Cat's Rants - Confessions of an Occult Mastermind

Stay Hydrated

Hey Occulties,

Here’s my most recent selfie 

And here’s my most recent Reddit stalker harassment. They misspelled Kristen, which I’ve said countless times I go by my middle name and have since childhood, but they think is some insult to call me by a name which would be ridiculous as you being upset by me calling you by say, your middle name.

I guess I’m flabby? And gross in every way according to an anonymous stalker (probably Emmy or Amy who are both separate people, neither of whom would want me to reveal the real reason they belong to a little hate club trying to bully me, which is laughable either way, but thanks for your concern regarding my ass, since it’s clearly a huge thought in your mind,) and I wanted you all to know this is why I don’t bother with Reddit anymore. Someone decided they don’t like me and now I get shit like this, lol.

I look so fat and grotesque. How will ever live. I legit have credit cards w the K before Cat, so it’s pretty widely known my first name is Kristen too but that’s with an e not an i so do learn to spell. 🙄

~Cat

PS- that form records your IP address so if you send anonymous hate mail through it, you basically let out exactly who you are, and you must be pretty slow to do something like that. 🤷🏼‍♀️

PPS- am I the only one who thinks this person who thinks this imbecile in love with my ass chose the name Stayed Hydrated because they are so hydrated drinking the proverbial kool-aid —Reddit Stalkers are fckn comedy gold! 🤣🤣🤣

Dear Reddit Stalker/s

It’s come to my attention that a bunch of very pathetic little stalkers are literally stalking my Facebook, and even dug up a ridiculous argument some unhinged woman had about me 15+ years ago on some forum which has been widely derided for just about as long. I don’t even know if she wants you to to bring that up. Seriously. 

 

If you want to know about my personal life with my husband, by all means, ask me as you won’t hear anything about it by reading my Facebook. You won’t even know what’s going on between us through that. He’s hilarious and would go so far as to make shit up to see if you discuss it on Reddit. If you want to discuss purchases I’ve made because you stalk my accounts on sites that allow reviews by all means, directly ask me about any purchase I’ve made. I’m not ashamed. If you just got the news I’m known by my middle name, I’d have told you the first name for the asking. Its no secret lol. It’s a very common thing in my family, even my grandma went by her middle name. 

 

The fact you literally have a Reddit group to conspire and watch me says a great deal about your mental health as a whole. There is seriously something wrong with anyone of you who interact with that group thinking you know anything about me and the stuff I’ve been told has actually come from several people who think you’re all crazy and want to report you since this is some like murder-stalker shit. Like they think you’ll kill me for buying a Santa Muerte statue because you’re literally discussing things which only a completely obsessive psychopath would know unless they were me, or some made up shit you yourselves made up about me and my husband. 

 

Get the mental help you all so clearly need. I mean it sure would be embarrassing if all your friends and family knew you were stalking me and discussing me in a group with other stalkers. By the way stalking and harassing is against Reddit rules. So I hope you’re using a temp account. 

~Cat 

Curse for an Oath or Vow Breaker

Hey kids,

While PayPal is still banned in a fun move of events, we have identified the reddit stalker. It's good to have connections. It's also going to cost this person thousands per post as they agreed to in their contract ($3000 per libelous or defamatory post, several are the same person pretending to be other people, we've got them nailed by IP, so that's false and libel and they are fucked), lmao. So it's a good day. That doesn't really stop my Nigerian stalker from stalking me (he's so fucking awful - I almost refused to work with him this most recent time because he's a sociopath only interested in himself and money, but I stupidly did not listen to that inner voice people pay to talk to,) but it does feel nice to be owed thousands by both idiots who don't read the fine print. 

And that, my lovies, brings us to our topic today - contracts and enforcing them with magic. Did you know that this is a very common practice in days of old? You did not break an oath then actually think there would be no consequences or an over tired pencil pusher might overlook your mistakes back then. These days people just think they can get away with it, but these days we are a lot less likely to be burned at the stake for using magic, hehe. So be careful, read the fine print, and also make sure you make a contract when working with others.

Now the modern person might say "But Cat, no one reads that stuff they just click and accept." And I would say, "Possibly, which still doesn't change that they claim that they read and they definitely agreed to those terms. Ignorance, especially willful ignorance, isn't a defense." Because regardless of if they know what they agreed to or not, once they agree to the contract, magic can enforce it.

You will need:
A copy of your contract, signed if possible, but if electronically signed, it still works
A full-body image of the defaulting person
A full name
Goofer dust
A coffin shaped box (honestly an oblong wooden box works, as well)
Several black candles, chime candles are perfect. 
A permanent paint marker or black marker with red or black ink

Place the hard copy of your contract beneath the box on your altar. Put some goofer dust into the coffin, then lay the image inside and say "(name of target,) I demand you to hold up your contract, and if you fail to do so, your whole life, and all you hold dear be taken from you!" Now pour a bit of goofer dust over the image and shut the lid. In your own words tell the person (well while you're speaking to the coffin, heh,) what they must do, then say "(name of target,) until you do this I curse you to lose all you hold dear, your whole life, and all those things you'd keep near!" Now light a candle at the head of the coffin and one at the feet, and inscribe the lid with the first initial of their name. Allow these candles to burn out. The next day repeat this process except now put the second letter in their first name. You will repeat this process until you've inscribed their full name on the coffin, or they have done what you want. Should you inscribe their full name, then take the coffin and bury it in the graveyard. Don't expect them to hold their contract if you've put the full name on the coffin, but they probably won't be very healthy much longer.

This only works for those people who have a contract with a client. It won't work in matters of the heart. 

Happy Hexing!

~Cat

 

I Love Santisima Muerte!

Hi Occulties!

So, not really educational or how-to, but recently a new troublemaker entered my life, and was dumb enough to leave me a stray hair lying about. You do not think when you have long hair that you are constantly leaving them everywhere, but as a woman with very long hair, I know I get enough complaints about my own hair if I leave it down, so it was not so shocking that this person basically left me a present. Since I work with Santisima Muerte frequently enough and we have a relationship, I tied this hair to her scythe and I told her to cut this one out of the lives of my household if she means to do myself or Mr NinjaCat trouble or if she will cause it without it being her current intention. 

So, at 8ish this morning, the owner of said hair cut herself right out of our lives. And it wasn't intentional like "Cat and Mr NinjaCat, I hate knowing you, bye." It was entirely coincidental where it began. Once it began it snowballed in under an hour and all from a seemingly innocent comment to someone else (not either of us) on Facebook, and it was beyond random either of us would have even seen the stupid thing. A million and one chance, really. 

I love Santa Muerte! No one even got physically hurt but now that crazy person is out of our lives, and it took literally maybe 24 hours. Santisima Muerte is a good friend to have, and trust and know I will do my utmost to always have her in my corner!

~Cat

Questions You Asked Me Contest Winners

Hey there Occulties,

So this year I feel people really did not ask their best questions. Perhaps after 2 decades, I've managed to really get the best out of everyone, which I honestly hope I'm wrong in that regard. So very often, the questions in the QYAM contest were so inspiring to me and helped me really get more focused on what mattered to my readers, whereas sadly, this year, only a quarter of the entries qualified as suitable for entries. I didn't even ban repeat questions like I used to when qualifying entries. 

For example, business policies like "Why do you have x rule at your job?" are not going to be about Hoodoo or spellcasting. They are about why I personally do not find a certain business practice or do find a certain business practice useful. Questions about me personally also don't qualify. Not that someone specifically asked this but close enough so "Why are you a redhead? Are you still naturally a redhead? Were you ever naturally a redhead?" also has zero to do with spellcasting, Hoodoo, and/or the occult. Questions about Mr NinjaCat again also do not qualify....Mr NinjaCat doesn't even have a freaking proper name on my blog other than Mr NinjaCat or Mr NinjaCat the third. Questions regarding people we know or people I know in the occult world which are personal don't qualify. Most questions regarding my personal preference on this or that thing are not really going to qualify.

I even tried an added month but meh, so let's see the three that placed and hopefully next go around we will have a better crop. I am reasonably sure these are all repeats but it's alright, probably not too recently. All questions have been edited for clarity, and names have been edited to show only a first initial. The winners have been notified. 

First prize

Q: What is the best way to revive a relationship that ended several years previously using magic? Is it even possible after five years? (Submitted by R)

A: Without knowing any details as to why it ended or how contentious the break itself was, it would be difficult to entirely offer a fair answer as the circumstances could differ wildly, and I further do not know enough details regarding logistics, and availability of contact, shared friends etc - BUT let's just make this generic and say that while the break up was slightly contentious and both parties stopped speaking, they continued to have shared friends, did not stalk, harass, or insult each other through their friends or directly, and the relationship ended 6 years ago. Let's also say both parties are currently single. The best way to go about reviving this would be, in my opinion, to first do a very light reconciliation working. Something simple - even a pink candle with sugar, balm of gilead, pink rose petal and reconciliation oil - and once that has burned out, work the situation like a new relationship, like to draw a specific person. You might even do road opening rather than reconciliation if both parties are "over" the relationship (which clearly is untrue if you're doing love work to bring it back,) but the main part of the working would be to treat it as if you had an old friend you realized is just single and you want to get together with them, and use love attraction and love drawing. Avoid using too much red magic (lust rather than love,) as it can draw up anger and you have to be secure that neither half of the couple is still retaining any residual anger from all those years ago. Still, this is not a bad situation, and a positive outcome is very plausible here as the couple has had plenty of time apart to overcome their troubles and the troublesome behavior that led to their break up many years ago. 

Now let's say you ask me this about a relationship that ended terribly, where they don't speak, one person stalked the other for a few years, they share no friends in common, but for some bizarre reason they do both still have each other's numbers, even though one moved far away a few years ago and it's been six years since the break up. So, let's say it's really a bad situation. Hell, even me, who loves trying to fix horrible love problems would not want to take this on... But, I guess let's say I'm being forced at gunpoint to fix it, ha ha. In that case, I'd start with figuring out the break up itself. Why did it happen?  Would it happen again? So, if someone is stalking their target to the point of it being disturbing, you start by calming them, you heal them, you try to bring that anxiety and obsession down. This is nothing you'd do for hire, because this will be slow. This will be at least a few months. Unfortunately until this person is in a better place, they will kill spellwork with lust for results. Are they better? Oh, you only think so. See, the next problem we need to deal with is that people who are this obsessive are often stuck to a moment in the past and as long as they remain stuck in that time warp, they will not be able to get the things (be that a person, a job, a relationship, etc,) that exist right now. Sometimes when we are horribly traumatized by an event, we just get stuck. So if Person A lost Person B back in 2018, then while you and I are living it up here in 2023, they are still stuck in 2018, wondering why the people around them feel so weird and alien and not like they should. Imagine for a minute if 2018 you woke up in 2023. Would that 2018 version of you be horrified or scared or any range of troubling emotions? Of course. So we need to unstick them, and that basically involves helping them to accept that this traumatizing even has happened, and cannot unhappen. It's a whole different form of healing and often when you do it, if the person doesn't dig in and REFUSE to accept (which they will refuse to at least once or twice,) then once you've done this, the person doesn't want the ex back anymore, they were just stuck. This sounds weird but it's quite common. In fact most of us get stuck, we just only get stuck for a little bit. When you've been stuck for years, that's very difficult to process through. All it takes is very unexpected and shocking trauma, like if you legitimately found out your real dad is a giraffe, or if you discovered the sky is actually just a painted on ceiling - and could irrefutably prove both. But let's say they get past the stuck point and still want the ex back. Then you work reconciliation and road opening (both) until it looks like their is forgiveness brewing on both sides, then you hit this with really heavy love drawing and use intranquility on the "one that got away" and it should mend.

So is it possible to bring back an ex that has been gone for 5+ years? Yes, though it's a bit like bringing a new relationship together...just there is some baggage and someone you're working for might be very obsessive and prone to lust for results. :P 

Also keep in mind, too many people confuse infatuation for love, and will complain that the "spark dies out," or that "love fades." This means they have not been in love and don't understand what it is. It's not that common to really deeply romantically love another person. You might love them and lust after their body, but that's not the same thing. Being in love is not always pleasant or fun, but you don't doubt it, it doesn't go away no matter what, and it certainly doesn't fade with time. If your petitioner says that they want it. to be like it was in the beginning forever, they are just looking to be infatuated and you're better off suggesting someone new. The newness of an old flame will wear off a lot faster and they will complain. 

Second Prize:

Q: Can one improve one's ability to cast spells even if casting badly-put-together spells or spells that someone made up on the fly? (submitted by O.)

A: While it irks me to say this, yes you improve your focus and your will, so you will improve your ability, just as "going through the motions" and not using a lot of focus or exertion of will still can improve your abilities, though neither guarantee the spellwork will be effective.

So, let's say we have a very effective traditional spell which has been used successfully by many people. You have never cast a spell in your life, and along with your 0 experience, you also just really aren't a natural spellcaster and do not really take to it well. Now I come along with my lifetime of experience and my mad castin' skillz and I have to cast some cringey made up TikTok "spell" that someone thinks looks cool and has no basis in actual magic. Who will be more effective? Me. See even with some complete and utter bullshit, the fact that I exercise my will on a regular basis means I have the ability to twist things to my will, spell or no spell. You (if you are the you in our example,) are weaker than a newborn baby, and I work this ability several times a day every day, thus making me Superman in comparison to you. 

So when you do a sucky spell, or one that someone just made up, you are still strengthening the very ability you need to really push your magic and give it some strength. The more you work that magic, the stronger you that ability becomes, just like working out a physical muscle. This doesn't mean you'll be successful, and the efficacy of the spell itself IS IMPORTANT. Think of it a bit like a car - I can get places without a car, but with the car, I will get to my destination much more quickly and tire myself out a heck of a lot less. Even the most skilled runners and walkers would prefer to go somewhere 40 miles away in a CAR than they would want to do so on foot. FURTHERMORE, plenty of 'creators of content' actually give very dangerous and stupid instructions for spells which could get the person casting the spell hurt! So good spells are very important as well. 

Third prize:

Q: Why do some people suggest that one can get hurt by casting dark magic, and others claim this is not the case? Is it possible to be harmed casting positive spells? (Submitted by D.)

A: People often make such warnings to discourage others from practices they find unethical. Perhaps they believe these warnings for religious or spiritual purposes as well, and are warning others against spiritual harm. I do believe that someone can spiritually sicken themselves committing certain non-magical acts as well, though others may disagree, and I respect that they do. 

That's not really a new subject though - what IS would be "can you be harmed by positive spells!" Which....yes, yes definitely. 

So let's tackle some ways this could happen:

You could injure yourself in a few ways in just a normal physical accident, like cutting your hand, or heck even burning your house down with candles. It's not magical, just clumsiness and physics. 

You could unintentionally go "too far." I've known people to do a cleansing spell that left them emotionally raw, or people who wanted to blockbuster all the stuff in their way who ended up burning up everything they did not need in their life (but many things they wanted,) which definitely propelled them forwards from a bad situation but was very painful. 

You could get a stalker - sometimes love spells go too well. 

You could not stay silent when you brag on your results, and you end up losing your love because you tell them you magicked them. 

You could get a "monkey's paw manifestation," where you get what you want, but in the most horrible or undesirable way possible. 

So, while I realize that's only three questions, everyone, I think we need to try again on the QYAM contest again soon. I will be more clear on the rules and hopefully grab more interest. :)

However for an added bonus I will offer a sale for the weekend (Friday 21-Sunday 23) which will give everyone a free 30 minute reading with purchase of the standard 1 week spellcasting, or a free hour long reading with purchase of 2 weeks. 

~Cat

Spell to Make an Enemy Annoying to Others

Hey occulties,

I'm still working on my contest entries but the contest is over. I should be alerting my winners in the next day or two. Sorry to be a slug there. We are still fighting the massive shitstorm of "holy crap how much do we own anyway?" that cleaning out our storage has given us. PLUS, for reasons known only to those doing it, people are very eagerly taking up lots of time and then disappearing. it's very annoying to ask me about services then just drop off of the face of the planet. So if you want work, please do not do that. If you don't want work or missed all that convenient pricing info and feel I should personally go over it with you, and are just taking up my time, I really do not have any to spare right now. Because storage was so much more full of ritual supply than I realized, I've saved people over $3500 already on services and business is bangin, and my floor space is expanding (thank you for buying stuff so I don't disappear in a sea of ritual supplies, haha.) Annnnnd if you are not paying business, I definitely am going to have you waiting for a bit. I need to take care of the paying stuff first. 

Anyhow, I know you're all eager for a nice little curse. This one will require gloves and caution, so please kindly use both to save yourself some misery. 

You will need:
Rubber/latex disposable gloves (like those used by medical staff or even those used in food service)
Some strong scissors or pruning shears, 
Rubbing alcohol (or even nailpolish remover) 
Cotton balls or paper towels
Poison ivy 
A personal item from your target with a stronger connection than a photo (a hair, a nail clipping, some blood, - something from their body)
A larger sized skull candle in red (so not the cute tea light sized ones but more like the size of a grapefruit) 
Cayenne or chipotle pepper (ground) 
Black arts oil 
Mosquitoes (dead - or any flying and annoying bug works - especially if it bites - if you can't smack down a few mosquitoes)
Pins (like those used for tailoring or dressmaking)
A large sheetcake tin
Sand (a lot of sand. No, not dirt, but sand, and never potting soil...sand like the stuff at the beach.) 

This spell is best done on a Tuesday

I have gone over how to load a skull candle for your enemy here - loosely, you want to place the personal item in the candle and name the candle for the target. Do this first. Then, pour your sand into your sheet cake tin, and place the candle on top of this for the moment. Now, USING GLOVES, trim a few poison ivy leaves and DO NOT LET THIS TOUCH YOUR SKIN AND DO NOT TOUCH THE OILS ON IT OR GET THE OILS ON ANYTHING (I'd bring along a freezer zipper bag,) but use your pruning shears just to be sure this nasty plant doesn't touch you, being sure to wipe your shears down with alcohol or nail polish remover when returning home before touching them, then washing them thoroughly. Keep your gloves on during the prep stage. 

Using a pin (or if you want to throw it out after using it, a marker), scratch "(Full name of target,) you annoy and repel all those around you" on FIVE leaves of poison ivy for a total of five times (once per leaf,) and pin each leaf to the skull candle using THREE pins, (leave the pins in throughout the spell.) Liberally add black arts oil (I just pour several drops on, but you may want to use an eye dropper,) and sprinkle the candle with the pepper. Now sprinkle the dead insects on the candle.

You will want to burn this away from pets and avoid inhaling the fumes as they can cause injury. If you have a garage I strongly recommend a place such as that.

Holding your hands on either side of the candle, envision your enemy and see him/her being hated and turned away, their loved ones arguing with them, and just concentrate like this for a few a moments, trying to send this image into the candle. Even if you don't feel like you can send energy, the focusing helps. Now light the candle, being very careful to avoid the fumes. Say, "(Full name of enemy, you are detested by all and cause everyone anger and pain and disgust just by your mere proximity. You are Esau and I am Jacob, for I am loved and you are hated! I curse you to be detestable to all and even to your family, your dearest friends and yourself, - as is my will, so be it!" 

Now allow the candle to burn out. When it has, carefully collect the sand (may want gloves again), and leave the sand in a pile in a crossroads, not looking back at the remains when you leave them.

Hope that was educational, - you know where to find me if you need me! 

~Cat

Things Experienced Spellcasters Don't Seem to Discuss

Hey occulties,

It seems to me that as many. of my peers and I become older, there is a section that wants to behave like these sage old hippie types...which I guess is predictable but always comes off as a bit douchey to me, which the amusing part is not a single one of them were ever cool and tend to be the extra nerdy ones of our youth - the airy fairy nonsense ones (many of which were the hippie type people in youth), and then the ones like me who are the cranky old ones that say "you damn kids," a bit too much and are sick of repeating ourselves, damnit. Thing is, out of that group, the people who don't just want to blow sunshine and encouragement up your ass are often the people who are also most able to teach you since the first group is putting on something of an act, and the second is composed of some very air headed people. So, while I hate repeating myself, I do like pointing out shitty things that other people won't and I can therefore be of some use at educating you today. 

Like, did you know that...

People often fail at learning spellcasting because it takes a lot of practice and dedication and research in a field where publishers have knowingly published completely fabricated books based on absolutely no tradition or with false history. This means there is an actual point in your spellcasting education where you realize that at least half of what you learned from varying sources is complete bullshit. This is, in fact, a huge milestone and means you're starting to be advanced skill level. To make this even more irritating, almost everyone around you continues to be absolutely ridiculously and willfully ignorant (or at least it feels that way.) So basically you spend years learning and reading and educating yourself, only for a large portion of that to be entirely false, and when the epiphany hits you WILL find yourself disgusted with people and yourself, but that's a good thing, because now you aren't an idiot...but it doesn't feel good. I actually get excited when students and readers come to me and they've had this moment, and they are so disappointed and I' like "Aw, you broke your cherry!" However, when people learn this (should they do so before they reach this point,) some get frustrated and give up on learning at all. And it takes years to be good at it. Not you read a book once, or cast a few spells. I mean years of regular practice. THEN you hit that point where you realize a bunch of what you learned was absolute garbage. 

People who are bargain shopping for spells more often than not are going to fail at achieving their goals. It's surprising how many people have told me that the person they love most in the world isn't worth even $100, or that getting passing marks on a difficult course is not worth that amount either. I understand not wanting to invest money but if you can only part with $30 for the thing you want most in the world, then you don't want it very much and the most like to take the money and run are often the too low priced or the ridiculously super high priced. If its going to cost tens of thousands of dollars, that person also just wants your money. 

Love spells do not change someone's personality. If you complain that someone loves you but doesn't love you in the way you want to be loved, you need to understand that this means they are never going to love you how you need to be loved. Of course, you're equating the way you love people and understand love as being as how everyone works and this is very untrue. For example, I find a lot of physical affection and frequent cuddling absolutely awful. It makes me claustrophobic. No amount of spellwork you put on me will make me suddenly love cuddling for the rest of my life, and if you need a lot of that, I'd be a terrible match for you, and not for a lack of love but because I do not like being cuddly and I resent it and feel smothered if it's done a lot. So consider things like communication, physical affection, religious/political beliefs, taste in food, taste in clothing, etc...little things that can still irritate you, and if that person is not naturally inclined to any one of these little things you need, then just using a love spell will make them love you more, not do things like suddenly not be a slob, or suddenly really love exercise.

You won't be successful with money spells if you expect a windfall of money. It's hugely unlikely. People really think if they spend $20 that they will get some huge lottery win, when first off, that's a gambling spell, and secondly, if you spend $3 on a ticket and make $21 on that particular ticket (I didn't mean $3 total, just per ticket,) you already got 7x return on your investment which is a pretty big windfall for your investment. :P So maybe go with doing some job spells and getting paid more. But everyone thinks it's a get rich quick scheme. 

Being a good person doesn't make your spellwork stronger, nor does being a bad person make it weaker. Being a selfish asshat doesn't make you bad at spells. Being a complete cunt won't prevent success unless you're being a cunt to a reconciliation or love target, or telling off the interviewer for the job you cast a spell for. Your niceness and your ethics do not negate skill and intellect. This is the most stupid idea ever that they do and is only said to reassure people that others would never use magic for foul purposes...which people will use whatever tools are available to them that they can use, and their ability to wield these tools has zero to do with their ethics, so of course they will use spellwork to do bad or good or just whatever they need it for. 

If you're desperate or petulant, you're probably going to experience spell failure thanks to lust for results. The sad thing is, the more you fail, the more desperate and whiny and anxious you'll become which merely serves to elevate the likelihood for failure. This is why I tell people to cast a spell for something you don't care that much about - you'll forget you did it and then when it manifests, it will spring to mind that you'd spellcasted for that and it will help with this lack of faith and desperation and anxious and morose attitude that is death to spells, thereby increasing your chances of success. If you know the exact amount of weeks or days since you cast the spell and it was over 2 weeks ago, you definitely have lust for results.

The annoying "is this permanent" question fails to understand life is evolving all the time. So even if you overcome your problem with spellwork, it doesn't permanently prevent the problem from becoming a problem again, and if you keep making the same mistakes, it likely will be a problem again.v That isn't the spell's fault. It's yours.

Spells don't care if you didn't mean to do something or did something in a moment of weakness anymore than a falling boulder cares that you didn't mean to walk under it just at the exact time for it to fall on you. Stop making excuses to yourself and/or your caster since it doesn't matter how you felt or why you did something, just that you did something that would harm your spell. 

Even the best and most perfectly made tool or spellcasting item won't overcome inexperience or inability to cast spells. 

If you expect spells to fix anything in under 36 hours you should probably neither attempt to hire a worker nor learn spellcasting. Results are rarely instant. 

There, now that I've done my job bursting some bubbles, I hope it was at least educational. 

~Cat

 

 

Spell to Draw Someone You Desire to You

Hey Occulties, 

Just a quick luv spell tonight. For those new to spellcasting, please do not expect instant results, avoid lust for results, and do not act against your spell by being rude, fighting with the target, or acting crazy and/or off-putting. Desperation and throwing yourself at your target are both off-putting. And as always, you should know the target more than just "in passing," but actually be personally acquainted with them.

Alrighty, let's get on with it then. ;)

You will need:
A figural candle corresponding to the genitalia of the desired target (penis or vulva candle,) 
A figural candle corresponding to the genitalia of the petitioner (or yourself if you are casting the spell for yourself,)
A personal item (hair, nail clipping, spit on a napkin, etc,) from your target
A personal item from your petitioner,
A red ribbon or cord,
A purple ribbon or cord,
A pink ribbon or cord
Honey
Sugar
Licorice root
Rose petals (red or pink) 
Love Drawing oil
Come to Me oil
Follow me Girl/Follow me Boy (hetero ladies and gay gents use Follow Me Boy, hetero gents and gay ladies use Follow Me Girl, and if you're seeking a trans target, please use the formula for the gender your target identifies as,)
A large heatproof container like a roasting pan (not the disposable kind,)
OPTIONAL- Sand to place the candles upon in your container for added fire safety

Take your red cord, and anoint this with Come to Me oil, anoint your pink cord with Love Drawing Oil, and your purple cord with Follow me Boy/Girl oil. Using this method, place your personal items corresponding to the proper party into the proper candles. Carve the initials or name of each person onto the candle representing that person. Anoint both candles UP (base to wick) with all three oils, and place these into your fire proof container so. that they are facing towards each other. Sprinkle sugar, rose petals, and licorice root on the candles. Take your red cord and tie it around the candles saying "I bind your sexual passion to (me/petitioner), (name of target.)" Tie your pink cord around the candles and as you do say "I bind your romantic love to (me/petitioner), (name of target.) Tie your purple cord around your candles as you say "And I bind you to follow my lead one month and a day, that you will come to me, willingly, lovingly, and desire me and me alone." Now drizzle the candles with some honey. 

Before you light the candles, take a moment to see, in your mind's eye, the couple happy together, passionately in love and, keeping this image in your mind's eye, light both candles (starting with the target's candle, then the petitioner's candle,) and say "I draw you to me/petitioner now, this very moment, (target's name,) and this flame creates in you a burning desire for me/petitioner and me/petitioner alone. I draw you by your desire, and with this overwhelming desire, only I/petitioner can satisfy you, so you are at my/his/her beck and call. I draw you to me/petitioner this very moment, this very second! The more you try to resist this command the stronger the urge to follow my command becomes. As is my will, so be it!

Allow the candles to burn out. When they have done so, tie the remains of the cords in a knot and keep them under your bed until the spell manifests.

I'm sure there will be questions, so feel free to ask!

~Cat

This spell is copyright originalninjacat, and I prosecute plagiarists to the fullest extent of the law. 

All the Big News

Hey Occulties,

I have a sale where you can basically save hundreds, but you must first get through my complaints to find it, ha ha. 

March was a very, very very big month for me, and because of that, I was definitely not the easiest person to find. For starters, our storage (something I originally paid about $150 a month for not even 2 years ago, went up to $565 a month. Since we weren't living in it, we said that's way too fcking much, thanks, and we moved all the shit which had been in three separate homes (we moved a lot last year,) out of storage, and into our very small home. So, myself and Mr. NC are living in what feels like a walk in closet til we figure out how much of this crap is going to charity or in the dumpster. It's like cleaning out your basement but hilariously enough, we have storage in the basement of this house, we just have to reconfigure it all. On top of this, Mr NinjaCat had a bunch of stuff to get done/do/etc and then we both went and broke a tooth (on food, and no we don't share these broken teeth, we just both decided to crack off a filling on some food days apart from each other because we share everything even dental misery, because that's what God apparently intended,) so now we have to pay a lot of money to not look ridiculous, which of course, after moving three freaking times in about a year and having this crazy amount of sorting to do, and with all Mr NC's appointments, and my two jobs is a time clusterfuck so just don't expect me to be smiling for the next few weeks, ha ha. 

Meanwhile, everyone and their grandma decided it was time to chit chat with me, which has been enormously difficult to schedule appointments with me (and nearly impossible to catch me without one) what with being snaggletooth, and trying to figure out where the feck am I going to put all these freaking dishes we own because we don't have space. Lucky for everyone I did find temp tooth repair stuff so I'm at least not increasing the damages and it doesn't hurt, thanks for asking. 

That made me hella drop the ball on my contest so I've extended it to April 10. If you want in on the questions you've asked me contest, please ask your questions now. 

But it also made it clear that I need to chat with a few of you on a few things. 1.) DO NOT INQUIRE IF I'VE DONE SOMETHING WHEN I GAVE YOU A SPECIFIC DATE I'D BE CASTING. Not only is it ANNOYING, IT IS A HUGE WASTE OF EVERYONE'S TIME AND CLEARLY SHOWS YOU DID NOT READ WHAT I WROTE YOU. Example - I tell you I will do something on Friday. You email me 13 times from Tuesday until Saturday to see if I've done this thing for you, when I literally said it was going to be Friday. By the time Friday comes, you've already worn out my good graces, and you don't stop. It's not that you're altering instructions, it's that you want to see if I've done a thing I told you I'd do in FOUR DAYS FROM THAT DAY. Keep in mind, I do have 63 active cases at this moment in time. That means if 63 people did that all at once, guess what? I'd just probably want to jump off a cliff. But what if it's only six people? You are still taking up the time of everyone else asking me something which is clearly not necessary as I told you I WOULD DO IT FOUR DAYS IN THE FUTURE. And A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE DOING THIS. If I give you a date, this is when I will do my work. Do not check and recheck. 2.) Asking me random questions because you're "just curious" is also somewhat obnoxious. I get that you're checking if I'm still reading your emails or I will reply. It rarely if ever has anything to do with you just being curious about what you're asking me. You're basically poking me to see if I'll reply. I legit work 70-80 hour weeks every week, so kindly do not think to add more hours to that merely to see if I'm still breathing. 

But the next thing ain't even your fault, everyone. I am about to fully ban PayPal payments. Why? They suck so bad. I know that will negatively affect many of you and I will try to work to find you a solution. 

Lastly, there is a MEGA GIGANTIC STORAGE CLEARANCE SALE. We DO NOT have the room to store all the stuff we took out of storage. I probably need to clear a good 20 cubic feet or more of this stuff out of here, I BS you not. So if you want deals, I may be able to help. We need to clear out space and if I realized how much of a freakin hoarder I secretly am (not so secret now, lol) when it comes to bizarre and weird ingredients, candles, and herbals, I would probably not have closed off my storage entirely, just moved to a smaller storage unit. BUT what's done is done, and now I need to clear boxes and pallets of stuff out. Plz buy spells and help. I've already been throwing out $100-$150 discounts since last week. :D I literally have like 921 candles (almost a thousand) when I'd thought I had far less than that and some of them are in some bizarre and awesome shapes, too. 

So Contact Me if you need work and please wait for me to reply when you do (because I am craaaaaaazy busy with spells right now, and thank you so much for your business! I appreciate it!)

~Cat

 

 

Pruning the Garden of Bad Behaviors

Hey Occulties,

Sorry for the delay in announcing contest winners. I will be trying to do so this evening as I know it's been long awaited but Mr NinjaCat and I have had a pretty busy few weeks along with some very verbal clients being on the current roster simultaneously, and it's really affected my spare time to write in. I'm sorry if I've let anyone down by being delayed, but paying business and family take precedence over blog posts and contests...so it is coming shortly. This, however, is more pressing.

Whenever my life gets hectic, it seems I don't have time to post, and I'm probably a bit too brief in replies as well which in turn creates a flood of LUST FOR RESULTS. 

And one cause (perhaps the number one cause) is nearly always CHOOSING to constantly dwell on the problem being worked on, thus slowing your results, and if bad enough, killing them altogether.

The other issue I get is something I might term as "dedicated self-defeatism" which is along the line of "I know this isn't helpful to this situation or to myself to engage in this behavior, but I will anyhow." A mundane comparison might be someone who complains that they can't lose weight while overeating and only eating highly processed unhealthy foods when they do eat. A related problem is "fault-projecting self-defeatism," which is always blaming someone else for your actions. So if we use our mundane example, that's comparable to someone who blames a friend for always wanting to eat at a fast food restaurant for being the sole cause of their weight issue. While someone may negatively influence the situation, you control your own response thereto. Self-defeatism is about as useful as it sounds and I'd best describe it as a form of apathy. However, it can also be on the road to lust for results, so not only are you choosing (by lack of action and/or lack of responsibility,) to remain in a place in your life which you don't wish to be, you're often causing yourself to become angry and stirred up by being "stuck" there, and then this all leads you down the nasty lust for results path.

But wait, there's more!

Do you remember "Death Clocks?" I've discussed this more than once, but loosely this is when you put an exact time limit on something, then basically manifest failure in so doing. So if I say "If my ex hasn't come back" (please don't come back, any of you, lol,) "by a week from today, it means my spellwork failed," then what I am basically creating is a situation where my ex will not under any circumstances come back that day or before because I manifested failure by that sort of thinking. Very annoying, I know, but you basically send out an energy that draws failure by x date when you think this way. If you can tell me what you were doing and what you were wearing exactly 2 weeks ago at 2:30pm and then what you were doing  and wearing 42 days ago at 11am, than I can already tell that you are a death clocker. If you come into my inbox and bemoan that it's been 4 weeks exactly to the day? Lust for results, death clocking, and you are the reason it's delayed. It's literally something you can control in most cases. Your problem is you need to LET IT GO, and STOP TICKING THE DAYS OFF, and FOCUS ON OTHER THINGS SO YOUR SPELLWORK CAN MANIFEST, and refusing to do so by saying you "Can't help it" or some similar excuse is DEDICATED SELF-DEFEATISM which is also bad (see above.)

Of course, what sort of article on lust for results can be complete without a mention of DRAINING LEVELS OF NEGATIVITY AND INSECURITY. And while I am certain it's draining to you, it's also draining to everyone else, and repelling them as they do not want to be near someone who drains all of the energy out of them just by interacting with them. I don't expect anyone to be chock fulla sunshine if they have been emotionally traumatized, but you can try not sulking and focusing on your blessings rather than your problems and I'm certain it will boost your mood and make you more attractive to others. I always tell people if we all got together and threw our problems on the problem pile, you'd grab your own back fast enough when you saw how bad other people's problems are. If you knew the amount of times I've had ridiculous problems going on (and if you remember second Mr NinjaCat if you've known me as far back as 2019, he was a constant horrible problem creator,) only to have an hour or three taken up by someone legitimately ugly crying about an image or heart react on social media for my job, I can assure you that many, many many people exaggerate to themselves how bad their problems really are. Someone heart reacting to your rival's new selfie is not worth a tear, much less hours of them. If you suspect you might be guilty of this (and everyone is here and there,) you might remind yourself of that proverbial problem pile to reassure you that you are doing better than many people around you, and things are really not so desperate.

And speaking of desperate, what is the world's worst cologne? DESPERATION! So please keep this in mind when trying to find love or retrieve love. You know when desperate people do? They social media stalk-lurk. They call and text too much and often over explain and smother. They get upset over the littlest slight. They do a lot more, but you want to avoid

And lastly, try to keep in mind, just because a love spell can make a person feel all lovey towards you, that doesn't make them kind, thoughtful, not abusive, honest or any of that. It just means they feel affection and desire for you, which is not loyalty, fidelity, or a personality change just because they have those feelings. 

Hopefully this little review has been helpful!

~Cat