex and will become desirous of breaking the curse. Simply locate the jar, uncap it, spill the salt out (I'd put the salt in the toilet and flush it,) clip the stitches on the pepper and separate the items, and burn the personal item and devil's shoestring, saying "(Name of target) I release you from this curse, and all of its effects." Throw away the pepper, thread, spanish moss, and jar - even best if you do this on trash day so that the remains are off of your property.