Cat's Rants - Confessions of an Occult Mastermind

Thank You, King Paimon

As always, I am grateful for your assistance, wisdom, and all you have given to me and done on my behalf. ALL HAIL MIGHTY KING PAIMON! 

 

I Review It: Heredity (2018 film)

Hey Occulties,

Many of you have asked me my opinion on this movie, much because Paimon is a character and you know how much I love Paimon. My caveat here, as it always is, is that movies do not portray magic, or spirits, or the occult very well...sometimes Hollywood does such a completely horrid job of even coming close to anything accurate, that it's beyond laughable that a large set of people will take this as being a valid account, because it's so far off reality it is like saying an elephant might fly away on it's giant secret wings to escape the zoo, and people believing it was possible  (which is true also for doctor shows, lawyer shows, most historical accounts of anything...and well, Hollywood creates a fantasy and is very unreal about most things, so presumably Hollywood does an inaccurate job of portraying most anything,)

So, I did watch this film with the idea of being ENTERTAINED in mind, and not believing I would find anything nearing reality or accuracy when it came to Paimon or working with spirits, or with the occult. 

SPOILERS AHEAD (because people for some reason need a warning even if I say I'm reviewing something.) 

Basically the plot of the movie is that the protagonist (I think Toni Collette is the protagonist,) has recently had her mother (who is spoken of as a strange person, somewhat off putting,) pass away and is then shortly thereafter further sent into grief by the loss of her youngest child...a strange looking, irritating little girl who I was not sorry to see have her time on the screen cut short. I think that kid's face was one of the scariest things in the movie, honestly. :P Anyhow, as the storyline develops, we find out that the protagonist's mother was into spellcraft and she specifically wore all sorts of Paimon-seal jewelry (which occult nerds probably caught early on, though the seal wasn't entirely right,) and that she promised something to Paimon which is probably the reason her daughter was killed (as it was such an odd freak event, it must be,) but then we are also told that the Toni Collette character has a strong history of mental illness in her family and so I think we are supposed to wonder if everyone is just losing their mind. But no, it definitely comes out that what the grandmother promised was a male body for Paimon, and that male body just happens to be Toni Collette's son. Any attempt to fight back is met with death and disaster, and when Gabriel Byrne (who was wasted in this role...there are entire long shots of just looking at his sad old man face, and this is an actor who can do a lot more depth than "watch Gabriel Byrne look sad,") finally tries to intercede after waiting the entire movie, more or less, to do jack or shit, he is killed by Paimon when Toni Collette throws a sketchbook belonging to her daughter (who was apparently possessed by Paimon?) into a fire place and he just goes up in flame... At this point, I had really checked out of the movie, because as you can tell it kind of sucked. The end was relatively predictable with Toni Collette becoming possessed, sawing her head off in front of her son, and then having her headless body (and that of her mother,) kneeling at this gold image which...I thought it looked like a second grader's art project, but apparently that was an idol of Paimon they were bowing to. Then the son becomes Paimon...or realizes he is Paimon now. 

If that sounded garbled and confusing, welcome to Hereditary. It isn't scary. It's a bit gross in a few places, but I would not say it is scary. It's attempt to "creep" and build suspense and tension fall flat. I would give it 2.5 stars out of 5, as far as entertainment value. I found it dull and tedious at times (and I LOVED The Witch, which I think they were trying to recapture a similar ambiance,) and I did not find any of the characters particularly likable or relatable, which made everyone's subsequent death (more or less,) meaningless to the viewer. 

As far as realism on the spiritual material... They did cuff a lot of stuff from the Lesser Key of Solomon, albeit added to this to make it sound better. I thought, as far as Hollywood, that was a better attempt at realism than what is normally seen. That Paimon wants to steal your children's bodies for herself (and I know people who see her as her, and also her as him,) is ludicrous. I mean, it's bad enough that this strange cult apparently worships an image they made out of Quaker Oat cans and gold spray paint (and maybe some paper mache and papertowel tubes,) because apparently, despite there being at least a dozen of these followers (which means at least one of them should be able to do art better than someone in the first or second grade,) not a single one is capable of making an idol that doesn't involve a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon and a recycling bin to create... But that aside, weird cults and child theft seems more like something a lamia would be a part of, as it certainly had no relation to the demon King Paimon....not in any way. While I understand that it makes it feel more real to use a being who's name is recorded, it would actually have been more "realistic" to create a name for a lamia rather than substitute any old demonic name. Compare this with saying our current president is Thomas Jefferson because he is a US president, so just any name of any president works, right? 

Anyhow, with this garbled mess of a review, the movie sucked, and the entity was definitely not Paimon in anything other than being called that name. The characters (even people with talent,) were unlikeable, and the movie, while it started off alright, quickly became boring. The ending was stupid. 2-2.5 stars. You might watch it once. 

~Cat

I Love Paimon

Hey kids,

So, a shout out to the King of the West, the Mighty King Paimon. May all hail Paimon, she who has been so helpful to me and a good friend to me. There are not enough praises in the English language to do her justice. 

Thank you, thank you, thank you, King Paimon. :)

Thank Paimon! The Internet is Working (for now)

Well, as many of you know, on Monday morning around 9:30am, whilst I was working on my horribly messed up computer, the wifi suddenly was like "haha, no f*cking way," and I was like "what?" Thinking it was my crippled PC (Mac Book coming from a friend, folks, soon I won't be working on a PC which only works in safe mode,) I try my iPad. My iPad's internet was like "Haha, f*ck you, Cat!" so I was like "what?"

Future Mr NinjaCat, who had fallen asleep on the couch, having been up at weird hours worrying about family and friends in the wake of Hurricane Irma (his people are all in Florida,) was roused, and also found wifi acting like an assclown on his phone. This was weird, as cable and phone (all three provided by my cable provider) were fine. We call the cable co, and they're like "Wow, that's f***ed up!" (except classier.) On Tuesday, they stop by and tell me it will be fixed FRIDAY MORNING.

I go "What, my entire life revolves around my internet working." 

They say "Well, that's what happens, chica, so deal. Remember that time you paid us like a month late? Pfft haha" (They actually were more like "It sucks, but this is what we can do here, so sorry, and please just don't get mad," but in my head, they laugh at me.)

At this point, my life basically blew up. Bills I'd paid were suddenly showing as unpaid. People didn't read any announcements. I had to use Future Mr NinjaCat's phone the few hours I could to reply to people when I could since it was the only thing in my reach with internet, and pretty much everyone I work for was like "Go f*** yourself, you useless assclown, I hate you!" any time I was answering. :/ This week has been frikkin miserable, and you can see why it would be, especially after last week.

Enter Paimon. I love King Paimon. Last night, after a ton of misery, I did some work with my old friend and I was like "Look, recently, we" (Future Mr NinjaCat and I,) "have been totally fucked lately," and then some personal stuff, some more personal stuff, and "Please accept my offering, more coming." 

As some of my readers and clients have heard me say, King Paimon is the bomb. From the moment I made my offering, everything has been turning around (for the better), as if some cloud was suddenly burned away, to allow for blessings to return to my life. The computer started mysteriously not sucking so much. My internet is mysteriously working. And I say, all hail King Paimon! I went from feeling like Mercury personally retrograded into my life to being assured that I have someone great and powerful on my side making sure that I can work, earn money, and that I need no longer wonder if I'll be  living in a cardboard box next week with no wifi and a lot of people who hate me. 

All hail King Paimon, great and mighty, and my deepest gratitude to you, Mighty King. Without your help, I would not even want to guess what today would have been like. You have blessed me and I pray your blessings continue. I have offerings coming to you this evening, and more gratitude and thanks to you (including a public post about how amazing your powers are) with my offerings. Your influence in my life is a wonderful gift!

Also, if you're waiting for my reply (not you, Mighty Paimon, heh,) I'm pounding away on this keyboard, and trying to get back to everyone. :)

~Cat

Update - someone asks "How do you know for sure it was a blessing from a spirit, and not just that your internet got fixed?" Answer: Look, if something might be a gift from a spirit, or it might just be someone doing their damn mundane job, it is better to thank the spirit/s who may have interceded upon your behalf (even if they did not,) than to shirk that duty. If you think I gave you a gift, but you're not 100% sure on that, is it not better to thank me for that gift than to pretend I did nothing? I mean, assuming you want me to feel appreciated, you're going to say thank you. Such is the same with spirits and ancestors. :) Better to err on your thank yous (I mean, thank the right being, of course,) than to err and be ungrateful. :P I realize that I'm starting to get old (dangit,) but I was raised to show gratitude and have ettiquette - it puzzles me that many younger people lack these common social graces. Heck, I say "may I" (instead of can I,) and yes, please, and no, thank you in situations where it is someone's JOB to wait on me. That's because my mom made sure I had manners. These manners apply to the spirit world, too!