Cat's Rants - Confessions of an Occult Mastermind

The Theban Witch Drama

Hey occulties,

I thought I graduated high school many moons ago but Reddit is the gift that keeps in giving 

So I need to start before I met Theban Witch. About a year ago when my husband and I went to move our uhaul was towed because a friend improperly handled the situation. Uhaul has to get the car out of impound and then never contacted us and claimed they destroyed everything we owned except our birds and a few clothes we never wear (the birds and clothes were in our hotel). That was terrible. Then we stayed with a friend since summer rents are awful and to save up and recover from that very traumatic event and moved into our townhouse in mid to late November. This cost all our savings. About two weeks into living there they pulled the scam they had pulled on several others as evidenced by the many things left behind in closets and evicted us, reducing us to poverty. In the worst fiscal month of the year. And my husbands health issues flared. Then we lived in short term rentals which made it impossible to save. I finally found a solution but it was not a fun few months. It was also traumatic obviously. All my witchy friends were throwing curse clearing crap at me at this point and I wasn’t saying no. 

I had wanted to update my tech (still do but getting about there.) I’d made a post about accepting donations towards this. I want to say that was in March. I don’t recall. It’s important.

In the spring I had reports of a practitioner on Reddit sexually harrassing people. This is also important.

In May or June a man who goes by Theban Witch contacted me. He asked me about some redditors, and claimed people were harming him and hate seeing him and made some really bizarre claims. It was people telling me (before this happened) that he wanted them to send nude videos and masturbation videos. It was the sexual harasser. He then asked if I’d do an energy clearing for him. I said I would and offered the standard price. I wasn’t sure if I should but then, I figured perverts need energy work too. He never paid me, and I figured he changed his mind, so I moved on with my life. Then in June (I think) he made an offer like he’d send me clients if I gave him 40% of the take. This has never been standard practice. When i declined he said he was just being charitable because I’m poor and referenced a post in March - the tech one. I explained the situation all the way back to the townhouse if not the uhaul, and what I had endured and said it was a long time ago, that his concerns were mislaid, and he became rude and smug so I blocked him. 

Around this time another man contacted me about a situation, paid me for a reading and as I recall the reading was fine. I don’t recall if I did work. He then asked for another reading and in his defense the connection was awful. When I tried to use other means it was clearly his phone. I couldn’t hear him well. This was almost 2 hours. I gave him the reading through email at least three times. This was at least an hour if not more. So for three hours of my time, he paid for a half an hour. And that’s what it is, except he’d nag me and demand free spell coaching. I’d talk to him for hours about casting his own spells and dispel myths and talk about his personal life through varying platforms. That’s actually a paid service. We moved right around this time and I’ll call him LB, I was like “Listen LB I just moved and spent everything I had and I’m still fighting to get electricity and my damn mattress here, sleeping on an air mattress, I’m not really up to helping you for free right now.” ANYONE who talked to me that week would tell you we were miserable. No bed, no AC… and everything was a shit show because it was the Fourth of July. And this guy is like texting me for hours about his opinions on spellcastlng and can I explain this and that and would I do that reading for the thousandth time. Relentlessly nagging me and trying to get me to do my job for free and I finally broke down and said what I said above.

He “graciously” bought a curse removal for 2/3 of the price. Then he held it over my head (I did the work) while blowing me up for a reading I’d done several times. Oh and more free spell coaching Finally I email him a reading with hard truth in it (she doesn’t love you like that,) and a hard truth that came up three times, sent images of the cards, and told him he was financially abusive and a freebie abuser, gave examples. I’d had enough. I fired him.

This Monday or Tuesday (yesterday or the day before) after seeing him in my insta feed I blocked or unfollowed him (can’t recall) because frankly I feel abused by him. I did then and I do now. He took advantage of us being poor from moving while also demanding all sorts of hours of my time unpaid. This is my job. It’s how I pay my bills. I resented seeing my abuser.

Today my phone blew up. Apparently LB had either misinformed Theban Witch about the situation after I blocked/unfollowed his insta, or they just decided I’m a cunt and he posted (unsurprisingly on Reddit,) lies and half truths then brought up that I’m poor and that horrible trauma again. Like I ain’t poor forever, buddy, I work 60 hours a week so that’s impossible. I’m over here in Maine minding my own business, literally fixing a part of my wall I have to replace, and a sex predator and a financially abusive fired client are making up stories and linking them to my name. 

I hadn’t even said anything rude about either and I even have recorded calls and texts and emails. Like if you’re gonna gang up on me, one of you or both of you (might be both,) signed a contract that’s still binding (and you agreed to be fined thousands for this, lol) plus I have evidence you’re both full of shit. You were both awful to me (and in one case to several others) in your own ways and I just quietly minded my own business like I do and let it go. But you crave attention so here it is. You want to post lies, I’ll post the truth.

Now that’s the story. I’d be glad to link their pages and their sites and their social media but for now if they don’t want like charges for sex abuse and one of you was laundering money weren’t you? I know both of you were up to some bad stuff, Oh I have so much to go through, then maybe they should worry about the myriad other problems in their lives (that I’m aware of which can’t be all of them) and stop posting lies about me.

And for fuck sake stop posting about when I was poor after the townhouse. It’s like people making fun of my wonky eyebrow (that’s where I almost died, and I have some cool pics of what it looked like with me in the hospital bed almost dead actually,) and think it’s acceptable to judge like that. Like you post about my being traumatized like I’m the bad guy for being a victim ffs. You’re both terrible people. Yes I was poor in the cold months. Lost my house because the lease was a scam. Here’s some salt to rub in that wound. Oh and while you’re at it, of course moving to our home was expensive. Wow, I’m the only person who was ever broke right when they moved right? And if you guys think acting like bullies is cool, come and get it because I’m glossing over a lot.

To the TW there… you need to tend your own garden. People saying lotsa stuff and claiming they have proof. They’ve said it to me. If any of it’s true, you just make me look better saying bad stuff (because some perv asking girls to rub one out for him isn’t professional and is criminal) and if it’s false you just look stupid because what you’re saying about me is not true. I’m having those women send me proof but they told me about this shit before I met you because they wanted to know if I’d ever heard anything about you,

And to LB you are a man in your 50s now aren’t you? Why are you acting like a 17 year old mean girl and telling stories cuz I took you off my insta. Go find a nice appropriately aged lady and be happy. Like it’s social media, kid. Grow up. You’re bullying a woman by lying because you can’t financially abuse her or see her insta. How adult. 

Really, the trash can take itself out. Thanks for the metric fuckton of business all this sent my way tho. That was unexpected.

~Cat

UPDATE: Thank you to the many people who have contacted me on several platforms in a matter of hours after putting up my posts. It would seem TW has created quite the anti-fan base and then attacks supporters of the opponents and enemies he makes. A true sign of a quack is actually posting about other practitioners without being outright provoked. It’s actually a standard rule among professionals to keep to yourself matters where you are not attacked first, and since I’d said nothing about him publicly until he attacked me, clearly I did not fire the first shot. Remember creatures like this man thrive on attention - negative or positive, - because he suffers from a personality disorder and even this right now (me talking about him) feeds him. He wants everyone to pay attention to him and sadly after what I was told, he is thriving on people reporting his sex crimes and tirades, so we are all just feeding this attention hungry perv even now. I’d also like to thank everyone for their kindness and well wishes regarding the troubles we went through. It wasn’t easy but we are thriving again! I will try to follow up on this soon and you are always welcome to contact me with information on this man. 

Questions You’ve Asked Me: August 2023 edition

Q: What is a good all-purpose type working to draw in positivity? I feel l am stuck in a rut, lately!

A: Roadopening is the best answer to many problems in cases such as these. I’ve shared a recipe for the oil here, and it’s a very easy formula to use. It can even be added to many spells to break down obstacles to the spell manifesting. Just add a few drops to the other oils being used in candle work for example.

Q: I broke up with my ex a month ago and have called them 100 times a day each day since we broke up (additionally I made fake accounts to spy on them and contact them through,) and even though they blocked me and avoid me, I am certain magic will help me. What should I do? 

A: Sadly, I get basically this exact scenario in my inbox at least once a week. Apparently multiple people feel doing the internet equivalent of chasing your ex down the street while wielding an axe to be totally normal and not scary at all. 

It’s very off-putting and even scary to some so trust me when I say you mustn’t do that if you want to get the person back. It won’t win them back and will, in fact, chase them much farther away than just breaking up did. 

The reality is the chances of getting this person back with any rapidity if you’ve engaged in this behavior are next to 0. That’s not even the worst news. The reality is if you’ve engaged in this type of behavior there’s a very low chance you could reconcile them at all though your chances of doing so rise more with each passing month you are not chasing them or stalking them. Which means while you may possibly reconcile them and bring them back, it’s usually going to be at the best about 5-6 weeks to get them back and more likely it will take months if you can succeed in so doing, during which time you cannot stalk them or lurk on their social media or try to make contact… a nearly impossible feat for the people who ask this question. Furthermore you need to avoid lust for results which is also nearly impossible for many people who have engaged in the above behaviors. 

But realize had you never chased this person very relentlessly, you would not be facing this problem, so continuing on like that will only make things worse. Use the time needed to let them calm and recover from this unwanted pursuit to work on yourself and your own mental well being. 

You will want to use reconciliation, love drawing and obsession (intranquility) working at a relatively frequent (at least once per month,) rate for success. I also recommend at least 30 days with no social media to help curb your own obsessive behavior. 

Q: Spellcasters are fake if they ever have any problems in their own lives, right? 

A: As much as real doctors never get sick or die, real lawyers never get in legal trouble, real psychiatrists never have mental health crisises, dentists never need dental work, mechanics cars never need repair, etc etc. The reality is that everyone has problems, and many people entered their field because they experienced problems and were looking for solutions to those problems. I assure you, if a spellcaster tells you that he or she has never experienced any problems, that is far more suspect. 

Sadly this question was brought to you by the Reddit comedy hour in which the group who claims I’m ranting like a narcissist to call them out claimed I can’t be real having had an argument with my husband 2 months ago. Oh and that he’s my boyfriend which is odd since no one I’ve worked for since I was on Reddit ever would have referred to him as so…meaning that it’s probably the girl who stalked him last year and tried to break us up who posted that and she was never a client so she’s not a good judge of how I run my business. Special thanks to those of you keeping me updated there as I get a laugh each time. I know all the culprits and several are the same girl who got fired around Xmas last year for breaking every rule of my business site. 

But that aside neither spell failure nor having problems in one’s life are the sign of a fake spellcaster. Fake spellcasters tend to require understanding spell work (at least one kind though multiple kinds is better) to identify where the person making false claims is clearly false. It’s difficult since people base “fake spellcaster” lists on either one bad review (I’ve worked for at least 5000 people in 20 years and probably more, even 100 bad reviews would mean nothing - that would be like a 2% dissatisfaction rate!) or make them to flatter their friends or themselves, and randomly choose victims for the fake list. Without knowing anything about spellcasting yourself, you really can’t be a great judge. Your best defense it to learn a bit about spellcasting yourself in order to see what tends to come off as painfully obvious falsehoods to the experienced caster. 

Q: I can’t leave an altar out due to cohabitation issues - what can I do?

A: Depending on your situation, you might make a movable altar set up, or you might try casting spells outside. I prefer the movable set up but if you’re literally never able to be alone in a room of your home for even an hour, outside in a secluded spot is your best bet. 

Q: I’ve been having severe money issues! The cost of living is crazy and has skyrocketed over the last year. I cast spell after spell but I’m still struggling! Are my spells failing? 

A: Assuming you’re not asking for anything well outside your sphere of availability, most likely the answer is you’re doing nothing wrong…we are just in a really shitty economy. When I met first Mr. NinjaCat almost twenty years ago, his hourly rate was very similar to what it is today - within five dollars I’d say. Think about that. The cost of living is nowhere near what it was 20 years ago! I used to be able to get a fair amount of groceries for $40 and now even stretching $40 I get maybe a third to a quarter of what I once could. I’m the last 3 years my rents have more than doubled from their original amount. Electricity prices have skyrocketed. Fuel prices are very high. People often don’t realize just how rural many parts of the United States are. 

The problem isn’t your magic as much as the sphere of availability for most of us is not matching the cost of living. Unless you are in a very high pay grade, you are probably struggling right now. You might actually work towards using spells to get certain benefits like food stamps (I know, no one wants to be in assistance but realistically it could help you financially,) or to try using magic to bring yourself more affordable housing or a better mortgage rate. Don’t focus just on what’s coming in but what’s going out as well. If you’re paying less for the things you need, you’re also keeping more money. 

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Alright that’s it for now on Questions You’ve Asked Me. Keep the questions coming!

~Cat

Stay Hydrated

Hey Occulties,

Here’s my most recent selfie 

And here’s my most recent Reddit stalker harassment. They misspelled Kristen, which I’ve said countless times I go by my middle name and have since childhood, but they think is some insult to call me by a name which would be ridiculous as you being upset by me calling you by say, your middle name.

I guess I’m flabby? And gross in every way according to an anonymous stalker (probably Emmy or Amy who are both separate people, neither of whom would want me to reveal the real reason they belong to a little hate club trying to bully me, which is laughable either way, but thanks for your concern regarding my ass, since it’s clearly a huge thought in your mind,) and I wanted you all to know this is why I don’t bother with Reddit anymore. Someone decided they don’t like me and now I get shit like this, lol.

I look so fat and grotesque. How will ever live. I legit have credit cards w the K before Cat, so it’s pretty widely known my first name is Kristen too but that’s with an e not an i so do learn to spell. 🙄

~Cat

PS- that form records your IP address so if you send anonymous hate mail through it, you basically let out exactly who you are, and you must be pretty slow to do something like that. 🤷🏼‍♀️

PPS- am I the only one who thinks this person who thinks this imbecile in love with my ass chose the name Stayed Hydrated because they are so hydrated drinking the proverbial kool-aid —Reddit Stalkers are fckn comedy gold! 🤣🤣🤣