Cat's Rants - Confessions of an Occult Mastermind

Yearly Reminder

Hey kids,

This is long overdue, so let's get on with it, shall we?

Please check your spam folder before complaining I haven't replied. Furthermore please give me AT LEAST TWO BUSINESS DAYS BEFORE COMPLAINING I HAVE NOT REPLIED. By the terms of service, I actually have FIVE BUSINESS DAYS, so imagine my surprise when i get complaints for a 18 hour reply wait. 

PLEASE USE EMAIL ONLY! Using any other chat service or personal message service or site outside of my email comes with a very very high chance I will drop and lose the thread, and frankly if you did not email me, that means you took that risk willingly. I have a lot of clients and need to keep all my correspondence in my inbox, otherwise I start losing replies left and right. I also don't check every site every day, and my phone is almost permanently on do not disturb because it sounds like a robot having an orgy with a tribe of crickets any time I take it off that setting due to all of the people texting and chatting me. 

STOP MAKING ME REPHRASE SOMETHING OVER AND OVER JUST BECAUSE YOU DO NOT LIKE THE ANSWER. My answer won't change, and I can rephrase whatever it is in many ways, as you are not the first of your kind and I doubt the last either, so I've dealt with this before.

I DO HAVE BUSINESS HOURS... I realize my clients are all over the world, but it's a lot to handle when people want me up at 1am because that's convenient for them, and then the next person wants time at 5am, and then the next at 10am and so forth. This is why I have business hours, - because I really need to try to have time to do stuff like sleep, and occasionally to hang out with Future Mr NinjaCat and all that jazz. So the next time you ask me if I can talk to you at ten at night (my time) don't be surprised when I say no. Keep in mind, I also don't work on the weekends (I cast spells, but it's my time off from directly dealing with clients outside of emergencies, so I don't do readings and I often don't do replies,) so please respect that it is time off and don't get in a fight with my inbox.

I ALREADY DO NOT MAKE MUCH OF A PROFIT ON SPELLS. For some reason, people don't seem to understand that not only is there a serious cost on supplies, the rent on my spellcasting warehouse (it's a huge storage space, lol,) plus the cost of transportation, electric, and then for my time doing the spell. On top of which a portion of clients do not seem to understand that asking for several free hours of emotional support and encouragement and explaining things over and over and over, means if you were in the least amount high maintenance, theres a chance I didn't even make minimum wage. On the other hand there's also a chance where if you were super high maintenance, I maybe netted pennies on the dollar on your case. This is how I pay my bills, so obviously this is concerning. Please try to reign in overuse of being able to contact me for free and whenever you need to by using this privilege as needed not just because you're bored.

LUST FOR RESULTS IS A VERY REAL PROBLEM - basically this is a form of obsessive anxiety, though fantasizing a lot about the future (which isn't necessarily unpleasant,) can also be a form of lust for results. Basically you need to keep your mind in the PRESENT - try to keep the situation and the people being worked (if applicable) out of your mind, stop worrying, and stop fretting. I find that keeping my mind engaged is the best thing to keep from engaging in lust for results. I do not social media stalk (if you do check up on someone's social media, you're almost guaranteed to be engaging in lust for results,) and that may work for you too, but if it does not, you need to find an answer to calm yourself and redirect your thoughts. 

DO NOT POST ABOUT UNMANIFESTED SPELLWORK ON WEBSITES, CHAT GROUPS, ETC! This just hurting your spellwork! You're literally inviting others to think your spellwork to death (lust for results) with you. 

AND STOP MAKING A "FAIL BY DATE," or "DEATH CLOCK" TO GET ALL PISSY OVER. Unfortunately time frames are not a solid date. Myriad problems can slow manifestation (usually 95% of the time, it's lust for results,) and if you mark a date and come to me exactly say three weeks after I cast your spell, you created what I term a fail-by date or death clock. Basically, you've put in your mind something to the effect of "This spell has to manifest by October 10th, or it didn't work" which sends the message out to the universe "Make my spell fail on October 10." Instead of keeping a date in mind, try to tell yourself something more like "I should expect manifestation in October." Or "Manifestation should happen in the Autumn." This way your not focusing on a particular date which can actually impede manifestation.

I CAN'T MAKE DECISIONS FOR YOU. Look, it's not up to me if someone is worth it, if you should give up, or what you should do. Truth be told, I deeply dislike about 80% of my clients' love interests and think they are jerks. 

LASTLY, THERE IS ONLY ME HERE TO DO THE JOBS OF SEVERAL PEOPLE. Please understand, I'm a human being, I have a life, and sometimes, after working 12 hours listening to people and working spells, I'm exhausted and I just want to have an hour to myself. I live at my job. Some days the only times I am not working, it's because I'm eating, cleaning, cooking, showering, using the bathroom, or asleep. So basically barely caring for myself and my household on top of work work work work work. Do not demand off hours readings, or time with me and then get mad if I say no. If I do, I'm truly busy or I'm burnt out and need an hour or two to myself. 

I know that many of you are not trying to get on my case, or trying to be high maintenance, and honestly, if it wasn't over half of my current clients engaging in several of the above behaviors without realizing some not only violate my terms of service, some not only hurt their active spellwork...but they are also delaying responses, costing money, and etc, I figured it was time to remind everyone, that if we all just keep using email and not using my time up to ask if it's okay to bring your dog to the vet when your target lives a mile from your vet (yes, bring your dog to the vet,) business will run smoother, replies will come faster, and if you stop lusting for results you'll even get those results faster.

~Cat

"Quick Advice/Clarification" vs Spell-Coaching

Hey everyone,

Since this has been an increasing problem over the years...

I do not give substitutions for items you can't locate (or refuse to try on your own to locate,) nor do I give substitutions for actions you can't take. The substitution for anything you can't find or any action you can't take is to find a spell you have all the ingredients to and can undertake all the actions thereof.

"Quick Advice/Clarification" on an article is something to the effect of: "Can I use a votive rather than a taper candle here?" or "If I use 'Love Me' instead of 'Return to Me' oil, would that be effective on a problem where reconciling the party is unneeded?"

Spell-coaching (a paid service) is anything that would take me literally over five minutes to write a response to. So, if you're asking me to give you special custom advice regarding your situation, or you need a lot of assistance on working a particular spell or finding a particular spell, you need to PURCHASE spell coaching.

Please note the date-stamp on the article you are asking about. Some links may be out-dated. While I don't mind being alerted to an out-dated link, I DO NOT always have a replacement link for that product or store.

Also, if there is any header or notice that I no longer accept questions regarding a particular article (sometimes after a decade of abusive behaviors regarding one article, I have had enough discussion on the matter to last a lifetime,) please do not ask if you can be the exception to that rule. You are already being provided with 2000% more information than I EVER HAD when first using that spell - trust me. Maybe I have more practice in spellcasting than you do (I am almost sure that I do!) but you should be able to work any spell I've posted here with the instructions I have given. Again, quick clarification on an instruction is fine - but if you want me to customize my instructions to your needs, that is a paid service.

Hope that clears things up! :)

~Cat

Yay!! :)

Hey Occulties,

While writing your money spell (writing takes me a looooong time, and right now is no exception, heh) I received an email that was very very very nice, and thanked me for all of the hard work I've put in on my blog, and how a recent article helped them with an issue they'd been having, and better helped them overcome some spell issues they'd run into.

You know, that was really, really what I needed today.

It might surprise some of you, but I get crap from some of my peers for writing "for a n00b audience," now and again. It might surprise some of you, but I get crap for being honest enough to say things like "You probably don't want to wait to the 11th hour to turn to spells if you want your problem fixed" (solid advice for anything - don't wait to do something until it's so bad it's horrid.) I get crap for not doing my job for free (I also get crap when I do it for free.) I get crap for not writing articles fast enough. I get crap for being insincere when I'm being sincere. I get crap for not being funny enough. I get crap for attempting to interject humor into articles. I get crap for not sucking up to everyone regardless of their treatment of me.

I get a lot of crap sometimes...because sometimes life is fulla crap. :P

It's amazing how one person being a shit can ruin my whole day, but it's even more amazing how one genuinely nice bit of praise can completely reverse that and remind me why I do this job.

So thank you for the praise. I sent an even longer note of thanks to you personally, but thank you. I am happy that I've helped you, and it's why I write my blog. You were totally the candle in the darkness today, a blessing, and exactly who I needed to run into. Bless you. :)

Alrighty, back to writing my money spell.

~Cat

One More Reason to Avoid Using Dating Sites and Apps

UPDATED 10/20/14 - Yeah, because this actually isn't as unusual as this news story makes it sound. You should hear the things I get to read and hear when it comes to online dating stories. Click to read.

Hey Occulties,

Redhead Writing's Erika Napoletano shares her recent bad experience with Tinder here, and it just gives me reason #2,173,188 to share with you why you should avoid dating sites, and apparently if value your privacy, you should especially avoid Tinder.

Now, I know I'm going to get some butt-hurt people, and so before I begin, I'm going to start with yes, I do understand it's hard to meet people sometimes, and/or yeah, sure I've heard "everyone's doing it." Good for everyone, and let me channel the spirit of everyone's mother into my person and croak out in true medium fashion "Well, if everyone jumped off a cliff, would you jump, too?!" Did I just sound like your mom? Good, I was hoping I did. ;) Because your mom has a point, and so do I - just because everyone does a stupid thing, doesn't mean you should, too. I do stupid things sometimes, and I don't want you to imitate my stupidity when I do those things. ;) So, can we all agree that going with the crowd is not a good reason for doing something? We can? Good.

Alrighty, so you may be angry with me for saying "You're asking for trouble" if you use dating sites and apps. I can already see the 10 people who had a good experience (out of the 2,400 in my Rant Room,) raising their hands to object. Well, you know, being a statistically insignificant percentage (and I'm not saying there aren't a lot of relationships that started on dating sites/apps, I'm trying to say "SUCCESSFUL" relationships from them are statistically insignificant, in my experience, and I DO deal with a lot of people in relationships, ahem,) does make you unique, and being unique is awesome, but if by the grace of God you managed to find and marry and be happy with someone from a dating site, then your relationship is like finding a unicorn, and good for you. :) It's the rest of you I'll be addressing here...

So, for starters, let's ask ourselves why do people use dating sites/apps?
1. They genuinely are introverted or lead some lifestyle which makes it difficult for them to be around others frequently, can't meet people, and this makes it easy for them to meet others.
2. They just want to get laid and are willing to ask anyone on the internet if that person is interested.
3. They just want to get laid and are willing to manipulate others into thinking it's love to get this sex from them, which they have found a treasure trove of endless "willing" victims.
4. They find themselves hugely unattractive, but like how they look (add number) years ago, and this is the easiest way to convince someone they still look that way before actually meeting them in person, then SURPRISE!!!
5. They are scary-ass desperate for someone to love them. Stalker desperate, maybe. In fact, probably. Avoid the desperate at all costs.
6. They have huge emotional problems which are easily concealed when they are not face to face with someone.
7. They have huge emotional problems which are only apparent after getting to know them for a few weeks...which is why they can't find a partner in their pool of friends.
8. They have some sort of ridiculously bad life issue that all of their friends know about, but strangers would not, but which would be a "deal-killer" for most of us. (I will also put that they might be married to someone and hiding that on a dating site, which I've unfortunately heard tell of in more than one of my clients' recounting of a bad dating site experience.)
9. They are badly socialized in some way.
10. Other (something bad, probably).

Now, of all of the above, only the first one is acceptable, really, when looking for a partner. ;) And, to be fair, this is a percentage of people who use these sites and apps - people who are not really super abnormal freaks. However, if you look at the rest of the reasons, more than one is pretty fucking scary and bad, others are "Well, if so-and-so and I were super close anyhow, maybe I'd date them" (but you're not close, this is a stranger) which probably means the largest percentage of users of these sites and apps are to be avoided.

So, - at least as I see it - when you use these sites/apps, you're basically inviting a large amount of people who are probably not good choices to choose you. You're inviting disaster.

But to add insult to that injury, from Erika's tale, you're also chancing that these folks might find out your personal info, and start contacting you via social media without your permission. In fact, some people leave phone numbers on social media. Imagine being a pretty attractive person (which she is,) leaving your number up where people desperate for attention or affection (I'm not saying she left her number up, just saying what if,) can get to it, all the while thinking you're available. Holy crap, talk about baiting your hook for stalkers. :P

Now, as someone who counsels people on relationships frequently, I assure you that my experience (even if vicariously through my clients and some friends, since I'm not the type of person who ever felt at all interested in using the internet to get dates from people I wouldn't know otherwise,) has been that dating site relationships tend to be very tenuous, and often one partner will engage a new partner on the dating site before leaving the last. It's sort of like a vending machine to some people. They get a bit bored with one, and go back and find a new one, assuming (probably not too wrongly,) that there is an unlimited supply of hopefuls. Or they find the person has huge and scary abandonment issues, socialization issues, stalking issues, or other emotional issues. Or the date that shows up is 20 years older than their profile picture. Or they just get solicited for sex.

This is unfortunate, but the price one pays for using the internet to get dates. :/ Don't get me wrong, I love the internet, but it's sort of like a scary dark corner at a carnival - sure you might find some awesome thing, but you're just as likely to get knifed by a carny if you're not careful...and when you use dating sites, you're doing the equivalent of getting fall-down drunk and taping $1000 bills to your head, and going in that scary dark corner with a carny, and then complaining you got knifed. :/

For every "success" story from dating sites that I've heard (which is now, after about ~15 years of hearing stories about them, and amounts to a grand total of FIVE out of at least a thousand,) there are far too many horrific stories (which the truly-horrifying must be at least a half of them,) and several incredibly disappointing or just mildly disturbing stories that often skew the person attempting to use these sites and apps emotional well-being for some time to come (a good percentage.)

So, my dear ones, as many of you come to me looking for love, I will pass on the advice to only use dating sites/apps or date people who use them at your own risk, and I mean a real risk. If you'd stand on a busy street corner in the city with a sign around your neck that says "Please date me and maybe love me," (and some folks would totally be cool with that,) then you should try dating sites and apps, but if that sounds like a bad idea to you, maybe you should avoid that route. Statistically speaking, the vast majority of successful relationships spring from people who you meet through shared friends. If you're willing to take the risk of showing vulnerability and hopefulness in a den of folks where there are guaranteed to be a sizeable percentage predatory and mentally unstable people (and moreso than would be in the general population, because predators are attracted to places there is a good selection of prey,) then, by all means, take your chances using dating sites and apps.

There will be no open comments on this article. I don't want to hear your defensive argument how you're not a bad person or are the exception to everything I wrote (so don't email it either.) I'm sure you're the unicorn I spoke of earlier, and that's fine. Most of us aren't unicorns, and that's why I always tell friends and clients alike to avoid dating sites and apps at all costs.

~Cat

7/28/14 Also, it ends up OK Cupid uses it's users as guinea pigs. Not surprisingly, their experiements have shown that "matching people" works as well as intentionally mismatching them, and that while dating site users use looks to choose mates, it ends up having little to do with real compatibility. Well, if you use dating sites, I'm sure you appreciate them using you as a guinea pig. :P Feel free to click the link. Or this one with the same story. So there's reason number ten million to not use dating sites. ;)

12 Lessons for the Sorcerer from Breaking Bad

Re-blogging Jason Miller's wonderful instructive post which uses Breaking Bad as a model for being a better sorcerer/magician/spellcaster/whatever-term-you-prefer. No no, he's not talking about magical crystal meth production, hahaha, but actual magic. ;) It's a very good read and comes highly recommended.

The Significance of Numbers in Traditional Hoodoo

Just wanted to share a post from Miss Dara where she speaks on the significance of numbers in traditional Hoodoo. Thought it would make an interesting read for everyone. Enjoy!

~Cat

Good Reading! :D

Hi All,

I recommended this article a few years back, and, since I'm aware if it isn't screaming "LOVE!" or "REVENGE" or "IT BRINGS BACK YOUR EX!" most of you will ignore it, heh. ;) However the information it contains could actually assist you in any of those three things (if you're having someone else do the work,) so I suggest you read it. Karma Zain does explain the reason why 2 or more workers on one problem can be a bad thing far better than I could. ;)

I've brought this up again because apparently one or two spellcasters (at least 2 different sites are the number of sites that advise this, that I have repeatedly gotten in my email box,) are telling anyone to hire whoever the heck you want - it can only help - and that's not my view on things, nor is it the view of basically any professional spellcaster I personally know and would recommend. Spellworkers who agree that it's OK for your client to hire anyone else on the problem while you're working on it, and that this is of no risk to your client or their case, by all means feel free to (intelligently) debate why you feel that is so in the comments section.

Clients with spellcasters who believe it's fine to hire anyone and everyone to stir the proverbial pot that is your issue being worked on, I'm sorry, but I can't take your opinion here. In 19 out of 20 cases (or an even larger percentage,) you hired someone to help you because you know too little about spellcasting to competently solve the problem yourself using spellcraft.

Before you think I'm being mean and judgmental, I did, in my earlier days, for a very brief while, allow people to hire more than one person if I was working their case. Why? You'll laugh, but I worried I was just being mean and judgmental to demand otherwise, (having successfully worked for friends with a group of friends - each of us doing our own part,) and also figured most of the time someone isn't doing the work anyhow, while I am. After I had 1 client's spellwork go wonky (she had 5 other casters, when I thought it was just one other, who I spoke with anyhow,) repeatedly (wonky being a kind word for "totally fucked up and insane manifestations,") and after another person who completely blew up their work listening and working with another spellworker (who I don't know personally, and who, so far as I can tell, must work everything ass-backwards to avoid religious conflicts with affecting free will,) I realized, very-quickly, I should rescind my earlier feelings on "sure whatever you're doing with anyone else is OK." I relay this information to you to let you know that some workers probably thought the same way I did, and it's a dumb and reckless way to think. I shudder that I let my naivety (I was new to pro-spellcasting, not at all new to spellcasting,) guide that choice for even a short time, but I'm big enough of a person to admit faulty thinking...especially if almost a decade old. ;) I only needed 2 experiences very early on to know a person who wants a stable of workers is a problematic client, and that even one more set of hands stirring the proverbial pot can just create a horrid outcome. So, because a brief stint as a twenty-something knob taught me not to risk being a knob, and I avoid knobbishness when possible (my "being a knob" issue has greatly lapsed since my mid-to-late 20's, haha,) and I personally would insist you let me clear out someone's spell work before casting for you, and insist you stop working with them to prevent future problem manifestations. ;)

That link should be necessary reading, folks! Get to it,

~Cat

St Expedite Prayers and Thank You's in the St Expedite Article's Comments

Hi all,

While I'm completely behind all of you on the praise of St Expedite (who I agree wholeheartedly deserves as many thanks as possible - he really helps in a hurry!) I have noticed several of you leaving your comments in all capitals. This is equivellant to screaming, and while I could holler out some praises for our dear friend, Expedite on about any occaison, please do not comment in all capitals. On the internet THAT IS LIKE YELLING!! and it's rude nettiquete and hard to read. ;) It's perfectly okay to do something like leave a few lines in capitals (exclaiming in praise is AWESOME!) but do try to leave some of it in the proper grammatical form.

Your ever-dyslexic and cranky friend,

~Cat

One of Karma's more recent posts

To all of you who think I can fart out a million dollars because I wiggle my nose to make it happen, or think I'm enough of a low life to kill a child in the womb, or who think I sit here all day in my mansion drinking margaritas instead of sometimes waiting for payments so I can pay a utility bill (but yet I still say no to ridiculous requests when I need the $$$ all the same,) this is a must read. I think a lot of you who've contacted me recently really miss how difficult this job really is when done honestly. Please give it a read.

One More for the Road - by Karma Zain

I also liked her post on spiteful saints. :) it's right above or below the above-linked post, and I strongly recommend giving it a read.

Happy reading!

~Cat

PS- I realize I used the verb "to read" overmuch. It's 10ish and my coffee wore off a few hours ago. Coffee = life force and creativity. Don't judge. ;)

Article on Warnock's Blog

Christopher Warnock gives a really nice description on why spells don't work sometimes. I am not in agreement with it 100%, but I'm thinking a 97.5% agreement means it's more than good enough to share. :)

http://renaissance-astrology.blogspot.com/2012/08/sometimes-magic-works-sometimes-it.html